100 Eyes

Chapter 1

2017-03-31

It's been a while until I wrote something. I was doing lots of sports, working, meeting friends, planning my bestie's bachelorette party, celebrating my b-day, watching TV, furnishing my apartment and participating in a project. I did everything to keep my mind as busy as possible and to spend as less as possible time thinking about my relationships. I felt relieved, but also hopeful at the same time. But now I watched romantic movie (cannot be cheezier, right?) and all the emotions came back. The only thing that I desire now is to fall in love with someone at some point and to have a truly pure feelings and just to be happy. I hope and want to meet a person that would appreciate me and I could appreciate him equally. The person that could teach me and could learn from me at the same time. The person that would hug me before I fall asleep and once I wake up. The one who's voice would be sexiest thing ever. The butt that I would want to grab once he comes back from the shower naked. As long as I did not met him, I want to live my life to the fullest and just to be happy and have an open door for that guy in my life.

2017-02-19

This is one of those night when I know that I need to sleep, but I just can't. I am thinking about the ones I loved, hated, then became indifferent. But there are still some people that I wish that it worked out despite knowing that it is never going to happen. The memories and wishful thinking are filling this gap. Also it is a moment of mystery as I don't know who life is going to bring me next and if it is finally going to be the one. The one that I will love unconditionally and I will receive same love from him. The one that will care as much about me as I will care about him. The one that will feel the happiest person to sleep together and to wake up smelling my hair and pulling me tight next to him. The one whose eyes will light up once he sees me. The one that will laugh like an idiot in public after seeing my texts. The one whose smile I will adore and will want to keep in my heart the whole day until I will see him after work. The one that will miss me even being fives minutes away. The one that will care as much as about my day as about my success. The one that will help me decide once I am lost. The one that will always assure that our love isn't ever fading away. Is that too much to ask? Did I already missed the chance once I destroyed everything with the Greek God? Was he the one and is there nobody else left for me despite 8 billion people in this planet? Why I cannot stop thinking about him - am I insane? How can I keep feelings for a person that I barely knew and that refuses to be in my life? How long it will take until I finally get him out of my mind? Or is it going to be this way forever? I forgot and forgave to The Good Guy Gone Bad, I forgot and forgave to the Fallen Angel. Why I cannot forget and forgive to the Greek God and to myself? Yes, I screwed things up, but he also did. I forgive Greek God and myself for being wrong people at the wrong time. I forgive us for meeting during the wrong circumstances. I want him to be happy and to love someone. I wish same for myself and I hope that he forgave me as well. I am only afraid that he forgot me...

2017-02-18

The Fat Guy never responded me back despite my apologies, but tonight I dream that I am extremely sexy to myself, have perfect body, long hair and the feeling that I am powerful. At the same time, he was begging to meet me, I agreed, but again he could not as he was going to the theatre and had lots of work to do, so I told him that we are over. I really felt the huge disappointment in his action and in him as a person and I am happy for that. Maybe it's the first time when my dreams works together with me, but not against me. I am feeling really good now - as I know that I am doing the right thing and my unconscious mind agrees with me what is very rare.

And here are some new rules to follow:

First, love and treat yourself, your health and happiness are the priorities.