Underneath My Skin

Ch. 43

I want to be your favorite hello and your hardest goodbye.

_____________________________________

Harry's p.o.v

______________

"Now it's you that needs to find yourself," she says before turning around and hurrying out of my office.

I want to go after her. I want to scream and shout at her. I want to beg her to come back, but I can't. I can't find my voice. I feel like she just told me goodbye.

I can feel my heart strings snapping. My chest tightens.

This is not goodbye.

This is not goodbye.

I bury my face in my hands and sigh deeply before tears escape my eyes. I'm crying because she's right. How could I ever expect her to love me? I don't even love myself.

There's a soft knock at my door, but I keep my face in my hands. I know it's not Briella.

A minute

or so later I feel a hand on my shoulder. I sigh and look up at Janis, my new receptionist.  She gasps when she sees my tear stained face and she quickly wipes my cheeks with her hands.

"Sweetie, what happened?" she asks.

I sigh. "I fucked up," I say, my voice hoarse.

She scowls at me for cussing and I can't help but smile at the old woman.

"You messed up your relationship with the girl that just left?" she asks.

I nod my head and sniffle.

"There's plenty of fish in the sea Harry."

I shake my head. "I only want that fish."

She smiles. "Then go get that fish."

I laugh at her. "It's not that simple Janis. She's difficult."

She scoffs. "That's what my husband used to say about me, but he got me."

I furrow a brow. "What did your husband do to you?"

She frowns but quickly composes himself. "He cheated."

I frown as well. "How did he win you back?"

She smiles. "He left me alone for a little while. Then one day, he introduced himself to me, like we had never even met and we started over."

I smile. That actually sounds like a good idea. But, what happens if Briella finds someone else while I leave her alone. I can't bare the thought of her finding someone else.

"You don't have any appointments today. Why don't you go home and calm down?" Janis suggests.

I give her a small smile and nod my head. She leaves my office and I gather my things before leaving.

When I get home I sit on my couch and pull out my treasure chest full of photos. I open it and pull out the photos. Even though Abigail's face is scratched out, I still remember each photo vividly.

Then I find a picture that's not scratched out. It's Abigail and I at one of Niall's parties.

I run up stairs to my room with the picture. I grab a piece of paper with a pen and start writing down everything on my mind while it's there. When I'm finished, I carefully read the words written on the paper.

Dear Jenny and Boris,

I know that I'm probably the last person you want to hear from, but oh well.  I'm writing this to let you know that I did not kill your daughter. I loved her, so much. She was everything to me. She was my best friend, my other half, my wife. But, her death does has something to do with me. Apparently, I didn't make her happy enough, and I regret that. Boris, when you gave Abigail away at our wedding, I promised you that I would love her and do everything in my power to keep her happy. Unfortunately, I couldn't keep her happy. I now realize that I was not that man for her. I don't know what it's like to lose a child because I don't have children, but I know it must have been terrifying. Then on top of that, a murder suspect was your son in law. It must have been a tragic experience. I'm not writing you this to apologize because I did not kill her. I'm writing you this to express my love for your daughter. Thank you for bringing her into this world and even though we weren't meant for each other, she taught me a lesson I will never forget. She received the privilege of being my first love and she will forever hold that title. But, she is not my last love. I've moved on, and so should you. I know that you hate me and you never want to see me again because we are no longer family, but you need to know that I didn't kill her. Either you believe me or you don't and I'm okay with either decision you make. I will not let this control my life anymore and prevent me from being happy.