The Fire That Sparked My Soul- Newtmas AU

Chapter Two

♫'Dynasty' by Miia.

~TW WARNING in this chapter.

Newt's POV

I pushed my way through the crowds in the school corridors desperately trying to find my friends. Everyone was taking things out their lockers or chatting to their small group of friends at the side, not really caring what was going on elsewhere. My head hung low and my hands were shoved inside the pockets of my black leather jacket.

I finally made it into the cafeteria where, sure enough, my friends were sitting at a table at the back. Minho spotted me first and waved for me to come over which brought a small smile on to my face. It was a real smile at first, until I saw Teresa and Thomas holding hands, then I had to keep that grin plastered on for as long as I could.

I tried to join in a conversation they were all having, but I just couldn't bring myself to care anymore. Everything sounded like it was under water as my mind slowly slipped away into another world.

Forgotten.

Useless.

Unwanted.

"Newt," I heard a voice say. "Earth to Newt."

Slowly the world started coming back to me and I lifted my head up to see everybody staring at me, worry spread all over their faces. I suddenly felt small, like I was a new born puppy born into a cruel world and didn't have a clue what was going on. I couldn't speak, my mouth was clamped shut.

"You alright?" Minho asked, his brows raised and a hand resting on my arm. I hummed a reply, not really wanting to speak. Gally opened his mouth to say something but before he could, the bell rang for first period. Chairs scraped across the floor as everybody in the cafeteria stood up. Teresa turned to Thomas, giving him a quick peck on the lips and whispering a goodbye before walking with Brenda to French.

I felt uncomfortable around them. Since they started dating six months ago I've felt more distant from everyone. I feel like everybody hates me, but although they want to leave me, it would be wrong to abandon the 'broken' boy. I say nothing, though, because I can't afford to fall out with Thomas. He's been there for me through everything.

TW WARNING

I tried to kill myself at the age of sixteen. That was two years ago, but the burden I carry from it has never left me. I couldn't face my demons anymore and my depression was at it's worst. I just couldn't take it, so I jumped off a cliff. I remember how the wind felt as I plummeted towards the ocean, and how the coldness of the salty water embraced my body, like it was where I belonged. However, I had hit my leg off a rock. It was sharp and pierced it's way through my skin and to the bone. I tried to scream but my mouth filled with water instead.

Time didn't pass quick enough. I just wanted everything to be over.

I had felt a strong pair of arms wrap around my torso and lift my body above the water. Everything was blurry. I was carefully placed on to my side as I choked the water out my lungs. I couldn't move.

I didn't know what was happening until I woke up in a hospital bed hours later. My body still felt cold, apart from my hand. I looked to my right, only to see Thomas carefully caressing my knuckles with his thumb. The look of pain and hurt shone in his eyes as he gazed at me. It was a look I could never forget.

Through every surgery I had, through every night I had woken up not breathing properly, Thomas was there. He never left my side through the three months I spent in hospital healing. When I finally went home, I felt empty.

And that's when I knew my feelings for Thomas were certain.

TW OVER

I didn't realise I was at biology until I was in my seat and staring at the blank white board at the front of the classroom. I shared a bench with Thomas, who was sitting closer to me than usual.

"Newt?" He asked. I slowly turned towards him, my eyes locked on to his. "You're not really okay, are you?"

I shook my head, and he sighed. Thomas could tell when my depression had been getting bad again. I would always walk in silence, and too many unwanted memories would come flooding back. He rubbed his tired face in his hands, which gave me an opportunity to talk to him.

"You didn't sleep much last night, did you?" I asked sadly. Thomas looked ashamed and let out a massive yawn.

"I just can't sleep, Newt. I don't know why, but I just... can't."

We both knew this was a lie. There's always a reason as to why Thomas can't sleep at nights, but he just won't admit it. I didn't push on, though, he was cranky and snappy when he was tired, and I sure as hell didn't want to get on his bad side.

Thomas's POV

I keep feeling like I'm pushing Newt away. Six months ago, when I started dating Teresa, he wasn't the same. Yes, we're obviously still best friends and we tell each other everything, but I can tell he's falling back into a dark hole again. However, he's still the same Newt to me.

At school he's quiet and always slipping in and out of reality, but when we're hanging out together, just the two of us, he's the Newt I've known all my life; fun, bubbly and confident. We help each other forget our mental illnesses for a while.

Every moment we have together is precious. Sitting next to Newt in classes benefits me. I've been having trouble keeping up with school lately because of my insomnia. I lay awake at night and over think what I'm doing to Newt; pushing him away, but keeping him close to me and trying not to shatter him into tiny pieces. It's difficult for me to keep my head around, but I'm doing good so far, right?

Newt hides the fact he is a genius. He thinks it makes him a freak, but I think it makes him even more adorable. He gets straight A's in tests while I usually only get C's or low B's. He helps me study on weekends, which helps, but I usually get lost in his chocolate brown eyes, or listening to his smooth British accent. It's like a lullaby singing me to sleep.

But I know that we can never be together. We're both broken in different ways and trying to save ourselves. We only have so much time before one of us lets our life slip past our fingers. I've seen how romances end; the boy gets the girl and they live a happy life with no worries or obstacles in their path.

My life is a twisted horror story. I can't let someone in and see how damaged I truly am.

It's bad enough to let yourself fall in love with someone.

But the hardest thing you can do is let someone fall in love with you.

~Updates every Thursday and Saturday/Sunday.

~These first two chapters were just letting you know about who everyone is and what they're going through, and also what Thomas and Newt feel for each other.

~I really hope this is okay so far and please leave suggestions for what I could add/do to improve this fic!