I need to walk. I need the air. I need the wind and I need to breathe. I need to let the coldness seep away my worries and for the noise of life to drown out my thoughts. And so, I tug on my orange raincoat. It's so bright, it's almost hard to look at. But it's happy. It's a coat that makes the world a little brighter and anyone who wears it seem a little happier too.
I step outside into the chilled morning air. It's overcast today but I don't mind. I don't even mind when it starts to rain. Big fat drops that blur the world around it. That hit my face and let me escape. They give me something to experience, to enjoy. They make me feel free.
The rain is peaceful, constant.
I lift my chin up and smile at the sky. There's a rumble in the distance. I love a thunderstorm, because sometimes even the world seems to have lost control. Because the sky is conflicted too.
The rain is peaceful, constant. The thunder is angry, resentful.
I walk for a while and make it to a newsagent's. I peer inside. Today is an ice cream day. I walk down the narrow isles heading for the freezer section. I know what I am looking for. Not just any ice cream will do. I nearly give up hope. I nearly don't see the last tub. I nearly have a mental breakdown right there in the back corner surrounded by ice cream in a dingy newsagent's.
But there it is. The one constant in my life... Ben and Jerry's Cookie dough Ice Cream. Life in a tub.
I walk back with my prize and get to the house drowned. My hair, a knotted mess which I could literally squeeze a river of water out of. My trousers heavy and my shoes soaked through. I squelch my way to the living room and flop. I hunt for the remote, groaning aloud when I remember that the last time I watched TV I managed to kick it under the sofa. Why???
I lie on my front and dig around into the depths of long forgotten sofa junk. There's some loose change, an old wrapper, something I don't particularly want to touch (it feels a little rubbery) and the remote, Yes! Finally I can binge now. Binge countless episodes of pointless chick-flick drama and binge eat ice-cream. I try to convince myself that eating a whole tub of ice cream in one sitting is ok. Yes, I may be eating my feelings now but at least if I eat all the junk now, I won't be tempted to eat it later. Sound logic.
YOU ARE READING
Joining the Dots
General Fiction"Life doesn't come gently, it hits you all at once. A tsunami of events." "Anxiety makes being a musician hard. Anxiety makes life hard. My passion, my dreams seem so far away. I could touch it all once, but once is distant now." "I want to be happy...
