My mug is empty and cold now; I can't put off life any longer. I stand and leave, the bell ringing as I exit. I walk the short distance to the train station, the freezing wind knocking any thoughts from my mind. I half skip, half fall down the stairs to the platform and hop onto the train just as it is about to leave.
I hate trains... Let me elaborate:
The sound of a train is enough to put anyone on edge. Grating and grinding constantly, it just ricochets through you. You also get that pressure in your ears constantly building, like a vice tightening around your head.
Then there's the smell. Is that urine? Is that vomit? Do I want to know?
Next, we come to the sight: Grimy chairs, not washed for years and a floor that's seen, well let's say better days. The green yellow handles are too high for me to reach and so I stand, praying to god that I don't fall over, I do not want to make contact with that floor.
The wind rushes past, whistling in through the windows but, there is no beautiful sight accompanying it, just blackness. I wish that the wind outside were inside too, that I could breathe clean open air and be swept away by it.
Thankfully I get home quite quickly.
***********
"Where have you been? I tried calling." Cam comes to the door, he seems annoyed.
"I'm allowed to stay out, you're not my parent." I sound exasperated and it comes out a little harsher than I meant it to, but I'm tired and it's been a very long day.
"No I'm not, but I do worry you know," He pauses, "How was your audition?"
"I want to go to bed Cam."
"So you won't even talk to me now?"
"I'm tired Cam," I don't want to talk about it.
"Al, what's got into you?"
"Nothing, I'm fine." I turn towards the staircase, my back against him.
He grabs my arm, thrusting me back around.
"The audition was shit ok," I snap.
"I'm sure it wasn't that bad. Shall we go get some ice cream?"
"No I don't want frickin ice cream, you don't get it, not everything is sunshine and roses. Your life is so bloody amazing, all you have to worry about is who to lure in next. You don't get it. My life is shit and I don't even know why you hang out with me, everything I touch and everything I love falls to shit."
"Allie, that's not fair, I've always been there for you. Always. I do get it, you don't think I have worries and pressures too? Do you think that I'm just some stupid fluffy gay guy who does nothing but wear stupid clothes and date stupid people. No Allie, you don't get it. And my exhibition went fine, thanks for asking."
I go to reply but the words get caught in my throat.
And so we stand for a second, looking into each other's eyes, both swirling with emotion. Then he leaves, slamming the front door behind him.
He never leaves me.
what have I done?
YOU ARE READING
Joining the Dots
General Fiction"Life doesn't come gently, it hits you all at once. A tsunami of events." "Anxiety makes being a musician hard. Anxiety makes life hard. My passion, my dreams seem so far away. I could touch it all once, but once is distant now." "I want to be happy...
