My Story

chapter 4

Hey guys sorry for not contiue wrting it happend so much here on rehab i got busted up for smokeing 

i dont know if i going to get better at all and now you proberly think omg you aint trying. 

but i learn to get better  i are talking alot more to pepole and that is big for beeing me so yea i am verry happy, but i stll cut and i dont hate it and also dont love it but it is a part of me so what to do. 

I hate pepole that say stop cuting but you guys dont even know ho hard it is when you have done it alonf time look on my arms they are a proof of that, you guys only see the scars that i have done that i cant hide they are me i have to live with them not you so stop jelling on me and all the other pepole that to the same thing. 

Yester day i really tought that i was going to die i was so depreesed i only cried i dont know i just feelt so bad so i worte a status on facebook and there it stod: I gonna go and die and as all know pepole answering it so i gonna write what they answerd and i am translating the swedish parts for you. 

 I gonna die 

like: comment:

Emma Brauer : NOO!

Linny Jonsson: NO

Alexander VIkstedt:: nooo

Me: Yea 

Alexander vikstedt : No why :/

Ella andersson: Noooo

Me: no of your busines 

Sky summers: No angel, u hurt urself. i will hurt myself u mean alot to me, ur my best friend, plzs dont hurt you self, for me and for everyone els how cears for you. 

Me: sky dont even think about it 

Me : Sky you jump i jump you cut i cut deeper you cry i cry

Linny : stop i panic

Sky : angel ill do the same thing u jump i jump, u cut, i cut way deeper then deep, u cry even a half tear, i will cry the sane

Me: Love ya

Me: You jump i jump to the death

Thats what it looked like and then i understod that i dont really cared about my friends toughts and feelings for me what a duch i am i have friends that really care about me and i dont show that i care.

WTF i love u guys you are keeping me alive you are the reason i am still alive 

yesterday my arms got the colur red and my lips got the coulor blue i got to deep i got tierd of fighting for a better life it hurted to to it i falled asleep i was dreaming if the life beiond all this to walk the streets alone to see everyone walk away from you when i come close.

And for a long time I remember saying prayers for something perfect

Saying prayers for someone kind

but i walk forever alone cuz it dosent mather how many friends i have no one understands how it is to be me, everyting i know falls apart forever. 

i dont even remember how it was when i was littel and were that litel kid that had a future of life how it was how it feelt how it was like. 

i cant be that kid again but i can promise this that i going to get better and someday i will be were is my guardian angel you are there some were cuz otherwise i would already be dead ok some were i am dead i dont got that iron will any more i aint happy i arent me. 

I goning to write some more chapters so it ending here and when this is done i gonna write something eles 

but i can say right here that what i want to say with tis story of my life is not to go and take drugs and something like that it is to fight for what you belive in and everything can work out if i got a problem just stay strong.

HURT 

I hurt myself today 

To see if I still feel 

I focus on the pain 

The only thing that´s real 

The needle tears a hole

The old familiar string 

Try to kill it away 

But i remember everything 

What have i become?

My sweetest friend

Everyone i know 

Goes away inte the end

You could have it all

You could have it all 

My empire of dirt 

I will let you down 

I will make you hurt 

I wear this crown f shit 

Upon my liars chair 

Full of broken thoughts 

I cannot repair 

Beneath the stain of time 

The feeling disappears

You are someone eles

I am still right here 

What have i become?

My sweetest friend

Everyone i know 

Goes away inte the end

You could have it all

You could have it all 

My empire of dirt 

I will let you down 

I will make you hurt 

If i could start again 

A milion miles away 

I would keep myself 

I would find a way