One Foot In Front of the Other

Chapter 5 Okay

"Ed, let me look at your wounds so you can get some rest." It was Winry's voice, but it sounded muffled and far away. "No." My heart thrilled at the sound of Ed's voice. Was I alive after all? "Edward, don't be stupid. She's asleep right now so she won't even know you're gone, and you're no good to her when you're injured like that anyways." I could imagine the way he'd look down to avoid her eyes, though I couldn't see it. "It should've been me. I should've been the one caught in that blast, lying there burnt and bleeding with broken ribs, maybe even dying." His voice broke, but he had no tears left to cry. "I promised I wouldn't leave her. You can check my wounds later, once I know she's okay." Winry's voice trembled as she whispered, "Ed... What are you going to do if she's not okay?" He offered no reply, but I knew how deeply that comment had cut him. I wanted to tell him that I was going to be okay, but the darkness pulled me back into its chilling embrace before I could fully escape its domain. Twice more I started to wake, only to be pulled back again. The third time I was finally able to think clearly, and for a moment I wondered if I had died after all. Despair gripped me at the thought of never seeing Ed again. He would be so sad if I died. Besides Ed and Al, there wasn't really anyone who'd miss me, but I hated to let those two brothers down, especially after they'd done so much for me. We'd been through a lot together. Was this really the end of all of it? "No..." I murmured, fighting the tears I could feel beginning to choke me. They started to win despite my struggles, especially when I thought of Ed, keeping his promise, patiently waiting by my side for me to wake up. "I... I don't want to... I don't want to die...!" I whimpered pitifully. I heard a flurry of motion, followed by a loud crash, and my pain came rushing back as something heavy pressed against me. Surely if I were dead there wouldn't be so much pain, would there? My eyes flew open, and all at once I knew I was very much alive. After all, if I were dead he wouldn't be here, hugging me so tightly I could scarcely breathe. "Ed..." I murmured, suddenly at ease despite my pain. I was alive after all... and I was with Ed. With a smile I realized I could ask for nothing more than those two simple things. It was all I wanted. My eyes trailed lazily around the room before moving back to him, noticing the chair that was sideways on the floor; the source of the crash I'd heard. He must have gotten up too quickly and tripped over it. Winry was gone, and the two of us were the only ones in the room. "You won't die." Ed said suddenly, answering the words that I had murmured moments ago, yet nearly forgotten already. "You're going to be okay." He told me. But this time, instead of the unsteady tremble that had tempered his tone before, his words rang with certainty. He was crying silently, but the silver tears were stemmed from joy and relief. He pulled away after a moment, only to gaze into my eyes with more intensity than he ever had before. His expression wavered, and a shadow of the earlier pain raced across his features. "I almost lost you." He whispered. Then his eyes left mine to focus on the ground, as if he wanted to say something else, but didn't know how. "When... I mean, right before you passed out..." He began, then paused, trying to find the words to finish his question. I smiled sadly. "I meant it. I'm sorry; to have said something in such a moment was inexcusable. Had those been my last words, speaking them would have been my gravest mistake. Though my intentions were pure, the guilt with which I would've burdened you would have been underserved. Furthermore, though I did mean what I said, I both understand and accept if your feelings are not the same towards--" I was cut off as Ed gently placed his hand over my mouth, looking into my eyes once more, and I realized that, despite the pain of speaking, I had been rambling. "I love you too." My eyes widened as I heard the words I had most wanted, but least expected. He let his hand drop to his side, and I laughed softly as I noticed the crimson blush spreading across his cheeks, though I was sure my own face was just as red. Perfect love tempered with agony burned in his eyes as he pulled me close, burying his face in my hair. My heart stuttered at his closeness as I breathed in his scent; auto-mail grease, tears, and outdoors. It was a peculiar mixture of scents, and it took me a moment to identify each part of it, but it was Ed, and I loved it instantly. His voice pulled me from my thoughts after a few moments had passed. "Don't you ever scare me like that again." He commanded. My eyes widened at the fierceness hidden behind the calm words, and it struck me just how terrified he had really been. "I'll try not to." I promised. He looked dissatisfied with my answer, obviously wanting something more absolute, but for the moment he decided not to press the argument. I yawned as a wave of pain and dizziness swept over me, and I was reminded just how badly I was injured. Even this simple conversation had depleted my strength, and left me exhausted. Still, I didn't want to sleep, simply because I didn't want to let Ed go. I buried my face in his chest, breathing in his scent more deeply. "You should rest." He urged gently, "You're starting to get a fever. It's normal to get sick after such an invasive surgery, but once the pain spikes it'll be harder to fall asleep, and you need a lot of rest to get through this." I was about to protest, reluctant to waste even a single moment with him when my condition was so precarious, but he stopped me almost as if he could read my mind. "Look, take it from someone who's been through this; you don't want to be awake when the fever gets worse. I spent half my recovery time heaving my guts out and it definitely did not help me. I'm not saying rest will stop that from happening, but it will help replenish your strength so you'll heal faster." Again I tried to protest, but he cut me off as he continued, answering all the questions I had not yet spoken. "I won't leave you. I don't even have to put you down unless you want me to. I'll be right here when you wake up." I frowned, remembering something. "What about your wounds?" He smiled warmly. "There'll be plenty of time for me to get them checked while you're sleeping." I nodded tiredly, satisfied by this. Ed shifted so we were both in a more comfortable position, and I snuggled against him happily, closing my eyes. I noticed how warm he felt, and realized he must have been right about my fever rising because I was starting to feel really cold. Ed pushed the hair out of my face, and I felt his lips brush against my forehead in a gentle kiss. I had almost fallen asleep already, but there was still one thing I wondered... "Ed," I asked hesitantly, "How did you make it through this? How were you so strong?"

"Strong?" He said quietly, "You're much stronger than I was. I may not have screamed, but inside I was falling apart. Guilt was the only thing driving me; there wasn't an ounce of strength involved." He was silent for a moment, in a pensive sort of way, before whispering, "Didn't they tell you? I cried myself to sleep every night." I was surprised by his response, but my mind was already too far gone to reply. I yawned again as I started to drift away. "I love you." He reminded me, though he knew I was past the point where I could have formed an answer. Then, I let a darkness that was far more peaceful than the last overtake me. 

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Long chapter! Or at least longer than my last... hope everyone enjoys this. This has got to be the third time I've written this chapter, but I just couldn't get it to sound right. It's not perfect, but I think i'm finally happy with it. I don't hate it at least, if nothing else lol.