Bruised Apples, Lightning Storms

Perserverance

Rainbow had lain in bed for hours, unwilling to fall asleep: It meant time passing, and she did not want that. 'But what do I want now?' She rubbed her face with her hooves.

After three years, she had no clue how she had managed to last even that long in the shithole that was Cloudsdale Junior Speedsters. Constant bullying, lack of proper adult supervision...it was nearly impossible to deal with for every day of her life. Now she'd never have to put up with it again.

A pegasus who doesn't graduate won't amount to anything.

She could feel her negativity slowly ebbing away at her confidence.

You were a losing battle to begin with. No one ever thought you could make it and look at where you are now. What a pathetic failure, living up to all their expectations. Especially your parents'.

She frowned, shifting guiltily into her covers, hiding herself in the sheets as she thought about them. 'How much had they expected of me, really?'

Of course you'd like to blame everything on them. You're a terrible daughter, and your father would have been happier with a colt, anyway. It's your fault he loathes you.

Rainbow had lived with this type of self-interaction for as long as she could remember. A voice that sounded similar to herself, but cold, and brittle. When she tried to confront it, their arguments only grew more logical, pessimistic, smoother; easier to understand than the other thoughts in her mind.

"It's so much easier to just listen to it. Th-they were right all the time, and-and who am I to argue with the truth."

Though she hated many things about herself, her stutter easily made the top three.

Listening to me is the only thing that will fix everything.

Anything they said was correct, but it felt so horrible to constantly back down from her own mind.

It was just something she had to face alone, because who else would understand what it's like, constantly having someone judging you, when there are no other outward influences?

Who cares about your pitifully-weak insecurities? There are so many others who are bettering themselves, while you sit on the sidelines of life, squandering life's gifts.

Rainbow wasn't sure what the voice qualified as, but she didn't like talking to other ponies about it, because no one else seemed to know her pain. Real pain. The sort of pain that makes you shrivel on the inside...

...knowing how much you disappoint everyone around you, or seeing how much happier someone else would be if you'd just never been born in the first place. You wish your dad convinced your mom to do the abortion they both truly wante-

Her mind suddenly cut off all thought, unwilling to process the voice any longer. She had gone into a sort of self-preservation mode.

You're getting weaker.

She jumped out of bed to distract her brain, her body falling into nervous habits as she paced the room, quietly praying for the voice to go away. Her ears lay instinctively flat against her head to block out sounds that might endanger her remaining calm. Her eyes darted across the room, attempting to find a distraction; anything. Nothing.

Disappointment. Dishonor. Disgrace. Can't even fly. Blank flank.

Her walls, soft, comforting barriers, seemed to be constricting, and she gasped for air that, either didn't seem to be there, or her lungs wouldn't allow in. The voice was rising to a scream.

Ill-behaved. No friends. No purpose.

She dropped heavily to the floor, a bang her brain couldn't process echoed through the house as she fell on the hard floor, her body gaining several bruises. Curling up into a ball, she wrapped her wings around herself, as if shielding away from a tangible force.

She began to cry, hot tears puddling onto her chest. All was silent, a small stream flowing from each duct on her face, a war exploding through her body.

Gazing hopelessly out, all that could be seen were her wings. They were cyan, the exact shade as the rest of her coat, interlacing beautifully right before her eyes.

A useless pegasus, huh? She'd show them a useless pegasus, alright...