Loving a Believer

Chapter 1: No Longer Now

F A R A

"Drink that!"  my mind shouted at me as I stared at the bottled bleach in the bathroom, until I just found myself holding it. I placed it on the table of my bedroom and then opened its seal.

I was about to drink it when someone opened the door and called me, "Fara?"

When I turned around, I saw Kuya Tyler. His eyes widened when his gaze turned on what I was holding. He hurriedly walked towards me and snatched the bleach from me, throwing it onto the wall.

"What the f*ck are you doing?!" he said as he turned towards me, his eyes almost blazing in anger.

I just looked at him blankly.

Later, his face softened. He gently pulled me to the bed and made me sit at the edge.

"Get ready. We're gonna see your psychiatrist," he calmly said.

"I'm not coming with you," I told him. Gumapang ako sa kama para humiga at maghalukipkip.

"Fara, you need to help yourself," he said with pleading.

"This sickness has no cure for me."

"D*mn it, Fara! It has no cure because you're not helping yourself! I can no longer endure seeing you suffering because of depression. Last time you didn't eat for a whole week! You almost died! And now you want to drink that f*cking bleach?!"

"Just leave me alone," I said and looked away.

He fell silent.

Hindi ko alam kung ilang minuto ang tinagal ng katahimikan sa k'warto ko habang pinagmamasdan ako ni Kuya Tyler na may awa sa mga mata niya.

"Whether you like it or not, you'll be seeing your psychiatrist."

***

"Your doctor told me that you have to take these new medicines on your prescription..." Kuya Tyler was talking to me while we were exiting the hospital, but my mind was too preoccupied to mind him. "Fara, do you understand what I'm saying? You have to take these medicines nonstop. You can't stop it or else you'll get worse. So, please, take them even when I'm not around..."

I appreciated his efforts for me. He went here in Europe just to take care of me and push me to visit my psychiatrist once a month.

But...

"Those medicines can't heal this," I coldly said.

There's no medicine can heal this broken life, I thought.

"But they will still help you recover from that."

I just shook my head in annoyance. They couldn't understand me. No one could.

When we got home, as usual, I just lay down on my bed and spaced out. But all of a sudden, my mind wandered to Storm and I felt something clenched in my chest. This was what I always feel every time I thought of him.

I got my phone placed on the bedside table and opened my Instagram. I searched for Storm, checking out if he had a new uploaded photo. But there wasn't. I noticed that he became inactive on social media. Dati kasi halos araw-araw nagpo-post siya ng verses sa story niya. Sometimes, he posted their church events and his bonding with his brethren in faith. Ngunit dumaan ang ilang buwan na hindi na siya napo-post ng kung ano roon.

I clicked one of his pictures where he wore a red hoodie jacket. He was smiling at the camera while holding his electric guitar. I missed him so much... But I didn't want us to be back together again. We wouldn't work. I knew it and it was painful. It had been so long, but the pain was still there.