She's Gone

Liza's POV

I sat at her kitchen table on my computer, attempting to catch up on school work. She came home about a week ago, but I refuse to leave her home alone, especially in the state she's in. She hasn't left her room, and I bring food up to her during meal times, but usually, I bring the plate back down exactly how I left it. I've been trying to mask my concern and pain, but I get more and more worried by the day that nothing will ever be the same. Sighing a little, I punched some numbers into a calculator, trying to get lost in the music playing through my earbuds and the work I was focused on. I did my best to distract myself from the problems plaguing my life.

I didn't hear the light, hesitant footsteps coming down the stairs, but my gaze immediately snapped up at any sudden movement I saw. She avoided eye contact as she walked over to a cabinet to retrieve a glass. She'd lost a lot of weight, and she hadn't showered in days. The skin appeared to hug her bones tightly as her body searched for any source of energy it could while lacking food. My eyes followed her as she walked over to the fridge to get some water. She pushed the cup against the lever that dispenses water from the door, and it's like she wasn't even in there. This wasn't the girl I know.

Water began to fill into the cup as I tried to read her emotions. Her face was blank, and her eyes were glazed over. She appeared to be elsewhere in thought. Suddenly, I heard a small splash as water began spilling onto the floor from the overflowed glass. Her hand held it in place as water coursed into the glass that couldn't contain it any longer. "Gabbie!" I blurted, trying to get her attention. After a moment, she blinked and pulled herself back into reality, setting the glass onto the counter. "I'll clean it up. Don't worry about it," I muttered, standing up to get some paper towels to clean the puddle of liquid off of the floor.

Abandoning the glass of water on the counter, she moved past me and went into the living room to turn on the tv. I kneeled down to soak up the spill, and after throwing away the paper towels, I went and sat in the living room as well. Her eyes remained fixed on the tv, still refusing to look at me. We were seated on different couches, and I watched her as she watched the television. I had no intention of folding first. I was tired of losing my best friend over and over again. It hurt too much. I needed answers or at least for her to acknowledge my presence.

I sat back on the sofa, studying her features. I couldn't help myself but take in every detail. I hadn't gazed into her eyes or admired her physique in forever, and it was as if I was afraid this is the last time I would look at her. Everything about her stunned me in this moment. The emotional and physical distraught she was facing was nothing to me and did a poor job in masking her beauty. I'd missed my best friend. My thoughts were interrupted when she finally spoke. Her voice sounded hostile and bitter. "That'll be all, Liza," she said in a soft yet powerful voice, clearly signaling for me to leave.

That hurt. I got what I wanted, didn't I? She recognized that I was in the room, but I never expected that kind of response. Blinking back the weakness I refused to show in front of her, I rose from my seat, fully expecting myself to exit calmly. Even I was surprised when I whipped around, realizing my way of expressing pain as of late was anger.

"Gabbie, you're not the only one hurting right now," I blurted. Her jaw clenched, staring intently at the programming. "You can't ignore me forever. I'm the only one who gave a single shit about you throughout all of the years. I've always been there for you. I was there when your parents weren't. For fuck's sake, I'm still here while they aren't. Through every breakup, every milestone, every heartbreak, every celebration, I was there, Gabbie," I raged. She gritted her teeth. "You lived in my house for months. I fucking shared a bed with you, and this is what it's come to?" I said, throwing my hands up. "I refuse to give up on you. I've been there through it all, and you can't get rid of me that easily."

"What do you want from me?" she asked, tearing her eyes away from the screen. Her voice had an icy tone that bit back. My emotions were strong and out in the open while hers were concealed yet so powerful. She came across calm yet dangerous.

"I want you to care as much as I do because I know she's in there. The girl who taught me everything I know about being a good person. The girl who knew exactly how to make me laugh. The girl who helped me through all of the hard times. My best friend. I know she's in there," I urged. She scoffed.

"Liza, she's gone," she replied, rolling her eyes and looking back to the tv. Everything was bubbling to the surface, and her unwillingness infuriated me.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry that he's gone. I'm sorry that you're going through all of this. I'm sorry that you feel like you have to go it alone. But I'm not sorry that you're back. I feel no remorse for bringing you home because that's exactly what it is. Home. You belong here, Gab," I insisted. When she looked back over to me, there were tears in her eyes.

"You just don't get it, do you?" she gulped. "I can't do it. I can't be normal again. I can't pretend it didn't happen. I can't face everybody else who is going to look at me differently. I can't handle being without him. Do you have any idea what it's like to spend every waking moment with someone, and then have them ripped away from you?" she quavered.

"Actually, I do," I responded, moving to sit down again, having a difficult time suppressing the tears.

"Things can't be the same anymore. I wish you would have just moved on. I don't matter that much. You'd be just fine without me. I was happy. He made me happy. Things weren't bad. But, now they're worse," she tried convincing, tears streaming down her face.

"You don't get it, Gabbie. I fucking tried," I cried. "I was distraught. Everyone else found a way to move on, and I was so envious of them for finding a way to live life. You were my Brian. You were taken from me, and I never found a way to cope. Life isn't better without you. It's so much fucking worse, and I've never been more relieved to see anyone than when I walked into that house in Wisconsin. I mean, look at you," I smiled, tears in my eyes. "You don't get how much you mean to me."

"I'm scared," she whimpered. I moved to sit next to her, and for once she didn't flinch away.

"I'm scared, too," I said softly. "But, there's no one I'd rather be scared with." Her lip trembled, and she threw her arms around me, pulling me into a hug.

"I'm sorry," she sobbed into my shoulder, her back shaking from the tears. "I missed you so much." We held onto each other with tears streaming down our faces, completely vulnerable and open.

"I missed you more than you could ever imagine. Please don't leave again," I sniffled. She laughed, wiping her nose on her sleeve.

"I don't plan to."