Broken Love //joshler [✔️]

6. Solace

solace
[sol-is]
noun 
something that gives comfort, consolation, or relief in times of sorrow, misfortune, or trouble.

Tyler was trying hard to have fun with his friends, he really was, but it was hard when all he could think about was how mad Josh looked before he hit him. It was a few hours later, Tyler's cheek didn't hurt anymore but his heart sure did. He heard his friends laughing from outside the bathroom, where he was currently sitting on the sink.

Tyler stared at his reflection, considering all of the things he deemed wrong with himself, all of the things Josh could possibly dislike. Tyler felt more jealous of his friends now. Elsa had a girlfriend that cared about her, Brendon and Dallon had each other. He'd never even heard of a fight between Elsa and Ashley. Tyler sighed, his fingertips dusting against the cheek that had been slapped. There was no mark there, any evidence of Josh hitting him completely vanished.

"Tyler?" he heard Brendon call for him on the other side of the door.

"What?"

"Are you okay in there?"

"Yeah, I'm shitting," he fibbed.

"You don't have to lie to me."

Tyler tore his eyes away from the mirror. Since when did he become a liar? He didn't know, maybe it was the first time he snuck out of the house to see his friends. Whatever the reason, Tyler was not proud of himself. He wished he could say it was Josh's fault, that Josh made him a liar. However, he knew that wasn't true. It was his own doing, nobody else's.

"Sorry," he responded finally.

"Will you come out?"

"For what?"

"We're supposed to be having fun, and I have something to make you feel better."

That got Tyler's interest. He slid off the sink and unlocked the door, opening it to meet Brendon. "What is it?"

"Come with me, but be quiet so Dal and L don't hear."

Tyler followed his friend to his bedroom, curiously. Was Brendon going to try and make a move on him? Tyler didn't want that, he wasn't into Brendon. Sure, he was attractive, but he was nothing in comparison to Josh. Tyler was torn from his thoughts when Brendon pulled out a baggie from his dresser.

"What's that?" Tyler asked in confusion.

Brendon chuckled. "Weed. Want some?"

"I don't know. You smoke weed?"

"Surprise," Brendon said in mock excitement, taking a seat on his bed. Tyler joined him.

"I've never smoked anything before."

"You don't have to," Brendon assured, pulling a white stick out of the bag. It reminded Tyler of the candy cigarettes he used to eat when he was little, but the end was twisted.

"What's that?"

"A joint."

"Why don't you want L and Dal to know? Will they be mad?"

"I don't know. I'm scared to tell them. I figured you'd appreciate it, though."

"What does it do?"

Brendon smiled, a bright pink lighter emerging from his pocket. He held the flame to the twisted end of the joint, sucking in for what seemed like a long time.

"Makes you feel good," he said simply, blowing smoke out of his mouth afterward.

"How'd you do that?" Tyler asked, eyebrows knitted in confusion.

"Do what?"

"No smoke came out when you were talking but it did after."

"Practice. Want to try?"

Tyler hesitated, eyeing the rolled up paper that Brendon was holding out to him. Tyler took it between his fingers, mimicking the way Brendon had held it. He trusted Brendon, he was his best friend. Tyler stuck the joint between his lips, inhaling thick smoke that burned his throat. He wanted to hold it in like Brendon did, but he involuntarily coughed, smoke shooting out of his mouth.

Brendon took the joint back and simply took another drag while Tyler felt like he was going to die. He was coughing so much he could barely breathe, his hands closed around his throat from how much it burned.

"B-Bren!" he choked out. "m dying!"

Brendon laughed. "No you're not. You'll be okay. Do you have to throw up?"

"No," Tyler coughed a final time, his hands resting over his chest. "Jesus, that was horrible."

"You don't like it?"

"No, I don't even feel anything."

"Okay," Brendon grinned. He took another hit before extinguishing the joint and stuffing it back in the baggie. Tyler watched curiously. His mouth felt dry and his throat burned, but everything Brendon was doing was so interesting.

"You're cool," Tyler said, making his friend smile.

"You're cool, too. Let's go, L and Dal are probably wondering where we are."

"Am I high?"

"I don't know, are you?"

"What if they find out?"

"That's okay, they won't. You're just paranoid."

Tyler took the hand that was offered to him, pulling himself off the bed with Brendon's help. They exited together, and Tyler felt awkward. He felt like he was walking too fast, and that he didn't look normal, so he started walking at a painfully slow pace.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Brendon started laughing, and Tyler did too. Was he not supposed to walk like that?

"I don't know, we were walking too fast."

Brendon didn't stop laughing even when they were back in the living room and Elsa and Dallon looked utterly confused.

"What's so funny?" Dallon asked.

Tyler held himself back from laughing again. "I'm a funny guy."

He couldn't stop the gutteral noise that erupted out of him, sending his friends into a fit of laughter. He was laughing too, because Elsa snorted when she laughed he thought it sounded hilarious.

"Stop, L!"

"I can't help it!"

She snorted again, and Tyler doubled over with laughter. He wished Josh were here to experience this, he wondered what Josh would be like if he was high. Would he be nicer to Tyler?

The brunette sighed at the memory of Josh. Everything hurt more now than it did before. He could still feel where Josh laid his hand on him, he could still hear the yelling. He felt the guilt, the anger, and the pain all caving in on him at once. He stopped laughing and started crying.

"Tyler? What's wrong?"

Tyler couldn't stop crying. He shook his head, not able to form together the words to explain how he was feeling right now.

"It's okay," Elsa sighed, scooping Tyler into her lap even though he was larger than her. She was always the best when it came to comforting. Girls just seemed to react better than guys did. For example, Brendon and Dallon were simply looking at each other as if they were silently asking "what the fuck do we do?"

Tyler cried while Elsa rocked him, and he was sure he was crushing her but she didn't complain. She was hushing him, her hand combing through his hair in a comforting way. It felt good, but it only made Tyler think of Josh. Why couldn't Josh be this gentle with him?

"Hey Ty?" Dallon spoke up finally, getting Tyler's sobs to calm down to just hiccups.

"Want to get some donuts?" Brendon finished for him, a goofy grin on his face.

Tyler sniffled, wiping his nose on the back of his hand. He nodded hesitantly. He was pretty hungry, and donuts did sound really good.

"Shit, let's go get donuts then!"