Snapchat (Yoonmin)

Chapter 137

"so, uh, how long - uh - how long have you been back?"

When Yoongi first imagined meeting Jimin for the first time, he pictured a lot more smiling and laughing. Maybe even a hug or two slipped in between everything else. He wouldn't have - couldn't have - expected the strained unconditional conversation he is in now. The cordial distance between their physical bodies feels like a bottomless chasm. Every exchange of word takes too great an effort. Nothing feels natural. Nothing resembles the happy fantasy he created in his head.

And who could be blamed other than himself for leading them here?

In the quiet sideline of the dog park where they began this meeting. Min Holly is the only one unaffected by the tension. He's snug at home on Jimin's lap with closed eyes and steady breathing, looking like that's where he belongs all along.

"It's coming close to two weeks," Yoongi answers and notes Jimin's shaky gulp almost immediately right after. "I came back when Holly was well enough to travel."

"Oh, yeah, poor guy, that must have been rough." Jimin combs his fingers through Holly's fur, lingering over the missing patches where fading wounds reside instead. "So, uh, are you - are you working now at that place? The job thing?"

Yoongi nods with his eyes fixed to the ground. It does nothing to blind him from Jimin's sharp inhale. Jimin's breath is a knife to his ears. He matches it with his own harsh breath and goes on, "It's nice there. The people are nice. Thanks for... bringing it up to me."

Jimin shakes his head and fiddles with something he finds amidst Holly's fur. A blotch of dirt maybe. A knot of matted hair or something or another. "No, yeah, I didn't do anything. That was all you, hyung."

"Well, you told me about the place so you're welcome to take some credits." Yoongi meant to end on a high note. Punctuate his sentence with a laugh or even a smug smile. Instead, his face stiffens the same way Jimin's body goes rigid. The laughter doesn't come.

Silence weeps in. Jimin doesn't say anything. Min Holly stirs and huffs, telling Jimin to stop picking at his fur and focus on Yoongi's taut breaths instead. The longer they don't talk, the more Yoongi's lungs go haywire on oxygen intake. His heart thrashes against it's ribcage, as if punishing him from inside. His arteries twist into shit and threaten to strangle him.

It wasn't supposed to be like this. He never wanted them to be like this. They were supposed to be happy. Whatever the fuck happened to that?

"Jimin," Yoongi starts. The name is heavy on his tongue. His next words are laced with regrets. "I'm so sorry. I honestly never wanted to hurt you the way I did."

"Hyung - don't." Jimin jerks his head. His fingers stop scratching Holly's fur. "It's not - dude, you don't need to say that."

"No, I do. I was being a coward," Yoongi goes on regardless. He watches his feet as if they were a prompter. "I thought it'd be easy to run, but it wasn't. I hated myself. I still hate myself for what I chose to do. I don't expect you to forgive me. Hell, fuck, I'm not even sure what I'm doing here. I guess... I thought I should apologise in person. I owe you that much. I owe you a closure."

"Hyung," Jimin cuts in. His voice, harsher than Yoongi wants it to be. "Stop. I don't want your fucking closure."

"I'm sorry," slips out between Yoongi's lips.

Jimin draws in a rough sigh then turns to face Yoongi for the first time since they sat down. "Look, can we just - I don't wanna do this, okay? I don't. This whole saying sorry back and forth shit just fucking sucks. I don't want your sorries or 'I didn't mean to', hyung."

Yoongi can't pinpoint the moment he stops breathing. He figures it would probably be easier to look everywhere else but Jimin's face. Anywhere else to avoid the intensity of Jimin's gaze. But he locks onto Jimin's eyes instead. They're more brown, he notices, and gleaming with more unfathomable sadness than the selfies led him to believe. He asks, "What would you like me to do instead?"

"Can we just admit we both fucked up and screwed each other over and made a huge fucking mess and just get over it?" Jimin shrugs and makes it all seem so simple. "That's all I wanna do, hyung. I wanna move on. I don't want to keep saying we're sorry over and over and just get stuck there. And - I mean, I don't wanna go back to how we were before either. I wanna go somewhere better. We were stupid and - just so fucking stupid with each other and could have did shit way better but we just need to fucking accept that, you know? We fucked up. Made each other's life hell. But we both wanna do better so then we move on. That's it. Can we do that?"

Yoongi rakes his teeth over his lower lip. He nods, well-aware of the uncertainty on his face. It all seems too easy. He thought it would be far more convoluted and complicated.  "That's it?"

Jimin furrows his brows and nods, as if he can't understand why Yoongi is still unsure. "Yeah, hyung, that is it. What else do you want?"

"I thought... it'd take more. It would be a lot of healing and self-reflection."

"Well, yeah, I guess, that too, I mean, it still fucking stings and it's not gonna stop all of a sudden, but hyung, seriously, I'm ready," Jimin says. "It doesn't have to be hard and stuff. Not everything has to be so dramatic, you know. Like we don't need a 12-step plan to fix this. I wanna start again. Not over. Again. I don't wanna reboot everything we went through, you know what I mean? Even the bad were good - and, and I know - I know this - this stupid fuckery bullshit is not where we should end. We shouldn't be over."

Always the over-thinker, Yoongi presses his lips and asks, "How do we know it'll be better this time around? You have to wonder... if it didn't work the first time, could it work the second time around? How do we know we won't end up in the same place we are now?"

Jimin blows a breath out and says, "Because you're here. You're here 'cause you feel what I feel, right? No, yeah, we don't know - we aren't gonna know if it's gonna be better this time around but I'm willing to bet it's gonna be worth it. So? You wanna pick up where we left off? I don't know about you, but I'm fucking excited to see where we can go."

Yoongi floored at the way Jimin's words untangle everything. How his voice and the simplicity of all of it make the noises in his head quiet down. Stop thinking it will end in failure. A happy ending needs to be fought for. Fight. "Yes, yes, I'd like that. I'd like that a lot. And I promise you that I'll do better. I'll communicate more. I want this restart, Jimin. There is a lot I still want to work on with myself and I'll keep doing it, but... I can't wait to see where we'll go either."

"Eh, I'm not worried, hyung, you're totally gonna kill it," Jimin says. He exhales again and throws his head back. "Thank fuck that's over. It fucking blows fighting with you. It's, like, way too exhausting, hyung, and you don't even fight fair. You always just throw a hissy fit then just go offline. You totally need to learn a new trick."

Yoongi crinkles his nose and scoffs. "Would you rather we beat the shit out of each other and resolve our issues that way?"

"Yo dude, anytime you wanna throw down, come at me bro, meet me in the fucking pit. I rather do that than activate your silence treatment trap card."

"Oh my god," Yoongi cringes. "Is this how you talk in person? Can you not put together so many memes in one sentence? I feel like half my brain cells died hearing that."

"What's wrong with the way I talk?" Jimin frowns. "A lot of people think I'm totally awesome and cool, okay?"

"Who?" Yoongi raises his brow. It astonishes him if he stops to think about it. How quickly they fall into rhythm. As if they've never been parted for a second in their whole life. "Your gran gran?"

"Yeah, dude, Gran Gran thinks I'm a rockstar, okay? You're sounding hella jelly right now, you know."

"I sincerely feel so sorry for the Park's. I really do," Yoongi teases and goes into his first smile of the day.

"Oh, 'cause they'll never be as awesome as I am? I know, right? It's so sad," Jimin smirks. His face softens, however, a moment later. His eyes meet Yoongi's. Slowly, like the first break of light, a smile forms on his face. As clichéd as it sounds, it breaches Yoongi's clouded heart and settles in to illuminate even the darkest corner. It's warmth tantalise Yoongi's every nerve. "Oh hey, hyung, before I forget and get side-tracked, I wanted to say... Welcome home, Yoongi."

Home. Right.

This is what Jimin feels like to him.

Home.

Okay, you can send me all the nice comments now 😊 I've had abuse for so long 😂