My Jesus Journal

Best Friends for Life

Let me start from where I left off a year ago...Finding True Love in Jesus.

A year ago I wrote to y'all about taking advantage of your season of singleness. A season of singleness is meant to be a time of undistracted devotion to God. It isn't meant for you to worry about who you're going to date or marry, or focus on every good-looking person that comes your way. When you are single, it is the best time to really build your relationship with God. While you're building your relationship with Him and growing in His word, you're building a foundation for your future relationship. You can't have a healthy, God-centered dating relationship without first having your own relationship with God.

In my season of singleness, God knew that I didn't need someone who was chasing after a dating relationship. God knew what I wanted in a friendship before I wanted a relationship. God knew that I needed more time to focus on my relationship with Him before I could build a healthy relationship with someone else. And thank God that He knew those things because they weren't always easy to remember.

I say it wasn't easy because a little over a year ago, I met someone (my now boyfriend, Jack) that I was instantly comfortable talking to (which isn't normal for my introverted self). There was something about talking to him that just felt different, and I developed feelings for him pretty quickly. Sometimes I got wrapped up in these feelings and lost sight of what I knew: that God had a plan for my love life that was greater than my own. Luckily, Jack was not someone who wanted to rush into a relationship with me, in fact, he was the complete opposite. God sent me a man who wanted nothing to do with a relationship at the time, a man who made it clear that he only wanted to be friends, a man who lived 14 hours away from me. It was what I needed.

Despite my feelings for him, I continued to pray for the person that I would one day be in a relationship with like there was no chance that it would be him.

I prayed that my future boyfriend/spouse would show me love like Jesus did. I did not want to settle for a relationship with someone that was going to love me any less.

I prayed that God would one day build a friendship before a relationship. Two of my youth leaders taught me the importance of this. They built a friendship with each other and got to know one another before jumping into a relationship because of attraction.

I prayed that my future someone would encourage me when I get knocked down.

I prayed that my future someone would spend daily time with God. Like I mentioned in my journal last year, a man focused on God is going to love you more than a man who focuses on you more than God.

While I prayed for these things and trusted that God would send me someone when I was ready, I was still developing feelings for Jack. We talked every single day, despite him living so far. I realized my feelings, and so I started to pray about them. I prayed that if he wasn't going to be a man that would help me grow, that God would be with my heart and help me to lose feelings. I prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed, and while I prayed I noticed that my feelings for him started to get stronger.

While we were both in a season of singleness, we were spending daily time with God and growing in our relationship with Him. But, God was gradually working in our hearts through this season.

His timing is great.

I am SO grateful that God made Jack the man he is because we really had the chance to grow into who God wanted us to be and we really got to know each other before we started dating.

When you live so far away from somebody and you want to spend time with them, the only real way to do that is to talk and communicate with each other. That's how my boyfriend and I spent the first year of our friendship (4 of those months we were in a relationship). We didn't just immediately jump into a relationship, we became best friends! Y'all that is so incredibly important when it comes to dating relationships! Don't try to jump into a relationship, get to know the other person that you have an interest in!

Ya, they may be cute, but what are they like? What are they like when they're angry? What are they passionate about? How do they treat others? Do they respect you and the things you care about? There are going to be differences (for example, Jack goes fishing to relax while I pick up a paintbrush or a book). We don't need to be EXACTLY like the person we date, it's okay to enjoy different things. However, there are some things that each couple HAS to be on the same page about (like both having a relationship with Jesus and boundaries).

You're going to keep learning things even after you get into a relationship, but it is so incredibly important to get to know someone, build a friendship, communicate, etc. before you try to move into a relationship. And, when you start a relationship, don't stop being best friends!

Jack and I FaceTime each other every day. The reason we do this is just to have the other one there since we don't really get to see each other. We'll do other things while we're on the phone, Jack will do his homework while I read. But, we also call every day to communicate with one another. We start off our calls with what we did that day and let the other one know about stuff that's going on in our lives. We listen to what the other is saying. But, on top of our daily conversations, we have weekly talks. These talks are so important and really help us grow as a couple! Every week we pick out a day to go over all the things that we loved about the other that week and the things that we didn't exactly love. We list the things that we need to work on individually, the things we need to work on together, and the things that we should keep doing to show how much we love each other.

But, we also continue to build our foundation. Jack and I do our daily devotions together every day. We have two ' 365-day devotion' books that we read together, we have a bible reading plan that we're going through, and we'll pick out devotionals from the bible app that we'll go through together. Some of this stuff we do quietly at the same time, while others we (and by we, I mean Jack) will read out loud. Getting into a relationship does not mean that you focus on the other; you still need to keep building that foundation with God! Doing these devotions and reading plans are some of the things that helped us grow closer before we started dating, and the time that we spend doing these things together is so so important.

In addition to Jesus time and communication, we take time almost weekly to have little dates. Obviously, we aren't able to go on dates together in public, so we will pick out a movie or show or sermon to watch together and make sure that we hit play at the same time.

Continue to do what you did at the beginning of the relationship. Don't stop trying or working for the relationship once it's yours.

But, more importantly, do NOT settle! Because I waited on God's timing, He sent me a man that was more amazing than I ever imagined. He sent me a man who shows me DAILY what the love of Jesus looks like. Even when we don't have good days, Jack still makes sure that I know he loves me. If/when we don't see eye to eye, Jack makes sure that we talk it out and that we don't go to bed upset with each other. God sent me a man that has become my best friend, someone that knows everything about me and still loves me. God sent me a man who encourages me daily to continue to grow into the woman that God wants me to be. When I'm overwhelmed by sadness or anger, Jack points me back to Jesus. God sent me a man that has a heart on fire for Him and that wants to do incredible things for His Kingdom.

We are not perfect people, we're not always happy, things don't always go perfectly, but that's all okay. Relationships weren't created for happiness, they were created for holiness. God can/will use you in each stage and He will guide you through each one. Don't look at a different stage and get discouraged. Look at the stage you're currently in and get excited about what God's going to do.