Broken Love //joshler [✔️]

17. Bittersweet

bittersweet
[ˈbidər-swēt]
noun
pleasant but including or marked by elements of suffering or regret

(You all wanted another update so here it is (: Hope it lives up to your standards)

Tyler couldn't stand it anymore.

He spent three days with Elsa and Ashley, but it just got to the point where he missed Josh too much.

Being himself, he figured the best way to leave would be to sneak out before anyone woke up and leave a thank you note. That's what he did any other time. It seemed to work best.

So, after writing a short paragraph thanking his friends, Tyler promised he would be fine and that he would call if something happened again.

Would he, though? Next time it happened?

God, he's wasn't even thinking if there would be a next time. He knew there would be, yet he wanted to go back. He was so fucked up.

Tyler took the key out of the potted plant beside the front door and silently let himself in. The house wasn't quiet like he expected.

Instead, there was crying.

On instinct, Tyler rushed to Josh's side, collapsing on the couch next to him. He took the man into his arms, shushing him and rubbing his back without a second thought.

"Shhh, it's okay. I'm here now. I'm so sorry," he murmured, forcing the words to come out because he knew this wasn't right.

It was quiet, suddenly, aside from the low hum of the television. Josh picked his head up, slowly, slowly, until his puffy eyes met Tyler's.

"It's my fault, it really is. I'm so sorry, Tiger. Next time I'll... No, no, there won't even be a next time. Okay?" Josh's voice faltered, shattering the poor brunette's heart into pieces.

He didn't want any of this to be happening right now. All he wanted was to live a good, long, happy life with Josh. It was never meant to be like this.

"Okay," Tyler agreed, soothing his hands through the tangled curls. "And I'm sorry I said I hate you. I don't hate you at all."

"I don't know about that," Josh sighed. "You should hate me. I'm fucking terrible."

"Well I don't, and you're not terrible so don't say that."

"I am, though," the older argued, and Tyler didn't bother responding because he knew a fight was brewing.

He simply repositioned himself so he was laying down, Josh on his chest, both of them watching the Comedy Central show that was on. Tyler was having a hard time focusing, though. His thoughts were running rampant.

How could Josh lie so easily like that? Of course there would be a next time. Something was seriously wrong with him and couldn't just be fixed over night. They should go to therapy together, probably, or something like that. Right?

But Josh hated that kind of stuff. He hated telling other people what was bothering him and thought therapists were pointless. He thought all they cared about was money and the whole privacy rule was bullshit.

Tyler disagreed, he went to a therapist in high school and she was the nicest lady he'd ever met. Josh just had bad experiences with... Well, everyone.

So therapy was out of the question.

Tyler wasn't even sure what was wrong with his love, but whoever was running Josh's mind was not, in any way, the man he loved. It really sucked. It hurt.

He just wanted him back. Was that really too much to ask for?

"I love you," Josh said, suddenly, his voice vibrating against Tyler's chest.

"I love you too," he responded, lips curling into the slightest smile. "Hey Josh?"

"Yeah?"

"Remember in, like, tenth grade when we skipped the school bonfire and had sex on the train tracks?"

"Oh my god, yeah," Josh chuckled, picking his head up. His chin rested on the boy's chest, their eyes meeting. "That was awesome. Remember when we got detention for calling Mrs. Peterson out for having sex with one of the seniors?"

"Yeah, that was so stupid. She should've gotten fired!"

"Oh! Remember when we both failed our math final for cheating with each other?" Josh laughed, his pearly teeth warming Tyler's heart.

"And we had to come back the next week and take them in separate rooms."

Tyler's cheeks hurt from how wide he was smiling. Those were great memories. Josh was still Josh. Tyler was still happy. They were still in love...

Were they even in love anymore? Sure, Tyler loved him still, but was he in love with him? Surely the answer was yes, why else would he go running back each time?

"I miss that," he blurted out, really hoping it wouldn't piss Josh off.

"Me too. I never thought I'd say it but I miss high school."

"Yeah," the brunette frowned. "Everything was better back then."

"You mean I was better back then?" Josh asked softly, lips pursed in a sad smile. When Tyler didn't respond, he said, "It's okay, you can admit it."

"Yeah," he whispered, tears filling his eyes because he could tell from the look on Josh's face how much he was hurting. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, I'm sorry. How about we go do something, yeah?"

"Like what?"

"Like... We go to the bar tonight or we go do stupid shit like we did in high school. How's that sound?" Josh grinned, finally, that little puppy dog look vanishing.

"I don't know, Josh... Do you really think it's a good idea to get drunk?"

"Sure, why not? What's the worst that can happen? We end up having sex in the back of an uber?"

"I just don't know," Tyler said, gnawing on his lip. "Sorry."

"Come on, don't be so boring," Josh groaned. "Please? For me? I'll give you a good time tonight, I promise."

"Pinky promise?"

"Pinky promise," the older nodded, linking their fingers together. "So we're going out tonight?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"Sweet!" Josh replied, his big smile contagious.

Tyler smiled along, despite the feeling deep in his gut telling him this was a bad idea.