The Fire That Sparked My Soul- Newtmas AU

Chapter Seven

♫Dark Paradise by Lana Del Ray

Thomas's POV

"My track meet was cancelled," I say to Newt as I drop my bag on to his bedroom floor with a thud. There's a smiling playing at my lips which I bite down.

"Alright," Newt replies with tiredness lingering in his voice. He seems more content today- more full of life. His depression has been a bit up and down recently; he'll be having a good day or moment until something extraordinarily small comes along to ruin it. Every word spoken is tame.

"Are you gonna stay at Minho's tonight?" I ask to break the silence that only lasted a few seconds.

"Might as well, got nothing better to do. I need to lift my spirits somehow," Newt responds dimly. All I can do is give him a sad, sympathetic smile. "You'll be sharing a room with Teresa I take it," he tries to lighten the mood.

I stand, staring at Newt with a dumbfounded expression, thinking of a casual reply that won't make me sound like a complete and utter dick. I shrug and lean against the wall with my arms crossed over my chest, "I guess."

Newt nods his head and focuses his gaze elsewhere. I can tell he's disheartened by the thought of it.

We all know Teresa can drink and hold her alcohol but sometimes she's slightly over excessive and starts getting risky. Either she does some incredibly mad, stupid and wild dares or winds up leaning over the toilet spewing up the contents in her stomach.

However, she's been caught winching with random guys only a couple of times- that's how the rumors about her started. She's never slept with another person because she's responsible, even when she's drunk.

Newt's afraid she'll do something to hurt me.

I can't blame him. He's been hurt enough times to know what true pain feels like. But he's also been picked back up and rebuilt. He knows what courage and confidence feels like, better than anyone.

Newt won't admit he's strong.

He won't admit he's brave.

He won't admit he's admired.

Secretly I cherish him and his ephemeral laugh and smile. I love every fault he sees in himself.; his frail body, his chocolate brown eyes and fluffy blonde hair I desperately want to run my finger through. I want to trace circles on his bare back while he sleeps though the night.

I've always wanted to feel the heat of Newt's breath as his lips graze mine while we contemplate kissing. I want to pull his hips tightly to mine until there's no space between us, not even for breathing.

But I know none of that will happen.

Newt doesn't have feeling for me- the pathetic insomniac who suffers from fucking anxiety that squeezes the breaths out of me every time I speak aloud in front of a class or people I don't know.

"Wanna grab something to eat, Tommy, you look pale," Newt's mellow voice breaks through the glass wall of thoughts that rush through my mind.

"S-sure," I stutter out, my breathing challenging me. I force it down and recapture it as quick as I can.

I follow Newt's petite strides towards the kitchen. He throws me a red apple which I catch in both hands. I murmur a thanks before I take a bite. I immediately feel better, blood flowing through my body once more.

No nerves tackle me as I think about the positives of tonight; freedom, escape, alcohol...

... and Newt.

Newt's POV

Everything seems opaque.

I stare out my window into the dreary night as I await for Thomas to finish washing himself in the shower so I can go in after.

Do I really want to go to this party? Yes but, at the same time, no.

Why? People, alcohol, couples kissing in the corner.

Who might that be? Thomas and Teresa.

Don't get me wrong, Teresa is a lovely girl with an incredible personality and is one of my best friends, but she's dating the man I want for myself. I can't let myself love anyone. Especially not right now.

I've had my fair share of agony and I don't want to feel it again when everything goes to shit.

The soft pitter patter of rain hits against my window and slowly glides it's way down to the bottom where it separates. Watching the weather is immensely satisfying. It's like the world has it's own personality. Sun for marvellous days, rain for atrocious days, thunder storms for enraged days and natural disasters for eerie days.

Thomas's padding footsteps echo through the hallway. There's a peculiar feeling in the house tonight. The temperature of each room is perfect, everything is silent save for the shower water running, and there is hardly any movement.

I huff as I grab my towel and clothes stroll into the bathroom, passing Thomas on the way. His gaze seems to linger on me as I walk past, his eyes never lifting from my slender body. I brush it off, though, because if I had the chance, I would stare at his ass all night long.

Hot water drips down my body, soaking every inch of my skin. I never want to move. Peaceful thoughts come to my mind and clam me only when I'm showering. All the positives come back and I can feel my depression lifting off my shoulders...only to come back again after a matter of seconds.

Once I'm clean, I wrap a towel around myself and dry off. I pull on black skinny jeans, a dark blue t-shirt and a light blue and white chequered plaid shirt on top of that.

I would like to say I look dashing but I don't want to set my expectations too high.

Everything could come crumbling down.

There could be pieces of me scattered on the floor like a broken glass. It's damn near impossible to find the fragments that bury themselves under objects or squeeze themselves into the gap between the floor boards. Then there's only so long before somebody else gets damaged because of me.

I keep my composure and walk back to my bedroom. Thomas looks at me with lust painting his face.

Why? I'm not attractive.

Thomas blushes and looks elsewhere and covers everything up with a not-so-subtle cough. I laugh lowly and grab my phone and car keys.

"I'm driving," I state.

"Are you sure?" Thomas asks sheepishly.

"Course," I shrug, "you'll probably drink and have a hangover tomorrow whereas I won't."

"Thanks, Newt."

I can't shake the sinking feeling from my stomach as we leave for Minho's party.