Joining the Dots

Chapter 14

When I wake up the next morning, I can almost forget. Filtered light spews into the room and birds sweetly sing from the partially open window. I wish the world were always this peaceful.

I stretch and walk down to the kitchen, my bare feet cold against the floorboards. The house is too quiet, too empty. Cam hasn't come back. I brush the thought from my mind - he will come back to me. He will come back to me?

I pour a coffee and pull my yellow jumper over my head, the morning is coated with frost and the heating hasn't kicked in yet. I look across to my harp, sitting smugly across the room. I can't. I heave it over my shoulder and put it in the downstairs cupboard, pushing it to the back and closing the door. I instantly feel better.

I told Gramps I would call round today. I want to put it off, but I know it will eat at me if I do. I just don't want to disappoint him, I want him to be proud and not ashamed of me.

After drinking my too hot coffee (and scolding my mouth) I shower. I have always loved a shower, it's so therapeutic. Like rain, or drumming. The rhythmic melody and sensation is so relaxing. I stay in there for probably too long before trying to tame my hair into a semi-neat plait. I brush a little concealer under my eyes, the sleeplessness not making a good look, and pull on the first hoodie and jeans I find. Comfort over style today.

I head round to gramps' by midday, unlocking my lemon-yellow bike from its usual place and setting off on a bright but bitterly cold day. I stop by the local supermarket on the way to pick up some daffodils and a pack of jam doughnuts to share.

When I arrive I let myself in, theres always a key under the third stone on his drive. I keep telling him to move it but I always used to love the idea of having a secret hiding space, so I don't push Gramps too much. I let myself in and notice that Gramps isn't in his chair, I call out and don't get a reply. Silence. I listen for his shuffle and clank, his trademark sound of hm walking with his walking stick.

I feel a breeze rustle through the house, the back door must be open, the garden then. I smile, I haven't seen him outside for a while. I peer through the back window and sure enough see him on the swinging chair, a little robin on the fence next to him.You can just about make out his snoring rising and falling. He could never stay awake on that bench.

I make some tea and bring it out to him, nuzzling in next to him.

"Gramps." I shake him slightly. After a second, he opens one eye, peering at me.

"I wasn't asleep."

"Okay then," I say grinning.

"Allie, I've been waiting for you, I'll go and pop the kettle on, shall I?"

I point to the steaming mugs precariously perched on the ground, "Already done."

"You do know how to look after an old man don't you." He gives me a hug, his musty scent engulfing me.

"You're not old."

"87 years young." He says chuckling to himself.

I look around the garden and notice how alive it's looking, spring suits it. "The pond is looking good."

"Yeah, it is isn't it." I can see the proudness in his eyes, "We have some new fish in there as well, little wee ones, you can name them if you like, like you did when you were a little-un."

I giggle, "Thanks."

"Are you going to tell me about your audition then?"

The smile drops from my face and I turn away, casting my eyes across the garden, "I'm sorry Gramps."

"My love, What on earth are you apologizing for? You could never disappoint me, you could become a cleaner or fast food worker and I would be the proudest Gramps in the world."

"It went so bad." A tear rolls down my face, he turns me to look at him, pulling a hankie from his pocket,

"Don't be upset chick. There will be so many more opportunities in your life so pick yourself up. Don't let this change your passion, just see it as a way to learn. We are all human, if we won all the time we would never be able to grow. So get back out there, find what you love and show people that one set back isn't going to hurt you. You will fly my dear, and trust me, life will push you to places you couldn't even dream of."

"I love you gramps."

"I love you too, just promise me that you won't stop playing."

"I wont. I think I need to move on, maybe start some new repertoire."

"That sounds super, maybe try playing music you enjoy next time. It doesn't have to be extremely complicated to make someone feel something. You have to play something from in there." He holds his hand up to my heart. "If you can't feel the music, how would you expect the audience to feel it?"

I give him a bear hug, "Thank you." I whisper. "Ohh and I brought you something."

"You didn't have to."

"Well, I wanted to," I bring out the daffodils and his face brightens, a smile cracking from the corners of his mouth. Its incredible how little gestures can brighten a day so much.

"Thank you, I think I'll put them in the living room."

"I bought doughnuts as well."

"Whoop, whoop," He is clearly excited at the prospect.

We sit in silence for a while, watching the breeze patter through the garden and the little bird peck at the seed placed out, eating gooey jam doughnuts and drinking sweet warm tea.

After a while I hear soft snoring radiating next to me.