Creepy Cute Crush

I Bully For Fun, Cuz I Don't Feel/Fear Nothing

    Awake. I was still wide awake when my alarm clock rang to wake me up for school. I was still wondering how could Gerard do that to himself ?
My phone rang it was Bert
"Dude, you awake ?" Bert asks.
"Nah, talking to you in my dream" I respond to his stupid question.
"So I though we could do a little trick in the girls restroom."
"Dude, please tell me you didn't dream about that again."
"My dreams are always right, we gonna do that."
"Last time you dreamed about a trick you got us a week detention"
"But was fun time !"
"See you, and no I'm not doing your trick."
"Fine, I'm sure Jimmy will help me better..." I hang up on him.
I'm not doing anything to anyone ever again
I'm not hurting anyone ever again
This isn't who I am
I walk myself to school
Meeting the guys at the gates
"Frankie..." Said Jimmy.
"The fuck is up with you calling like that ?"
"Nothing..."
"I swear if you're doing a trick on me because I didn't accept doing Bert's trick I kill you."
"Eh go on baby, kill me."
"James."
"What ?, I'm just teasing you."
"Not in the mood. I didn't had any sleep last night..."
"Zit a girl ?"
"It's your mother."
"Damn, I wanna fuck my mum too..."
"We all want to." They all said, Jamia punched gently Lindsey with her elbow. Apparently Jimmy's mother is hot. I never met her. Jimmy said she left when he was 12 in a winter night and never came back again.
We walked to the classroom.
My eyes wandered in Gerard's features, he was... scarred, terrified, like I've always saw him. We've traumatized the poor kid. And I've felt all the guilt for it.
"Alright, class, today's lesson is..." I slept the whole session.
Bert awakened me for lunch.
"C'mon man, let's get to the girls room before anyone gets in."
"I told you I'm not doing that."
"Why."
"It hurts people."
"So ?, that's why we're doing that. They aren't like us, Frankie..."
I sigh and got out of his way, walking to lunch. They were all sick. I wasn't like them, nor I was like Bert. I wasn't like anyone. Fuck... I've found some time to put my head and sleep on the lunch table for about 10 minutes before Jamia awakened me this time.
"What's up with you today ?" She asked
"Nothing, just tired."
We went back to class. It was so fucking boring that of course I slept...
This is such a bad day
Ugh bad days
Imagine all these people's days are bad because of us.
"Uh... I-Iero, d-do you-" he was cut off by Bert pushing him at the lockers.
"I told you Frank's not interested in you."
"Y-you're i-interested in h-him."
"What ?!" Gerard now looked at him straight in the eyes.
"I said, then you're interested in him, I've seen how you look at him. you're in love with him and you try to deny it, because that would make you a faggot." Said Gerard with a smirk, Bert's features shocked. He then punched Gerard's stomach. I jump at Bert and it was his turn to be pushed at the lockers.
"The fuck..."
"Stop, Bert, just stop..."
"H-he's right..."
"What... ?" He pushed gently to the lockers, and kissed me. I quickly reject him.
"You're fucking sick in the head, Bert !"
"Faggot..." said Gerard with now a smirk. Bert clinches his fist and I look at him.
"Don't..." he punched the lockers instead and left. I look at Gerard, still having the same smirk at his face. I probably still had a disgusted face.

"The one calling people faggots was himself a faggot... what a twisted plot..."
"G-get lost..."
"Wanna come to my house this time, for the project ?"
"I told you I didn't understood shit about it, I don't know what to do..."
"I won't do it, until you're next to me. And you know this project counts as an exam..."
"Really ?! Fuck, yeah, alright, let's go..."
So we went to his house, it was big, gorgeous, a family's house. He knocked the door.
"Hello Gerard." A lady opened the door, which I assumed was his mother.
"Mother, this is Iero, we're partners for a school's project."
"Nice to meet you... oh my lord tattooed at this young age ?!, did your mother accept such behavior ?!"
"I don't have parents." She forced her eyebrows. I already hate this women. We went up to Gerard's room, I swear his room is bigger than my loft... He started working as I wandered in his room. Looking through all these comics, all these books, all these vinyls and CDs.
"You listen to those ?!, they are my favorite band !"
"Yeah... uh before I forget, thanks for not letting your boyfriend kick me again..."
"He's not my boyfriend !, I didn't knew he was gay... I mean I never though he had... feelings ?, I don't know, I always saw him as just a friend..."
"I get you..."
"You're not really... you know..."
"A faggot ?, you all assumed I was... what made you think that ?"
"I don't know... your hair ?"
"Bert's hair's longer than mine, why didn't you though of him like that ?"
"I don't know... Bert is... Bert, he has always been this way..."
"Yet you didn't even though he could be. He is in love with you and you didn't see any of those signs..." It was true, I've remarked a little change in Bert, he always treated me differently, weirdly... gently, sweetly, softly... but the idea of him in live with me never crossed my mind. Why me ?, he could have any other person but me...
"I like you too, but you never see, you just never see..."
"Wh-what ?!"
"I am in love with you..." he confessed. What's up with people in love with me today ?!
"I-I kicked you. Made your life hell. You can't love me..."
"I know I can't. But I don't care anymore. Kill me. I don't care." He just made me feel all the guilt in the world. I destroyed his life. I buried him alive.
"Sorry, I'm so sorry..."
"It's okay. I don't care."
"G-Gerard... please, forgive me."
"I said it was okay..."
"It's not okay !, I'm evil. I've rotten, and made your life hell. I made you harm yourself..."
"I deserve it, remember ?"

*flashback*

I push Gerd at a locker. Which slides his forehead. He wipes the blood out of it.
"You fucking deserve to bleed." I say, smashing his head in the locker again.
*end of flashback*

"N-no you don't. You don't deserve any of this. You don't..."

"It's okay, Frank..."
"I told you it's not o-fucking-kay !" I take him by his collar, uncontrollably. His eyes widened in fear. Fuck. I take my hands off of him.
"I-I became a monster..." I whispered.
"It's not too late to change, Frank." I bet he feels sorry for me. I feel sorry for me too. How did I let them change me. This isn't who I was. What am I now ?, a monster ? The devil ?
"I-I... sorry..." I shouldn't touch him. Not again. Never again. "I should go..." I said walking out of the room, and the house.
Went back to my loft. Bert called me. I responded hesitantly.
"I am sorry for... you know... are we still cool ?"
"I don't know... I feel nothing for you... I mean, you're my friend..."
"Yeah, I get it... can I come over ?, I got us some Xan !"
"Yeah, sure."
He arrived 20 mins later
"Hey man..."
"Hey..."
"So..."
"So... ?" awkward was the adjective to this situation. We swallowed the pills.
"Uhm... Frankie..."
"No, don't call me that..."
"I always call you like that..."
"Now it's different... now I see it..."
"What do you see ?"
"I see that I've never fallen in love with anyone. I never felt something towards someone. I never felt anything different about someone. As if my heart's dead. Or maybe I don't have a heart..." he giggled, patting my head like a kitten.
"Ahh, you're so cute when you're being philosophical..." the pills have probably started working for him.

I wake up in Bert's arms, both naked in my bed. Please tell me we didn't do anything. Oh dear Lord...
"Fucking get off of me..." I tell him as he wakes up.
"Frankie..."
"The fuck did we do ?"
"I think it's pretty obvious what we did here..."
Oh no. Oh no.
"Fuck you, Bert." I did not remember anything.
"I think you did fuck me, my butt hurts..." I get up and wear my clothes. Headed to school with him. Trying to forget everything I ever imagined, or supposed happened last night. I slept in class and he awakened me to lunch.
"Don't fucking touch me ever again." His eyes watered. Fuck. He probably felt hurt. I didn't feel anything.
Lunch time. They didn't eat. So didn't I. I was hungry. But I can't eat. We don't eat. Cool kids don't eat.
"This is all your fucking fault !" I heard Bert screaming at Gerard. No. Not again. I won't let that happen. I ran jumping at Bert.
"Fucking leave him alone, already. Can't you see how hurt he is ?! He's hurting himself ! Leave him the fuck alone, Bert."
"I fucking hate you Frank. I hate you for choosing him over me. I hate you." He last said, getting out of school, and the other running to the boys room to cry in. Not knowing what to do, I sigh and went back to my loft.
I called Gerard
"You alright ?"
"Who's this ?"
"Frank, you alright ?" I repeated
"Not so much... you told the whole school that I fucking cut myself..."
"I-I did... ?"
"Yeah, people aren't dumb..."
"I'm sorry..." he suddenly hung up.
I couldn't sleep tonight. Gerard's terrified face kept hunting me.

*flashback*

I wrote on the board
Gerard + nerd = Gerd
The whole class started laughing and throwing papers at him.
He ran out of the classroom to the boys room to cry for the third time this day.
*end of flashback*

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Now you know why I like to say Gerd... JK JK 

I'm not putting much effort in this trash so I left it exactly how I wrote it for the first time...

WHAT DO YOU THINK ?

Enjoy !

I'm so tired and stressed...

Blah blah blah, 

-$M@