black // sequel to white // remington leith

eight

i can't get into the groove of this book idk

willow

my eyes seemed to be showing me lies. remington was standing at the bottom of my building. i quickly ducked out of view, how'd he know of my whereabouts, there is no way he had found me. i lost him!

i glanced outside, he was now coming inside, the flowers in his hand didn't go missed. i closed my eyes, i needed to try again. if you never try then you'll never know. 

when i open my eyes, i am jumping to my feet quickly scurrying to clean up my room. "make it look like you've been doing fine." i mumble to myself as i shove things under my bed and into the closet or desk drawers.

i get to my feet at the sound of the doorbell. i didn't live in the nicest place so there was no doormen. i walked slowly to the door trying to craft something to say. with all the words i've used in my life and all the writing i'd done, i couldn't muster up a single thing to say to him at the door.

i open it, my loss of words didn't go fixed when i looked at him. he had red roses in his hand, a small note poking out of the top. i nodded his way. he smiled trying to fix the mood of awkwardness. 

"we need to talk." we say at the same time, i chuckle moving aside to let him in. he hands me the flowers before taking in the small apartment i lived in with joey. i place the flowers on the kitchen counter to deal with later. 

"may i sit?" he nods towards the small couch. "ehm-yeah." i tell him as i head over to where he's gone to sit down. i sit on the floor not quite ready to be too close to him. 

"i am sorry i was shoving the thought of getting back together down your throat, maybe we start over like we have - as friends - and we see where it goes. i love you will, i will always." i'm looking at the third button on his button-up shirt because i don't trust myself looking into his eyes.

i think it's a good idea but i much rather get back to what we had, i know that's unrealistic. "okay." i try to give him a light smile but i can't bring myself to feel happy about this whole thing, i am messing things up in someone's life even more by agreeing to come back into the messy relationship, whether it be as friends or lovers.

"did you say... yes?" his eyes show disblief when i catch a glance at them, all i can do is nod at this, i finally allow myself to give a warm smile his way. 

"will things be okay now?" he asks me with a serious tone, remington was always a funny person and seeing him take something so seriously scared me. what was he planning to do or get out of me? 

"i don't know quite honestly but trying is the best you can do, now stop being so serious, i don't like this side!" i hit him playfully and he smiles. "wanna bake cookies with me?" i saunter to the kitchen since i don't know how else to change the way the atmosphere feels, cookies or baking seems like something that will change the awkward feeling despite the fact we don't need the sugary and over-fattening food in the house.

"sure." he smiles and follows me into the kitchen. "so... rockstar... how's it been. can you believe it? i heard you on the radio!" i start to take out the things for the recipe on the back of the chocolate bag.

"it's been pretty good... i guess, i wish you were there with us though." he tells me but i shoo away the topic. "i'm here now, that's good enough, yeah?" i take out a bowl once everything is place on the counter in the order they will be needed.

"sure, but it's been ye-" "let's not speak of it." i bite my lip trying to not sound rude but in all honesty, i don't want to reply the years that i was at the lowest of lows. 

he nods.

i go over to my record player, i take out the my chemical romance vinyl since i remember he loves the emo band. things must not of changed from that time because he laughs when it starts to play. 

"you know me so well." he smiles at me as i come back around the kitchen counter to stand next to him. i see he's started already.

"some things never change." i mumble. all of a sudden i hear him singing along to Dead! which ends in us screaming the lyrics to it before laughing. 

it's been forever but i can't help but fall for the small things he does, i start to find myself missing when we were a thing, when things were okay or seemed that way atleast.

i missed before i messed it all up. before i think of anything more to miss, we are kissing.

when i finally realize what i am doing, i push him away simply because i know that making him fall for me all over again will just make this more of a mess than it is. i am at a loss of words as we look at each other intently now.

"i am sorry, i should've thought before i did that." i bite my lip. "you're still a child you know, you are trying to pull off this whole grown up, i know what i am doing and i'm smart, but will you're trying to become an adult too soon, we all make mistakes and you know just as much as i know that it wasn't a mistake... that kiss, we wanted it. just admit it!"

he is throwing his hands in all different ways, sure i wanted it but i don't admit that to him, i just shake my head. "maybe this was a bad idea." i tell him dismissing the topic of what i wanted and who i was.

"you're too afraid to admit that you miss me!" he raises his voice. "stop!" i counter. "no! i miss you! you miss me! we've always wanted each other and we still do!" remington's eyes flare and i can see he's anger mixed with the frustration.

"this is a mess." i fall to the floor leaning my back against the fridge. 

"it's because you make it one."