Miserable at best

slow dancing in a burning room

i was the one you always dreamed of
you were the one I tried to draw
how dare you say it's nothing to me
baby, you're the only light I ever saw
-john mayer
slow dancing in a burning room

ashton not doing good. he felt like his friends didn't care as much about him as much as he cares about them. he was currently sitting on a couch in his dressing room, they had just preformed and it was great but who cares about the drummer?

ashton felt like crying but he couldn't. the boys  were supposed to go to a party and ashton couldn't back out again. he's said no the past few times and they won't stop giving him shit. suddenly he had the idea of playing sick, they were suckers when it came to the sick excuse.

ashton walked out of his dressing room to where michael, calum, and luke were all sitting.

"guys i hate to bail on the party but my stomachs really bugging me. i think i just go back to the hotel but you guys should go" ashton said placing a hand on his stomach and rubbing it for emphasis.

"do you want me to stay with you? just in case you need something?" luke said mentally reminding himself to thank ashton when he felt better, luke really didn't want to party, he wanted to wallow in his sadness. 

"no luke it's fine, you can go out" ashton said even though he hoped luke would stay with him, wanting to spend a little extra time with him

"i'll go back with you, so you're not alone and sick" luke shrugged

michael and calum decided they would call an uber to the party while ashton and luke took the van back to the hotel because "no uber driver wants ashton puke in their car"

ashton and luke were sharing a hotel room this tour stop, they walked into their shared room and ashton laid down on the couch while ashton sat down on the arm of the chair next to the couch before sliding down into the chair.

"you alright ash?" luke asked

"what? oh yeah i'm okay" ashton said forgetting about his lie for a moment. he was too in his head. luke nodded, butterflies in his stomach, and pulled out his phone

penguinlover69: i have a problem

idontknow69: what?

penguinlover69: i'm in love with my best friend and i don't think he's gay

idontknow69: oh fuck but like me too. he's straight as a ruler

penguinlover69: what are the odds were both in love with our straight best friends

idontknow69: small fucking world

penguinlover69: i'm cold

idontknow69: that was off topic. get a blanket

penguinlover69: too lazy

idontknow69: then you don't get to complain

penguinlover69: you're mean

idontknow69: i know you are but what am i

penguinlover69: wow that was unnecessary

idontknow69: i know you are but what am i

penguinlover69: can you not

idontknow69: nope

penguinlover69: i gotta go i feel like trash

idontknow69: why?

penguinlover69: idk i'm super nauseous

idontknow69: ew

penguinlover69: i haven't even eaten anything in awhile so there's like no good reason but my stomach is not happy.

idontknow69: gross gotcha

idontknow69: wait you haven't eaten still?

luke walked into the bathroom sitting in front of the toilet just in case. almost willing it to happen so he could stop feeling like this. after sitting in front of the toilet he slid back to lean against the wall and pulled out his phone.

penguinlover69: just haven't wanted to eat

idontknow69: did you puke

penguinlover69: ugh no, i wish. i'm just over the feeling.

idontknow69: okay topic change but, what's your name. i've wanted to say it a few times but i'm not gonna type up "penguinlover69 you're gonna be okay"

penguinlover69: lol yeah, it's luke.

ashton froze a little before mentally checking himself, luke's a common name. there's no way he's talking about his luke. his perfect, beautiful luke - who he's had a massive crush on for years now.

idontknow69: okay luke, i gotta go i'm literally on the verge of passing out, so tired.

penguinlover69: no name back?

idontknow69 has disconnected

luke sighed and walked out of the bathroom, sitting back down on his seat. ashton opened his eyes at luke's return. he had been in his head about his relationship with his friends.

"hey luke can i talk to you?" ashton suddenly asked

"yeah what's up?" luke questioned putting down his phone

"it's stupid really, i just feel like i don't mean anything to you or cal or mike. and i hate to ask for reassurance but i've just been overthinking everything"

"ash you mean the world to me. you're my best friend" luke said rotating in his chair so he was facing ashton. "i know mike and cal love you too. you mean everything to us ashton, i don't see why you think differently"

"i just feel like i mean nothing to anyone"

luke felt like crying in that moment, ashton telling him he thinks he means nothing to luke. if only luke had the courage to tell him how much he loved him. instead luke got off his chair and walked over to the couch and sat down in front of ashton who's eyes were watering. luke grabbed his hand and said "you mean everything to me. don't ever forget it"

ashton let a few tears drop from his eyes and say up on the couch. luke got up and sat next to him, pulling ashton into his side and giving him a hug. "i love you ashton, so so much okay?" ashton sobbed into luke's shoulder while he thought through all his feelings