Fix you

Chapter Two

Ass

Monica Elizabeth Soria's

"Can you adjust? I need the itinerary next week, I have a destination wedding to plan. So, you have to adjust."

Sumasakit ang ulo ko habang kausap ko iyong travel planner na ka-deal ko sa destination wedding na ito. Gusto noong couple na magpakasal sa Siargao – underwater ceremony ito at kinukulit na ako noong couple sa itinerary ng mga guests nila before the wedding. Hindi ko alam kung bakit pati iyong pag-aayos ng pupuntahan nila ay ako pa, ang alam ko kasi iyong wedding chuchu lang ang sagot ko but because I want to see them happy and contented – just like every client I had. I am doing everything para sa couple na ito kasi iniisip ko kung ako iyong bride, I want the best for my own wedding.

"Alright, thank you so much." I ended the call. Napatingin ako sa pinto ng office ko. I saw Lisa there, papasok na siya at dala na niya ang lunch ko.

"Ma'am, you still have an appointment at two pm with the Gallardo couple."

I rolled my eyes upon hearing the name. Iyong couple na iyon ang pinakamakulit na couple ko, pero I like them, I like their story, they were childhood friends, they remind me so much of Luis and I but it's just the memories that I have now and I have to settle with that. Hindi naman ako gagawa ng ikasisira ng relasyon nila, hindi ko ipipilit ang isang bagay na hindi pwede and I won't hold him accountable for something that he wasn't able to do anymore.

It's just fair. Ako ang may gusto nito, kailangan kong paninidagan ang naging desisyon ko.

Dumating na ang Gallardo couple, I started talking to them and I found myself dreaming again, hoping but I dismissed the thought. I took notes of everything they want in their wedding, I also considered their backgrounds, their love stories and from there, I will draw a sketch for their wedding.

I take my work seriously, I make sure that they have their wedding day to look back to when they're old and wrinkly. Nang matapos kami ay umalis na ako sa shop. I wanted to rest. Wala akong tulog kagabi, hindi ko alam kung bakit but there were nights na talagang gising lang ako.

Gising lang ako at iniiyakan ang mga bagay na kahit kailan ay hindi ko naman na makukuha. So, that afternoon, after getting back to my unit, I went straight to bed, naghubad lang ako ng heels and I climb under the sheets. I closed my eyes, I felt so sleepy. I slept the whole day, nagbabawi ng pagod.

I once read that sleeping is one of the signs of depression, hindi naman ako depressed pero minsan, nalulungkot lang ako sa kalalabasan ng buhay ko. I know that I will never get married, even if I meet another man that will make my heart flutter, I know that I will never be on that place again.

The thing is, kahit na ang daming paraan para magkaroon ng anak ang tulad ko, it will never be the same, imposible man pero nangangarap ako na magkakaanak ako, iyong ako mismo ang magdadala sa kanya sa sinapupunan ko, I wanted to know how it will feel, and that is one thing that's giving me sleepless nights.

I don't want to die alone...

I sighed.

It was after six o'clock nang magising ako. Hindi pa ako bumangon noon. I took my phone and checked my social media accounts. Matagal ko nang hindi ginagawa, but I checked Luis' Instagram.

I saw his latest photo, they were in Bermuda with the twins for their honeymoon. Sa picture, magkatabi si Luis at Cachi, si Luis may hawak na malaking isda habang nakababa sa likura niya iyong isang kambal, and then iyong isa, karga ni Cachi, halata na ang baby bump niya. Alam kong buntis na siya bago pa sila ikasal and I'm so glad, Mapagmahal si Luis, kahit na anong mangyari, alam kong mamahalin niya ang anak nila, iyong kambal nga na hindi naman niya anak, sobrang mahal niya, lalo na iyong galing pa sa kanya.