The Internship

Chapter 22 - when does it work?

My therapist said I might need some getting used to with the antidepressants and so far felt they weren't working. I was also recommended not to drink with my medication and that was driving me insane.
As I merged onto the bridge I had a terrifying thought.
'Just do it, the snow banks are rounded up, you can literally drive your car off into the river.'
There was a part of my that wanted that. I gripped my steering wheel and continued straight on the road. What was wrong with me.
I took a deep breath when I parked outside of Manos. She was in there.
I sighed and undid my seatbelt and stepped out of my car.
"Hello Charlotte." I gave a fake small smile as I sat down in my chair. He dark red hair was cut into a straight shoulder length cut. It contrasted against her bright blue eyes. She was naturally a blonde, she was naturally gorgeous and I have no idea why she keeps changing herself.
"Hi, Alex, sorry to pick the most romantic restaurant- I know this isn't the most ideal with our titles."
I chewed on my lip to halt from saying anything.
"I would have rather just done this at my house." I mumbled.
Charlotte was what you would refer to as a manipulative bitch. I usually wouldn't take any of it and yell but she picked her battle grounds. A quiet restaurant with piano music.
"Okay, how about this, full custody but you can see her on weekends."
Panic shredded through me just thinking of the idea.
"No,"
"What about full custody but you can pick her up from school and drop her off at my house." Charlotte smirked. I shook my head feeling incredibly anxious.
"Well the court is going to go with whatever I choose. Especially when you've been kissing your interns in elevators and well, are a fucking alcoholic."
"Why are you trying to take her away from me?" I asked quietly.
"Because you ruined my life!" She shrieked causing attention to surround our table. My cheeks burned red.
"I'll be getting full custody and there's not a lot you can do about it."
Tears pricked my eyes and I looked around the room so I didn't have to look at her.
I saw Amanda's big curious brown eyes stare into mine and a new panic formed in my gut.
What was she doing here?
Then I noticed her company.
He was a beast of a guy, built like a truck.
What was she doing with him? Why?
"Your quite shy and quiet tonight." Charlotte spoke cutting through my thoughts.
"You've actually been pretty quiet for a few weeks now, where did the cocky confident Alex go?"
"Where is she right now?" I asked,
"Who?"
"Our child."
"I hired a babysitter."
"When Can I see her?" I asked desperately.
"Are you kidding me? Your an alcoholic, you can't take care of yourself let alone a child. Your literally drinking right now!" I set down the wine feeling ashamed.
"I'm not an alcoholic, stop labeling people."
"Well you've constantly abused substances since your brother-"
"Fucking shut it." I quickly stood up.
"Full custody." She smirked as I left.
I felt so overwhelmed when I opened to restaurant doors. The cold nights air felt cool and comfortable against my hot, worked up skin. I continued around the corner as the warm tears fell down my cheeks. How can a women- someone I loved take the one thing I'm actually proud of away from me.
"Goddammit!" I yelled.
"Alex?" Her voice sent shivers down my spine. I turned to Amanda.
I felt embarrassed to be crying- she always sees my crying.
"What's wrong?" She frowned her big brown eyes stared up at me with concern.
"Nothing." I blurted out. I was glad it was dark out because my cheeks were a deep deep red.
I felt so overwhelmed I couldn't control anything.
"Cmon just tell me Alex." I shook my head and stepped back.
She stepped forward and I stepped back again.
"What is wrong with you?!" Amanda frowned in frustration.
I turned to try to escape but I was met with the loud sound of a horn and blinding headlights. Amanda screamed and I scrambled out of the way, feeling the wind from the speeding taxi.
"Oh my god! Alex!" She shrieked.
"You could've died! Alex Jesus Christ!" Amanda hugged me tightly.
I felt an unsafe unsettled feeling in my stomach.
I hesitated.
I hesitated before dodging the vehicle.
I fell ghostly pale and nauseous as I realized a part of me wanted to get hit by that car. A part of me is dissatisfied and disappointed.
Tears streamed down my cheeks, tears I couldn't hold back.
"Oh Alex, your crying. I understand that was terrifying for me and I was on the sidew-" she stopped talking when she realized I was glaring at her.
"I'm fine." I snapped through gritted teeth and pushed my way past. Finally getting to my car.
The second I got in I had a panic attack.
The second I got into my apartment I had a pathetic meltdown and threw up in my toilet. I then showered and took my pills and laid awake all night.
I had a great time.