I stare at myself in the mirror. I don't recognize this girl, and it's not because of the hair. I shiver in the bathrobe I was given, waiting for him to return. I watch as the water line of the tub slowly rises. He returns shortly, holding a towel and some fresh clothes.
"I'll be back in ten minutes. The shampoo and soap are already in there." He looks around and sets the items down. Backing out of the room, he shuts the door behind him. Steam has begun to cloud up the edges of my reflection. I glance around nervously and remove the robe. I gently lower myself into the hot water, tension already releasing from my body.
For a few minutes, I just sit there, letting the water come up to surround me. It's been so long since I've bathed, and dirt and sweat have built up. I start using some of the water to slowly scrub and rinse my body. I lean over and turn off the spout.
I lean back, soaking my hair and scalp. I can feel the muck draining from my hair. I pour a little bit of shampoo into my hand and begin massaging it deep into my roots. I feel the most relaxed I've felt in a while. I tilt my head, rinsing the suds off. I sink down a little more into the tub, enjoying the feeling of being surrounded. The water is up to my chin. I descend a little deeper into the water. The water seems to wash away all the stress. I can forget reality in here. I close my eyes and decide to submerge myself completely. The water encompasses me, making the world disappear.
In this situation, I'm not afraid of the dark. It beckons me. My lungs scream for air, but I'm not ready to return to the surface. My body is telling me to come back up, but my mind wants to remain under. I push down the burning sensation that fills my nose, thinking only of escaping. My only thoughts are that if I stay down I can escape the whole earth around me. My mind begins to blank as my body goes limp. Any light that was filtered through my eyelids goes fuzzy and fades away. As I begin to disappear into the darkness, I feel something plunge into the water. Hands wrap around my arms and pull me back to my true location.
The burning becomes clearer as my distraction fades away. I'm hoisted to my feet, and I feel something wrapped around me. I refuse to open my eyes, hoping I can sink back into the dark. My feet leave the tub for a moment and are placed back on the bathroom floor. My knees buckle beneath me, and a small whimper escapes my lips.
"What are you doing?" the one who stripped away the darkness asks urgently. He catches me before I can fall, and I can feel his concern. I start coughing, which transitions into heaving up water. My eyes remain shut, but I can feel the tears begin to stream. My body starts to tremble and twitch, and the solitude that was once there is replaced by a cold gust of air and emptiness. The biting, piercing pain refuses to abandon me the way the darkness did.
"I said, what are you doing?" he tightens his grip on my arms. I only then realize how tense I am, so I relax a little bit. But only a little. I still haven't processed the information enough to speak. I try to coax my eyes open, but the light around me is too much. I gasp for air between vomiting, afraid for what will happen now that I've been caught. I force myself to pry my eyelids open. The tears cascade down my cheeks, making anything I'm able to make out blurry. I try to focus on the figure holding me up in an attempt to understand the situation.
Cowering, I glance up at him. Worry shows on his face, but I can tell he's trying to push it away. I clutch at the towel around me, trying to get my footing and break away from his hold. I try to scoop the clothes up off the ground. Stumbling to the door, I stagger down the hallway. I shut the door behind me, ignoring his questions as I go, and sink to the ground.
I gulp any air I can get. I can feel myself going into a panic attack. Why couldn't he have just left me there? I wouldn't have to go through any of this. I wish I could have just melted away into the void. My heart races, and I feel like I can't move. I wish I would calm down. I want to calm down. But, I can't. I worry that I'll start heaving up water again. After a few more minutes, it begins to slow down. I rock back and forth with my arms wrapped around my legs. My breathing is shaky as the crying stops. I start to come to my senses and wipe my eyes.
I hiccup a little and bring myself to my feet. I use the cloth to dry myself off, the water dripping down my back and pooling on the floor. I crawl under the covers, leaving the garments on the floor. Curling up into a ball, I try to recreate the sensation of the water. Frustration bubbles up, and I'm not sure who to blame.
Do I blame Brian for pulling me out? Do I blame the darkness because it couldn't protect me? Do I blame myself for feeling like this to start with? I think that if I squeeze my eyes shut for long enough, I can go back. But, I just start to see stars.
I hear the door open, and I bury myself even farther. It shuts again, but I can't tell which side of the door he's on. I hear footsteps and assume that he is inside the room and coming closer. I bury myself even deeper in the covers and scoot as far as I can away from where I hear the footsteps.
AN: sorry for not posting when i was supposed to. i'll be back on schedule, hopefully, by tomorrow. thanks for everything
YOU ARE READING
She's Gone
Fanfiction"'David, Gabbie can't be next,' I said, my voice breaking. He pulled me into his chest, and I broke down sobbing. 'She's not safe,' I wailed. He stroked my hair, knowing there was nothing he could say."
