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"An Apple a day keeps the doctor away"
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My bones ache and my breathing is staggered but when I glance at my fitness watch the number 200 blinks back at me and I know I need to keep going, keep running, keep moving.
I haven't burned enough calories nor have I lost enough weight yet. I know I have to keep going. Even if my legs refuse to cooperate.
The strawberries I had that morning have been used up a long time ago but it doesn't matter. I have enough fat on my body to last me a whole marathon.
My hands are numb and tingly and my lungs burn like an oven. But it's worth it if my thighs are shrinking. Right? If for one moment I can taste success instead of fatty food, I know it would taste much better. To know what it feels like to look and feel like a person and not like a bean bag chair.
To be able to wear what I want
Be who I want.
This thought pushes me through another mile after which I collapse onto my lawn
When I finally get inside I gulp down a bottle of water and strip off my running clothes.
They're starting to get baggy actually...that puts a smile on my face.
I'll have to buy a smaller size soon. I wash my face and pull out my scale from under the nightstand. It glows like a light in a tunnel.
It draws me in like a fly. And just like those lights that hang on southern porches, zapping the poor things, the neon light of the electronic scale attracts me and kills me.
146 it reads.
Better
But not enough.
And I swear I feel a zap of electricity as I'm stepping off.
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At school the next day I sit at my lunch table and take out an apple.
I find that having little meals throughout the day keeps me from binging.
80 calories
+the 100 I had in my iced coffee that morning and another 200 or so for my dinner.
Salad, obviously.
Puts me at a decent total of 380ish.
I'll burn that off in no time. At least 500 calories burned from school and walking to and from home. That's pretty decent I suppose.
As I'm calculating in my head and biting into my apple. my friend sits down next to me with a tray.
Fries, lettuce, ketchup, mashed potatoes, juice = carbs,fat, calories.
I gag internally.
So many calories....
so many unfriendly carbs and fats piled on top of one another.
She glances at my apple and smiles
"wow, you're eating so healthy lately!"
my eye twitched and I swallow the piece that I've been chewing for the past 5 minutes before I respond
"yup" I state and wave my apple at her.
"An apple a day keeps the doctor away" I say, faking a smile
she laughs. and jumps into some monologue about girls in her Algebra class.
An apple a day huh?
how about JUST an apple a day,
might not keep the doctor away but it sure would keep the fat away.
the apple crunches under my teeth.
YOU ARE READING
Shrinking Violet
Teen FictionA first-hand account of life with an eating disorder. Told from the perspective of a girl named Violet Describing the harrowing experiences and feelings of mental illness, eating disorders, and dealing with your demons throughout life. Even if you...
