The Fire That Sparked My Soul- Newtmas AU

Chapter Nine

♫Dream by Imagine Dragons

~This chapter mentions panic attacks. I don't know much about anxiety or panic attacks but I've read a of fics that include this kind of stuff so I think it's close enough to being accurate.

Thomas's POV

My lungs burn as I battle for breath. My hands shake as I clench my fists on the cold, hard floor. I don't remember how I landed here. Seconds feel like hours as they pass ever so slowly.

"he loves you too," Teresa's conclusive words echo in my head. "It's perfectly okay."

"But it's not," I gasp, still struggling to regain my breathing. My vision is hazy and in slow-motion.

I'm broken; I suffer from insomnia and severe anxiety.

Newt's damaged; he suffers from depression and it's getting worse everyday. It's not been this bad since...that day.

We're fucked up, the both of us together. We've been screwed over, used and beaten by our mental illnesses too many times.

Why are we still alive?

Every inhale is sharp and no air can get into me.

I'm going to die.

I can't fucking think straight.

I can't tell myself to breathe.

I can't speak.

I can't hold my body weight.

My body thuds on to the floor as I fall on my side. Nobody can hear it, though, because of the fucking music that's about to make my head explode in pain. All my bones and muscles ache as I try to move but the lack of breathe tells my body otherwise.

My fingers stretch as I try to grip the wooden floor but fail miserably.

My head spins. I feel dizzy.

Darkness.

~~~

I wake to sunlight peering through the gap in the curtains of a bedroom. It warms my back-

I bolt upright. How did I end up in a bed? Why am I shirtless? What happened to me?

Last I remember, I was lying on the floor, having a panic attack. I thought I was dead. I reach for my phone which is on the bedside table to my left. I have missed calls and texts from Newt, Teresa, Minho and Gally.

Gally: Where are you? You haven't been answering anyone's texts.

Mihno: Teresa told you guessing by the fact you're missing this party. We'll give you some time to think.

Teresa: You ok Thomas? We're worried about you, none of us have seen you in a couple of hours. I'm kind of drunk, don't wake me in the morning unless it's important.

I chuckle at Teresa's text. That girl, I swear...

Newt: Where are you?

Newt: Are you okay?

Newt: Tommy, please answer me.

Newt: Bloody hell, where are you shuck face?! You haven't replied to any of us, we're worried sick.

Fuck. I must not have heard my phone go off. How could I? I was passed out on the floor for a long time. How long was I there before someone found me?