100 Eyes

Chapter 2

Beginning of October 2016

I told myself: you are strong, beautiful, you kick arses in all areas except relationships - so why to struggle even more if it does not work. Just be. Alone. Single. First time in your life for real. Not hoping prince charming to save you, be your own prince charming. Be your star and your moon. Stop building sand castles, build one from the rocks. Your own castle. Be the person that you will fall in love. Love yourself the most. You are the most important and most valuable over here. You are precious and amazing, you are the reason to wake up in the morning and to fall asleep at night. You have great goals and one day you will conquer the world in your own matters. Men are just not worthy of you. You are too good to be truth for them. And everyone would love to be with you, but you choose to be the best version of yourself - not for a guy, not for a relationship, not for marriage or kids. You are the one for you.

You are the greatest thing that ever happened to you and fuck everyone that say differently. You don't need approval from anybody else, as you know that you are worth more than all money in the world. You have the best qualities ever: patience, inner strength, stamina, amazing soul. You conquered all negativity and all fails in your life with the greatest power and while standing still. You are worthy of magic and incredible life with amazing people around. Never settle if you are not 100% sure. You will do that when you know that it's right. You will definitely know when it's right. You will feel it with your body, mind and soul. It's a journey to yourself and it's just a beginning. You are still young, good looking, charming, intelligent, funny, street-smart and you have the guts!

You have everything what it takes to be called a woman from capital W. You are the greatest Woman to walk on this planet, even though you are the only one that think about that. Never let anybody to bring you down, as they just do that to steal your strength and to check your ability to rise from the ashes. You fell so many times, but each time you just get stronger and kick arses again and again. Be yourself, never pretend, because you are amazing with all your great qualities and your flaws. The picture of you is amazing and keep painting it. And never forget - you should always be the most important person for yourself whenever what. You are the prime, you are the goal and the reason at the same time. You bring light and darkness at the same time. You keep becoming more powerful and remain true human at the same time. You, the way you are, you are worthy to create songs about, to paint pictures and be portrayed in the best selling books. Love yourself the most as you are the Right One for yourself.

Despite all these nice words for myself I cannot fall asleep, I think about all the things that happened to me. About all the guys that crossed my path and I don't know what the future will bring. I don't see any view, but somehow I know that everything is going to be alright and I am going to make it. Even in relationships. Each time I get more mature, each time I am less afraid to express myself, each time I am less scared and confused when the relationship ends. As far as I came, I still know that I am strong and that eventually everything is going to be fine. Maybe not today, maybe not this week, but I'll be fine. I will be happy because I deserve it. After all these awkward paths I am going to find my way, my road, my true love. It's over there, just waiting for me to be completely ready. To be ready to love, to show affection, to fight for it as I will know that it's right and it's worthy. All past encounters and people that I met are preparing me for something bigger and stronger. For something beautiful and amazing as I deserve it after all these struggles. I know that my future will be bright and filled with love and other wonderful feelings.

Mid-September 2016

The new era: me, myself and I

What I understood from all of these stories: at first I have to love myself, then it's a turn for somebody else. Without self love, without self appreciation, self respect there won't be love from the others. And I am really lucky as I got to learn these lessons by being only 27 years old, other people don't get it until they have grandchildren, and some - never. I am the luckiest person on the Earth, I got all these challenges at this early stage and now I am able to rise like a Phoenix from the ashes of dicks.