Joining the Dots

Chapter 25

An hour later.

We are at A&E. It is clinical here - Cold and white and sterile. I walk in with Cam. Side by side but not touching. He has a gash on his head, blood trickles down his face every now and then. Our footsteps clack on the hard floor as we pass by people waiting. A child is crying in the corner, tears running down his face as he clutches to his mother. Next to him is an elderly man, wrinkles run across his face and body, his story lying within the crevices. We talk to the receptionist, she seems tired. We take a seat.

We wait.

We see the doctor.

Cam says he tripped. I feel guilty. He protected me. Even in this state. Even after what I had done.

He gets taken to another room. 5 stitches.

I wait in the waiting room. I wait while the doctors sew up my best friend.

I wipe a tear from my face.

*******

A while later I hear a voice,

"Allison?" I look up to see my mum walking over.

She has puffy eyes. I've never seen her cry, she always is the cold, stern business woman. Her eyes are open for once, they show her. They show her hurt and show her despair.

"Why are you here? I thought you would be at home. You've caught me off guard." She turns away from me, straightening her suit and wiping her eyes. She turns back, "Well?"

"It's Cam, he's okay, he just fell into the coffee table, he has to have stitches but the doctor said he's been lucky." I can't tell her what I have done. I don't want it to be true. Lying hurts but it is easier to face.

"Ohh honey." She sits next to me. I thought she would hug me, comfort me, but we are in public place and god forbid that she ever showed affection in public.

"It's fine. I'm fine." This is a lie. "Why are you here mum. Are you okay?"

"Of course, I'm fine, just had some things to sort out."

"Like what."

"Allison, don't pry." She snaps, pauses and then continues, "Look I've been to the morgue if you must know. Someone has to sort out all the legal documents and such."

"Ohh, sorry mum."

"hmm."

We sit for a while and then she turns to me, "Look, I don't like you being here. Maybe if you went home, relax a little. I need to stay, I have some other things to sort out. Then, when Cam is ready, I can drive him home. I'll keep an eye on him."

I don't know about this. Is Cam going to resent me, even more that he does already, if I leave? Is my mother going to resent me if I stay, for 'disobeying her' as she puts? Maybe I could clear my head on the walk home if I do leave. And anyway, whenever I am surrounded by people I love they get hurt. Maybe it would be better for me to go.

"Okay mum, I'll walk home."

"Ill call you a cab."

"Okay."

I leave, my shoes echoing down the corridors. I don't take the cab, instead I walk. I walk and I think. My own mother doesn't want me around, she doesn't want me.

I feel guilty for thinking that she left me alone earlier for something for something trivial, for her own gain. She had a reason. I should have known that, I should be more understanding. And then later, I pushed her to tell me why she was at the hospital. I am an awful daughter, an awful person.

And Cam, my friend, my closest and only friend. The person who has stuck by me through everything. I hurt him. I can't fix the distance forming between us, I can't save us. I'm so sorry Cam. You would be so much better without me. Everyone would.