Ever After | Book 2 of the Selected Series

24.

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Adeline had just left her room, and even though she was exhausted, Madison couldn't sleep. Every evening, when she was in bed and technically had nothing to obsess or get worried about, her mind would fill with thoughts she had been trying to toss aside all day. Most of them were about Harry, it clouded her head and hurt her heart, and she couldn't escape them.

Tonight in particular was awful. She'd lost counts of the days that had passed since she even talked to him, so centered on her child's wellbeing and making sure everything was perfect, that she forgot why she was even mad at him. It made her panic, heart rate raising as she tried to recall her reasons, her pain, her anger. Everything felt like a blur and she feared she was going insane. Breathless, she ran out from under the covers and opened her french doors wide, letting herself being engulfed by the night's fresh air. She winced at the cold contact of her feet on the cement balcony, welcoming the chill but invigorating breeze that caressed her skin.

Instinctively, her hand went to cover her stomach, smiling as she felt the warm swollenness. She had made a promise to herself, to her baby. She was going to protect it at all cost, from everything, she couldn't bear losing another child. Her heart panged at the thought of the incident, forever feeling remorseful of her actions. Of course she was aware of her condition, but she still blamed herself for the loss. She triggered it by drinking, perhaps it had a tiny chance of surviving but she made it worse. A single tear rolled down her cheek, heart wrenching pain tearing her heart.

She was struggling so much, she was aching from inside and outside and everywhere, it was hard to breathe, to live an existence that went beyond staying alive for her baby. She felt like a hollow shell, incapable of feeling joy anymore. She didn't deserve happiness, not after she killed her own baby. And the one who remained could possibly suffer later from the consequences of her horrifying actions.

Oh God, why did she do it? She was selfish, she forgot she wasn't alone anymore in her body, she only cared about her pain and her anger when she drank, neglecting the fact that two other tiny beings relied on her to remain healthy. This was her own punishment, she didn't deserve her other half, Harry, if her baby couldn't have his.

The next morning was difficult. She had barely slept and felt like her body was made of heavy rocks, barely able to lift herself up from the bed. On days like these she desperately craved coffee, but obviously she was warned not to consume it. Adeline's warm voice echoed in the room, her friend helping her get ready for the day. It was all a routine, everyday looked and felt the same, miserable, but Adeline's help made it all a little more bearable. She was a blessing.

"Alright love, today you had an invite from the Queen." She said as she brushed Madison's hair. Mady looked at her through the mirror, raising a brow.

"An invite?"

"Yes," Adeline smiled. "She requested that you accompany her on a walk after breakfast, in the gardens." Oh, well. It had been a while since she'd left the castle, but she could see it was a warm and sunny day, it could be nice. Though talking with the Queen...

She loved Vivian, dearly, but her heart filled with apprehension for their future conversation. She was Harry's mother, Mady knew the Queen would obviously wonder about how their relationship was going, and about the baby and... Was she ready for this? She couldn't refuse the Queen, she had no choice, so she mentally prayed that it would go well.

"Good morning, Miss Pearl." She smiled at the guard before walking in the dinning room, seeing everyone already seated at their usually spots. She took her seat next to Grace, noticing her friend's dull look and felt guilt pinch her heart, knowing very well that her situation was making everyone feel so downcast. She genuinely wished things could be better, at least for her friends, but she felt powerless. Sighing, she pushed her chair toward the table and welcomed her breakfast hungrily. She had noticed Harry's absence from the table and tried to ignore the flicker of disappointment in her heart. Her eyes diverted to Queen Vivian, the monarch's eye already on hers, smiling warmly. She took it as a good sign for later, calming her heart to ease her worries.