[Del]'s Diary

ENTRY FORTY-TWO

I woke up with a stiff neck and back, and found myself on the floor. They took everything, even Logos. Those fuckers.

I just lied on the floor, my back towards them. I wanted to cry, but didn’t want to give them the satisfaction, so I just held it in.

It was a long time before Fill came, which gave me time to remember some things like the sound of Fill’s voice singing. I tried to sing one of the songs, but the lyrics just kept going in circles: “She’ll be coming round the mountain when she comes,” and I began to worry she might never arrive.

I kept my stomach on the floor when Fill walked in. He sat down cross-legged across from me, but I refused to look up at him.

He sighed and said, “Why are you making things harder on yourself?”

I replied by singing the lyric over again, louder now.

He waited for a while as I sang. Then finally, “Look, your ice cream is beginning to melt.”

I rolled to my side and looked up at him. He was holding two plastic bowls of vanilla ice cream on his lap.

“What’s that for?” I asked.

“Peace offering,” he said as he placed a bowl in front of me. “Since we aren’t allowed to smoke the pipe inside.”

I rolled back onto my stomach, and tried to forget the cool refreshing taste of ice cream. It would be a nice break from apples.

I could hear Fill savor his dairy treat. “You know it’s not like we want to watch you, or are taking notes. We have to watch you for your own good. Ensure you don't pose a harm to yourself.”

I looked up at him again. “Why would I?”

“Let’s just say you don’t have the greatest track record for self-preservation.”

I wondered what he meant, but somehow I knew. It’s why I’m here.

And then, I don't know why I did it, but the next thing I did was scream, “Maybe you just like to watch,” and then grabbed the bowl and flung it onto his face. I’m actually a little shocked and embarrassed that I lost my temper like that.

He didn’t get mad like I expected him to. Instead, he casually wiped his face with the back of his sleeve and said, “You need to play this smart. Keep your strength up.” He gave me a hard look, picked up the bowls and left the room, leaving Logos and a pen behind.

[Deleted]