black // sequel to white // remington leith

four

short but sweet since i am kind of unmotivated but i need to give you guys something. 

willow

i almost find it impossible as i am looking at a boy who has spiked black here. i tell myself i haven't drank anything yet tonight because this can't be true. it's a boy... that much i know... but i am hallucinating that it's remington.

"may i sit?" he asks glancing at the chair opposite of me. i can't bring myself speak simply because i don't know what to say or if i can handle what i want to say. i can't put my mind straight, he's basically remington but i know it can't be. his hair was white, it was blonde when i left, it's not him.

i just keep telling myself that as i nod. i let him sit because i know he won't make small talk with me but i am proven wrong as he starts to speak. "you look... you look like a love of mine." he mumbles the last part.

"something about you has me wanting to know you, sorry for coming off so strong, usually not me, i just needed some closure. what's your name?" he asks me. he looks up at me, i see the makeup like the makeup he used to wear but this time it seems to be hiding what i infer is bags under his eyes.

he doesn't look as good as he used to - if this remington. 

"uh-um-ah." i stumble over my words because i don't know if it's really him or someone that's a complete stranger but everything seems to fit the puzzle of remington. it had to be him. as he sits here i find myself wanting to shrink away and simply disappear.

"i am remington." he smiles my way, or atleast tries but the sadness in it doesn't go missed by me. my mind goes blank simply because my brain is spazzing out, what do i tell him and before i can tell myself to do something different, i speak my real name and i am instantly worried about the response it will receive.

"willow." i say with almost a bit of confidence in my voice about it. his eyes go wide as he stumbles over his words, it takes me a second to process what he says but now he's seeming to be leaving, although i don't entirely want it because i believe we both know who the other one is, i let it happen.

i watch him walk away, i can't remember if he told me that he'd be back or not but when i finally break my gaze away i feel like i should go home, sit, then cry. 

it takes seconds before i am going to get off my chair but a tight grip stops me. "wait, stay for a little." i turn to look at the hand holding down my wrist, the touch is familiar. it's a touch, a feeling, i can't erase from my mind.

his tattooed hand displays under his black turtleneck as he instructs me to sit. i take a seat, i am weak under his touch right now. i can't tell if this is a dream or reality as i tuck my legs under the table we are seated at to face him completely now.

"i know who you are." he speaks after some silence passes over us, my heart starts to jump a little because i expected him to know it but i didn't want to face it quite yet, i didn't know if i was ready, mentally and physically. 

"i like the new haircut." his compliment still sends a blush to my cheeks as the heat fills them but i can't bring myself to say a simple thank you, i don't want to think about where this leads or what will happen next because i know it's what i was asking for. 

i wanted this but i am too scared to admit to it as he sits here in front of me.

"willow brooks, you can't hide from the past forever." he tells me keeping his hand in mine, i take it in now. i take in the fact that he hasn't moved his hand because he knows i will leave if he does, i take it he's scared of that.

"i know." i tell him. "i just wanted to." i add.

"let's start over, if that's what will fix us then let's start over." his eyes beg and plead with mine but as much as i want that, i can't bring myself to agree. "no, because i am just getting better and i think i've proven that i can't handle it when someone is in control, i don't think i can ever. i am made to live in this world alone." i go to remove my hand but his grip tightens and i know he's scared to let go or watch me go.

"you're not leaving me again willow, i've spent too long trying to hunt you down, fuck i've hunted you down all the way to new york city! i checked every phone book, every new issue of them just because i was so obsessed with the thought of you and i still am. i can't lose you. i can't." he shakes his head now showing that he's just as unstable.

"i hurt you, it's not fair, i can't keep doing that to you. it's not fair to you or me, if you let me go and just forget about this then it will get better, it will all end." i shake my head but he won't let me leave as he doesn't let my hand free.

now he takes my other hand in his.

"you're scare of something new, you're scared of trying things that you can't tell what the future will be. you're afraid of us because you were unsure what would happen in the future, i am telling you willow, you're my future, i can't leave you or the thought of you alone. i need you and i'll wait as long as it takes for you to recover from distance." his words are laced with something i can't put my finger on.

i tell myself i want to try but i simply can't. he deserves better, i need to remind myself that because i can't handle the thought of him sitting here while i reject him, i want to jump into his arms, make up, make sure everything goes perfect from now on.

but that's not fair, it's simply not! 

i hurt him greatly, he's spent years looking for me and that's torture, it's not fair to either of us but mostly him.

"remington, you don't want me. even i don't want me."