The Fire That Sparked My Soul- Newtmas AU

Chapter Three

♫Killing Me to Love You by Vancouver Sleep Clinic

Thomas's POV

Friday night, finally. It's a night I always look forward to. Mainly because I get to spend time with Newt, which is a rare since I'm always with Teresa. Don't get me wrong, I like Teresa, but just not in the same way I like Newt. 

We're sitting on his bed, just the two of us, and so many thoughts run through my head at once. I can't think like that, though, because I know he for a fact  he doesn't like me in that way. I'd be stupid for ever thinking he does. 

"So, biology," That beautiful, smooth British accent snaps me out of my trance immediately. I look up into his chocolate brown eyes and follow them as he sits next to me. Newt places a bright orange folder in front of us and opens it up. There are three A4 notebooks and worksheets galore. 

Newt silently flicks through a notebook until he finds something we can both study. I watch as his fingers delicately handle the paper, careful not to rip it. I catch a few glimpses at his handwriting- slanted, like italics, but neat. That's one thing I've always been jealous of. My hand writing is up, down, and sideways, and I don't know how anyone makes sense of it.

"DNA, genes and chromosomes okay with you, Tommy?" Newt asks, looking into my eyes. I struggle to find words of a few seconds, like I've completely forgotten how to speak. 

"Mhm, sure." I try to sound casual as I reply. I open my own notebook at a new page, ready to take notes. Newt hands me a black pen, which I click a couple times. It's kind of a habit I have. I so desperately want to copy everything he's written, but I know I wouldn't learn like that. "Can you talk me through it? I don't really understand it."

Newt only smiles and nods his head. "DNA-the molecules are large and complex. They carry the genetic code that determines the characteristics of a living..."

Newt trails off, signalling for me to answer. "Organisms," I know I'm right, because he smiles at me.

"Except from identical twins, each person's DNA is..."

"Unique." Just like you, I think inside my head. 

We do this back and forth for hours until I can confidently answer every question he asks. When I don't understand something, Newt explains it to me and asks me to repeat it over and over again until I can remember it. 

"You're definitely going to ace the test on Monday," Newt states as we pack away our school stuff. "You'll get an A for sure."

I laugh, knowing he's being too kind. If anything, he'll be the one getting an A, not me. Newt raises his eyebrows at me, telling me he's being serious. 

"As if, Newt, I'm not that  smart."

"You are, Tommy, you just need to believe in yourself." 

I smile at him, and mumble a small thanks. I feel my cheeks heat up and turn away, stuffing my folder into my already full school bag. 

For all the time we've spent together tonight, I've forgotten about my insomnia and anxiety, and I've forgotten about Newt's depression. When I see him smile and laugh like I did tonight, I forget about our problems, our mental health, our worries and self doubts.

Thankfully, Newt is letting me stay tonight. I don't feel like walking home alone in the dark. Anything could happen, the world seems to be more frightening at night. I'm not afraid of the dark per say, but I'm afraid of the darkness in my mind, and the darkness that surrounds me when I sleep. It tries to drag me in. It tries to ruin me, but I wake up...eventually. 

"I'm gonna get changed in the bathroom." I announce while I pull sweatpants and a t-shirt out my athletics bag, which I only took with me because I have training the next day. Newt nods his head and I slip out the room and into the bathroom across the hall. Once I'm changed, I brush my teeth and head back into Newt's bedroom.

There's a blow up bed next to his which I know I'm sleeping in. When Newt walks out the room and heads to the bathroom, I push the blow up bed closer to his bed so I won't be as frightened during the night. There's a fresh smell on the duvet covers, indicating his mom has washed them.

I crash on to the bed and let out a massive sigh. I hear Newt breathe out a laugh as he watches me. I smile into the pillow, biting my bottom lip to stop me smiling too wide. 

"You're not going to sleep are you, Tommy?" he asks me, sounding energetic. I want to laugh, I really do, because it's almost impossible for me to fall asleep.

"Nah," I reply, a smile still glued to my face. I turn around so I'm lying on my back and staring at the ceiling. "Wanna stay up and talk?" 

I hear newt's mattress creak as he slides into his own bed. There's a ruffling of sheets as he gets comfortable. "Sure." 

So that's what we do. 

We talk for hours, like every Friday night. We talk about our futures, what we love and fear most, but we never touch sensitive subjects because we know we'll never sleep.

I didn't realise the time until I looked at the clock. Two in the morning. I have training in less than twelve hours. Hell. 

"Night, Tommy." I hear Newt whisper after we decide it would be best to get some sleep.

"Night, Newt." I reply sleepily. 

Newt falls asleep first. His soft snores echo through the room and, not long after, I fall asleep too. 

Newt's POV

I wake up to screaming and crying. I reach for the lamp beside my bed and sit up once the room is dimly lit. I look to my left to see Thomas thrashing around in his sleep, saying things I can't quite work out. 

I quickly slide over next to him and force him on to his back. I shake his shoulders and repeat his name to try and wake him up.

"Tommy!" I yell as loud as I can. Thomas's chocolate brown eyes shoot open as he sits up frantically, trying to catch his breath. "Just breathe," I instruct. 

I breathe slowly with him until he finally starts to relax. 

"Newt-I'm so sorry, I-I," Thomas struggles to speak.

"Hey, it's okay. I know it happens, I've seen you worse, don't be sorry about it." I whisper and try to sound clam when, on the inside, I'm freaking out and having a mini heart attack. 

We sit in silence for a few minutes. Thomas has his shaking hands clasped together while I stare at the pattern on the duvet that separates us. It's so difficult not to inch closer and press my lips up to Thomas's, telling him he's safe and nothing will hurt him while I'm here. 

It's four o'clock. We've only had two hours of sleep, and Thomas has a track meeting in the morning. 

"Tommy, we should probably get some sleep, you've got athletics tomorrow-well, in eight hours." I say tiredly. My eyes are starting to droop and I know I won't be able to stay up for much longer.

"N-Newt?" Thomas stutters, his eyes bloodshot and puffy. "C-can you stay?"

I'm taken aback slightly and hesitant to answer, but a smile and blush creeps it's way on to my face. "Of course I can."

I climb in next to Thomas but I turn the opposite way to try and suppress the urge to wrap my arms around his torso and pull him ridiculously close to me. I want to ask him what he was dreaming about but I don't want to invade his privacy and upset him more. 

Right now, sleeping in the same bed together, feels different. It feels warm and like it's where we belong. But there's only one thought that lingers in my depressed mind; Thomas is dating Teresa now, he loves her. 

I force that thought out my head and live in the moment. I enjoy the comfortable silence in the room and let my mind drift off into a peaceful sleep. 

But it's turns unsettled when I worry-when I know Thomas will not be able to sleep.