circus freaks(on hold

what now.

it's been two months since Tony told me he wanted to go to college. we barley talked we barley ever looked in each other's eyes and every time i saw him my heart broke a little more. i tried to avoid him as much as possible so my heart would stop breaking.

it was Saturday and mom and Allen were at a doctors appointment with the babies and woul'nt be back for a few hours and Abbey was out with a few friends. aka cheer leading bitches. i was hanging out in my room and was about to go out to the gym to practice silks a little.  When i started to walk down stairs and when i got to the kitchen Tony was in there making a sandwich. i started to turn around untill Tony said something.

"you know you can walk threw it's not like i'm going to shoot you."

"what?" i said turning around.

"you act like i have the plague like every time you get near me i'm going to hurt you."

"Tony that's not the problem." i said turning towards the steps.

"then what is Jamie."

"you want to leave me to go to college and you want to get smart and not join the circus again." i said taking another step.

" is that what your stubborn brain thinks because it's wrong."

"what did you just say."

"i said is that what your stubborn brain thinks because it's wrong." he repeated

"are you sure because that's what it sounds like to me."

"but it's not...." i cut him off

"you know what i don't want to hear anything else that comes out of your mouth because it just adds on to my heart break and sorrow and i don't like being this way so just stop." i took a few more stepps but he still said something but it was in more of a whisper.

" you think your the only one hurting but your so wrong."

i kept walking up the stairs. i felt streams of tears rolling down my cheeks and they stung my eyes. i tried not to sniff but with the runneyness of my nose i couldn't help it.

" dammit Jamie i don't want you to cry i didn't mean..." i cut him off again. oh how rude of me but you know what i don't care

"just shut up Tony every thing you say is going to hurt me more."

he started to get angry. he raised his voice and i turned around to face him. "can't you see i'm not trying to hurt you dammit. can't you see i'm wanting to do this for you i want to be with you every minuet of my life but your being difficult dammit Jamie." he said punching the wall with all his might  trying to get the anger out.

i heard a loud crack that made my guts twist. i knew it wasn't the wall cause it was made out of bricks and solid wood. "FUCK." Tony yelled threw clenched teeth. i ran down the stairs and took his right hand the one he punched the wall with in mine. his fingers were still clenched and his knuckles were bleeding really badly and i could see some bone. i tried to unclench his hand but he just took it away.

"what are you doing." he asked.

"i'm trying to help you you idiot. " i snatched his hand back up and he winced in pain.

i retried to unclench his hand again and he screamed threw gritted teeth. i draged Tony over to a drawer and got out a towel then i got a sandwich baggie well too and got one filled with ice and put Tony's sandwich in the other and i wrapped his hand in the towel and ice and started to drag him to the garage.

":what are you doing?"

"I'm taking you to the freaking hospital because you being the idiot you are just punched a wall that was made up of bricks and solid wood you idiot and i think you broke some bones."  

once we were in the car and on the road we stoped fighting and the car was filled with silence. but it was like the comfortable silence that we would always share before we both ended up with broken hearts.i pulled up into to hospital and started to get out then i noticed Tony wasn't moving. i sat back down and looked over at him.

"Tony we're here. get out of the car."

"i'm such an idiot." he whispered out. his head was leaning back on the head resat and his eyes were closed and the expression on his face some what broke my heart. it was filled with regret and hurt and just depression.

"Tony what's wrong."

" i never meant to hurt you i wanted to go to college for you no for us for our future to have a better life but when you took it the wrong way i acted like a dick and hurt you and myself even more i made you cry." by now i saw a few tears stream down his face.

"what do you mean our future."

"Jamie what would happen if we get hurt and can't do the silks any more what would happen when we can't do the silks anymore and the circus wants nothing from us we would go to work at a gas station or supper market but how can we live like that if we want kids how are we going to support them how are we going to take care for ourselves. but if we have a job that we could still work with the circus we still have a pretty good life you know what i mean."

i stared at him my lip started to tremble. he opened his eyes and looked over at me. i instantly huged him and started to sob on his shoulder soaking his shirt.

"i'm- i'm so-so-so sor-sorry." i sob out to him. he wrapped his good arm around my back rubbing circles in it. "baby it's ok." he whispered to me.

"no it's not Tony i hurt you and i hurt myself it's all my fault you have a broken heart and knuckles it's all my fault."

"Jamie don't you dare say that if i told you what i said sooner then we wouldn't have had to go threw this and it's my fault i punched the stupid wall and broke my pride it's my fault don't you dare blame yourself. "

i looked up into his eyes and the did what i longed to do for a while. i kissed him. i kissed him with all the passion i had in me i kissed him with all the love i had in my heart for him which was almost my whole heart some of it was for other things like my friends and parent and stuff but off subject. i just kissed him and he kissed me back with just as much love and passion.

i pulled away and looked into his beautiful green eyes.

"let's go get your hand fixed you idiot." i said to him with one last peck of the lips.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~A/N

HEY GUYS HOWS IT GOING

I'M REALLY SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG FOR ME TO UPDATE I JUST HAD TO GET UP OFF MY LAZY ASS AND WRITE BUT IT WAS SO HARD CAUSE IT'S SUMMER AND THAT STUFF BUT ANYWAY I DID. I'LL TRY TO UPDATE MY GUARDIAN ASAP PROBABLY TOMORROW IF I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TOMORROW

LOVE YALL

PLEASE VOTE TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK I LOVE HEARING FROM YOU SO COMMENT

AND CONTINUE READING AND CHECK OUT

The Miracle on " The Performance"   by Hazalya

it's an awesome book and it's written by one of my best friends.

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