If I Stay |✅|

Chapter 16

I looked both ways down the hallway before hesitantly entering the boys bathroom in search for Jacob. I poked my head around the corner and spotted him cowering on the floor against the wall. A strong sense of deja vu hit me as I remembered the first time meeting him in the treehouse. I felt a pang in my chest as his shoulders shook with quiet whimpers following.

I furrow my eyebrows together and sucked on my bottom lip as I stepped forward. “Jacob?” My whisper echoed throughout the hollow bathroom and bounced off the ceramic tiled walls. I heard his breath hitch as I approached him cautiously. He didn’t move this time, though. He was as still as a statue and his whimpers stopped completely. “Jacob, i-it’s just me, Ryan. I’m not gonna hurt you.” I soothed out, kneeling next to him like I did the first time, placing a hand on his shoulder.  I felt his stiff form relax instantly, giving me the okay to move closer to him. Although his head was tucked into his arms as he sat in a fetal position, I could tell he had stopped crying.

After a few minutes of sitting there on the bathroom floor in silence, Jacob picked his head up and rested it on my shoulder, letting out a shaky sigh. He had calmed down and stopped crying completely now. I rested my head on top of his, grabbing his hand and intertwining his fingers with mine. “Can I tell you something?” I asked him. I think now would be the perfect time to tell him. I hadn’t thought about it very often, but considering how things have played out through my life, I’ve come to a conclusion in my life, and I wanted him to be the first one to know.

“Go ahead.”

Now, I didn’t know how to say this right, so forgive me if it comes out wrong. I sucked in all the air my lungs would allow before speaking with clammy hands and shaking fingers. “I think…” I freeze. How the hell am I supposed to tell him? What if he rejects me? What if he thinks I’m weird and leaves me? I don’t think I’d be able to handle losing my only friend.

He must have sensed the inner battle I was having with myself because he was squeezing my hand reassuringly now. “You can tell me you know. I won’t think any different of you.” He let out, lifting his head to look up at me. I looked into his eyes that were full of concern and sincerity. If he was being honest, then I guess confessing wouldn’t hurt.

I took another shaky breath and tore my eyes from his, glaring at the wall in front of us. “I-I think I’m trans.” I blurt out.

Out of the corner of my eye, I notice his widening in shock. Great. He thinks I’m weird. Now he’s gonna tell me how stupid that is and that I’m just going through a phase or whatever. He’s gonna get up any minute now and tell the whole school that-

I let out a gasp once I feel arms wrap tightly around my torso. I wasn’t expecting that at all. “I’m so proud of you.” he whispers against my shoulder. I push my eyebrows together in confusion after taking in his words/ He was proud of me? Letting go of me, he gives me the biggest smile I’ve ever seen on him.

“What?” I ask. Why was he smiling at me like that?\

“I have something to confess too.” He says with a crooked smile on his face. I tilt my head and raised my eyebrows in the form of me telling him to continue. “I’m, um,” He takes a breath and looks down at his hands in his lap, playing with his fingers. I noticed that this was a habit of his, something he did when he was nervous. Looking up at me, he finally spills. Honestly, it wasn’t at all what I was expecting him to say though. “I’m gay.” he shrugs.

I give him what was probably the biggest grin I’ve ever worn on my face. I pull him in for a death gripping hug and buried my face in the crook of his neck. We’ve grown impossibly close with each other in the span of three months and I couldn’t ask for a better friend.

a/n: sorry this chapter kinda sux. Bare with me pls

-Panda :3