Shrinking Violet

Chaper 2 - a day in the life

"The fear of an unknown never resolves, because the unknown expands infinitely outward, leaving you to cling pitifully to any small shelter of the known: a cracker has twelve calories; the skin, when cut, bleeds."
- Caroling Kettlewell, Skin Game

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I walk to school these days,
It burns more calories than driving.

It helps me waste more time before I go to that soul-sucking building

I wonder how many calories talking to yourself burns
Because I do that every morning when I walk

I have full conversations with myself
With my disorders
It's a real hoot

I step into the linoleum filled hallways and breathe in the smell of floor cleaner they use to scrub this place clean during the weekend.
But you can never really get the smell of angst and teenage drama out of the air.

I spot my locker and head over to it
Putting in the digits without paying much attention
It doesn't open
I sigh and stare at the numbers intently this time as they spin underneath my fingertips

I hate school,
I remind myself

As I open the metal door and my textbooks spill out onto the floor.
Papers fly all over the hallway.

I sigh and bend down to pick them up.

I hear a familiar laugh and grit my teeth.
I do not turn around.
I don't need to see his face right now.
I've seen enough garbage today on my way to school.

The person I'm referring to is someone who used to be a friend

My friends ex boyfriend also

He was a dick

And he used to be so nice to me, until he decided he had used my kind nature to its fullest and decided to start insulting me and spreading rumors behind my fat back.

I was handed a piece of paper
I looked up to see my best friend standing there.

All thin legs and tiny waist.

I took the paper from her hand, staring longingly at her bony fingers.

"Hey" , she says as I shuffle my papers together and push them into my backpack

"Hi" I say.

"Depressed as usual I see"? She smirks

"Yup". I respond

My mental state has become somewhat of a joke between us.
It helps me laugh at myself I guess.

Just then the first bell rings.
We glance at each other and head to our classes.

I enter my first period class and take a seat in the middle seat of the middle row, like always.

It's the perfect spot.

I get a good look at the board, I'm not in the front so I don't get called on constantly (my anxiety thanks me), but I'm upfront enough to satisfy my perfectionism. Really it's always about making my demons feel as comfortable as possible.

You're welcome guys.

I doodle granola bars and veggie burgers in my notebook as the teacher begins a re-cap of the topic we've been working for on the past week. We never seem to get past this certain period in history for some reason.
It seems to me that for something so terrible we sure to spend a shit ton of time learning about the events of World War II.