Love, Laila (ON HOLD)

20| I Can't

I quirk an eyebrow and raise my upper body to look at her. She looks down into the tiles, her eyes scanning over them. She parts her lips open and says, "Thankfully, it's temporary."

My body shoots back down and I moan in pain, and suddenly remember an unfortunate event.

"Erm, Mona?" I groan, "Could you leave? I need some time alone."

She vigorously nods and springs outside of the room, leaving me with the pain in my knuckles of how hard they're clenched. My teeth are gnashed together and I feel like a vein will pop in my body at any moment.

Quinn.

My so-called mother.

My fingernails are moving back are forth in my tight hand, it usually helps me.

But this time, nothing could help me.

I can't.

And god help the one who will enter the room in my state now.

I glue my eyes shut and continue to take deep breathes, but nothing works. She almost ended my life. She almost ended my life.

A tear slips down my cheek and I quickly wipe it away. No. It wasn't the time to cry over someone like her. I won't switch my anger with sadness.

The door of my room creaks, and I see a face popping out, Zayn. I quickly place a genuine smile on my face and greet him, "Hi."

His smile wipes off his face when he sees me, "Whats wrong, Laila?" I wonder how he could sense me that fast.

"Nothing is," I try convincing, "Just staying in this bed has made me go mad..I guess," And that was half true.

He walked over to me and took a seat on the red leather chair beside me. I could sense something unsettling about him, oh god.

He probably is thinking about my depression. My thoughts are correct when he bites his lip, avoiding eye contact with me.

"I'm waiting," I sigh.

"Huh?"

"Go ahead and ask me already, Zayn," I shift in my bed and see him rub the palm of his hand. He always does that when he was thinking really hard about something.

"What are you talking about?" He asks, but I don't buy it. Papa would always say I had a super ability to detect liars, and this is where it comes in handy.

He raises his head up and locks eyes with me when I raise my bruised hand to poke his cheek, "You know exactly what I'm talking about. The night of that party. I remembered a while ago."

"Oh."

"Yeah, oh," I softly say, trying to get some sense into him, "Like I said, go ahead."

He attractively bites his lip, wait what? And look at me sympathetically, "I am so sorry, Lily...are you coping well? Do you need anything? I'm always here you know? Don't ever f-,"

"Zayn," I sigh, "I'm fine..I guess. No one could help me with my case though," I shrug.

"Laila, you're acting like this isn't a big deal. And don't you think I know when that you're lying when you say 'I'm fine' ?" He says.

"It really isn't when you get used to it after some years," and I'm certain I am correct. My emotions might be a bit more trigger-ish, but they are slowly starting to fade away, just like I need. I close my eyes shut and go with Dr. Kessler's advice. Close your eyes, inhale, count backwards to one, and exhale slowly.

There's a moment of silence in the room before I decide to break it, "Why did you believe me?"

He takes a moment to answer "I-uh, drunken thoughts are sober thoughts? just like Forest quotes."

I register what he had said, I'm never drinking again, "Forest? Who the hell is that?" I attempt to lighten the mood by laughing, but Zayn still is frowning.

"I call her that. Because of a tattoo she has. Her real name is-," he gets interrupted by Mona jumping in the room, "Visiting hours are over."

He gets up from his and gives me one last look before leaning in and kissing my forehead. The heat of his lips surges from my forehead to my whole body, giving me warmth I need. I see him closing the door behind him, and I take a deep breathe, still staring at the door.