Those moments (Hayes grier)

The park

Im sitting in my room, its 5 am i didn't sleep last night, i just couldn't. Today i am 15 years old, at 12am i got a call from my sister and i cried after saying thank you and i miss her, i started bawling i woke up May and she came to comfort me. Its a Friday and the last day of school was yesterday.

Im sitting straight up leaning on my back bed board, staring at the door. I don't know what I'm waiting for, the same music track had been on since 3am when i started to just sit here.

I feel a cold gust of wind blow on my side, i turn to find the window open. I walk over.

"Hi" Hayes says

"What are you doing" i ask dully

"Happy birthday" he says coming inside

"what?" i asked confused.

"i know you haven't been the happiest so i thought it would be a good idea to have you remember times when you were happy, like when i would come to your window, and we would go on picnics" he says holding up a basket. I wipe i tear away.

"thank you" i say

"I know what i did, but i still want you to be happy." he says smiling. "so what do ya say? Wanna go on a picnic?" he asks

"But its like 5am." i state

"well i already told mrs,Boxen i would be stealing you until 12 sooo...." he says his voice drifting off.

"okay let me put on clothes" i say and grab a simple outfit from my closet and go to the bathroom. Im wearing jean pants and a black crop top with black converse.and i have my hair up with a puff and a black bandana, and i only put on mascara and Chapstick.

"Ready?" he asks

I nod, and walk to my door, Hayes follows. We walk to the park which was like not even a block away, we had no conversation, but ut wasn't awkward, just silent. Most people find silence awkward but i like it, its nice calming. We get to the park and sit on a bench table.

"So why did you leave?" Hayes says right when we sit down,

"What would you have done, if you felt so alone in. A house filled with you so called 'Family'? I was either going to leave or go crazy and kill myself. We all know i don't have the balls to do either so when i finally had enough of her bullshit i go in a fight with her and told her i would just leave. And last week she signed me over to mama Boxen, so i am no longer her child according to the law." i say staring past him.

"I would of, well i don't know" he says taking out water and handing me a bottle.

"i didn't know either, but i couldn't do it any more Hayes. I couldn't stay there and pretend to be happy. She knew about my suicidal shit and told me to stop, all she said was 'Kacy harming you self is stupid and only Crazy people do it. Do it again and ill send you to holly hill.' she thinks i forgot about that day but it still haunts me every fucking day i lose more respect for her. Hayes, shes called me more names then anyone I've been in a fight with. She hurt me, a mother isn't supposed to hurt there child, a mother should protect them and be there to help them." i started chocking up in my voice almost about to cry.

"Then why May's" he asks

"May and her whole family know what goes on in that house, and i knew that my mom wouldn't argue if i was with her. Where would you have gone?" i ask playing with my hands.

"Nick's" he says

"Why? Nick is like 19" i say

"exactly, I'm with an Adult, so what can my mom say? Theres no adult?" he says

"oh,well hows Magcon?" i ask, his whole facial expression changed

"you haven't heard?" he says

"no. Ive been a bit busy" i state

"Carter, Cameron, Nash, and I. Well, we all got offered a better experience and a better chance." he says and rubsu his neck

"oh, good fir you. Are you happy?" i ask looking at him

"Yes, i really a," he says smiling

"I'm glad" i say

I play on my phone for a little,

"Are you hungry yet?" Hayes asks looking at me from his phone.

"umm yeah, sure" i say, stopping with I'm doing and put my phone down t eat. Its now 7:25 and i. Starving from lack of sleep and energy.

Hayes packed sandwiches and zebra cakes and crackers. I ate my crackers and sandwich.

"are you gonna eat your debbie cake?" he asks

"Yes.." i say pulling it close to me.

"oh" he says

I laugh and finish my food.

"wanna go on the swings?" i ask and stand up.

"Sure" he says walking next to me.

"How many times have you given up?" he asks interrupting our silence.

"To many" i say looking up at the sky.

"so how many times have you harmed yourself?" he asks swinging himself

I feel a tear fall down my face, the thought of having to remember hurts mire then our talk right now. "um, more than 10" i say

"there were more then 10 times when no one was there." he says

"i was alone, i was lost, i am alone, i am lost.." i say my voice getting lower.

"your not alone Kacy" He says looking at me.

"see i hear you, i see you, i know what your saying. But how come every time i hear some body say it, i feel like there drifting farther and farther from me." i ask

"Maybe because once someone wants to get to know tour secrets, you push them away." he says, he's right. I push people away and cant do anything to prevent it.

"i know what your saying, i push people away because I'm scared, i. Scared of fear, i. Terrified of being alone in the end, i hate that knowing one day ill be dead. For someone as suicidal as me you would never think about me wanting to live a happy life. I want to be happy and get married and have kids. But fear controls my life! Im scared that i will never! Ever! Be able to have boys or girls, like my mother!mi. Scared that one day if i get married that maybe my other half will die before me. Im scared! Okay I'm Just fucking scared." i almost start yelling then my voice drift off.

"Kacy, your scared because fear controls you? What about your acting and boyfriend and friends and sisters? What are they in your line of fear?" he asks

"those are the only things keeping me from jumping off a bridge and 'accidentally' hurting myself on the way down." i say i begin to stare t the sunrise.

"do you actually believe that the moon dies every morning just so the sun can shine? I do." i say

"yeah, i do" he says

When we leave the park its 9 am and he then takes me back to my house, and ells me to dress nice, like heels and a nice dress. So i do. I put in my little lady like black dress with my velvet black 2 inch heels,

"Where are we going?" i ask

"you'll see" he says.