100 Eyes

Chapter 6

2015-01-29

I am feeling fine, but the Mr. Self-Confidence didn't text me today We have been to fives dates now. He kissed me during the fourth one. However, it's his problem if he is not texting me. I am feeling fantastic in the meantime, despite the fact that last 10 days were crazy: I got into argument with my landlord, I had a huge flood in my apartment and the water were coming down through my floor to neighbors ceiling, then the construction workers of another neighbor drill a hole in my bathroom (what an accident, maybe they were hoping to check me out while I was in the shower). I also had to fails with Mr. Self-Confidence. This Sunday I went on a date with another guy and I wanted to let my friend know that I arrived safely and I am waiting him, but accidentally I texted to Mr. Self-Confidence. Then I had to lie to Mr. Self-Confidence that I it was a bad joke and I asked him to meet me up.

The second fail was when "Mr. Self-Confidence" and I were standing next to the movie theatre and my mother called. She asked what I was doing, and I told that i am going to see the movie. When she asked with whom, I pretended that I didn't heard her question and tried to switch the topic and I was saying "yes, yes" instead. I didn't want him to know that I told my mother about him. But she was shouting: "So now you are meeting "Mr. Self-Confidence"so often now?". He was laughing, so probably he heard this awkward conversation. But then he was strange in the movies, he didn't touch me or kiss me. And by saying goodbye he kissed me unwillingly,.

And I never heard from him again.

2015-01-17

This saturday I went on a Tinder date as regular. He is working in IT company and he is a team lead, 28 years old, talkative, self-confident, sporty. We talked for several hours what was a surprise to me as due to my recent dating habits, I had short 30-60 minute length dates mostly as I got bored usually.

Mr. Self-Confidence texted me the next day and told that yesterday was only a repetition before the real date, and today we are having the real date. We went to the lake at night at it was beautiful to see the frozen lake. He took my hand on the way that I wouldn't slip - what a perfect excuse. Then we went to the restaurant and kept talking for hours. He was extremely interesting to talk to, as despite being young, he had lots of experience, various jobs and lived abroad. The best thing was that I could feel myself with him and I didn't need to pretend to be different person. And was smiling without any struggle, he was initiative and manly. He never let me to pay and told that it is a nonsense for a girl to pay during the date. Also Mr. Self-Confidence is eating extremely healthy, almost never drinks, exercise on a daily basis, has a great sense of humour and he is very manly.

2015-01-11

I wrote a note for myself into diary: I will never text the guy first, to answer only 10 minutes or later, sometimes even a day after. I have to take control back in my hands and to play with the guys. I have to be relaxed, it only works then. And I am going to lots of dates until I will find the right one. I will give my attention equally to all guys, despite if there is one that I like more. I will be relaxed, friendly and calm, but I won't forget humour and sometimes to make fun out of the guy. Otherwise the guy can become too cocky and self-confident.

However, I am glad that I started to go random dates as it gives me a bit more of self-esteem. I am not sure where and why I lost it.

No! Stop the negativity! Start thinking positively: I am a great woman, I love myself! I am perfect, amazing, magical, fantastic, smart, beautiful, talented, successful, I am doing great both at work and personal life! I am walking straight and smiling! I get everything I want, all my dreams come true.

2015-01-08

I am feeling depressed that I don't have a boyfriend. I was hoping that by now I will have one. I really, really want to wake up next to the same person, to kiss his eyebrows, sometimes to make the omelet and to make love on the kitchen table. I am sure that it's time for that now! More than two years I was having fun. I want to get serious, to love and to be loved. I don't even more care about the criterias that I listed previously. I just need the attraction to that person, to have fun with him and that i would feel extremely happy with him. I want to love and to be loved! I want to sleep by holding hands. To make love until the sunrise, and to smile wildly once I receive his text. I want to roll in the sand with him and to touch each other's most secret parts while swimming in the sea. The guy has to be: tall, charismatic, to know what he wants, manly, sporty and persistent.