Any Time At All

Chapter Ten

You have been sitting in the same seat that Steve left you in for hours, slipping in and out of consciousness. Your mother is still sleeping. It's eleven o'clock at night and you feel as if you haven't slept in days. The doctors say that she should be waking up soon and you don't want to be asleep when she wakes up, so you go to get a cup of coffee. You grab your purse, Nancy and her mom were nice enough to drop it off for you earlier, and leave your stiff chair. You stretch out your arms and go to open the door. Through the ajar door, you see a boy sitting on the floor with his head and back against the wall. You open the door completely and the boy's eyes are wide with surprise and slight fright for the sudden noise within soothing silence.

"Steve?" You stop at the door way, frozen. You clutch your purse with both hands so they are doing something rather than laying stupidly by your side. "I thought you left."

"I left the room but I never left the hospital," he says as he begins to stand up. "Where are you going?"

"Coffee and possibly food," you point to the elevator and then silently stay in the same place while looking anywhere except Steve. You don't know what's holding you back from just leaving his presence.

"Can I join you? I need to say some things, if you'll let me," all you've wanted were answers for months and he is planning on giving them to you. How could you object?

"Sure," the two of you walk to the elevator and down to the cafeteria. The ride in the elevator was dead silent as well as the walk down the pale lighted hallways. Not many people are in the cafeteria at this time. You go straight to the coffee machine and grab yourself a paper cup and everything you want to put in it. Before you go to the register to pay, you grab a cup of fruit. Steve grabs a cup of coffee as well and, like usual, insists that he pays for everything. Not wanting to waist the poor cashier's time, you stop opposing and let Steve pay. "So, you wanted to tell me something?"

"Um, yeah," he stops and gathers all of his thoughts in his head in order to spit them out of his mouth in a way that you'll understand. "This is going to be a long story."

"I've got time," you state casually.

"So, you know that I was just starting to hang out with Tommy and all of his friends. Well, when I'm around them, I feel like I have to act different. I know that that's no excuse but it just lets you know that it's why I became slightly distant. I was acting like a complete ass with them and getting drunk and you took care of me. You were still there for me, even though I wasn't there for you. Tommy was aggravated that you were holding me back from certain things that he wanted to do with me, like looking for chicks to, well, you know, sleep with. He told me that if I didn't break up with you, than he was going to hurt you and I just couldn't let that happen. Honestly, I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if I had done that to you. This option, it's more bearable because at least there isn't a chance that you'd be dead. I can still see you, touch you, and make sure you're all right because, (Y/N), you were the best thing that ever happened to me," he stops himself before he becomes incoherent as a result of his sobbing. You can tell that he feels horrible. A few tears escape your eyes as well but you quickly wipe them away, trying to make yourself seem strong.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"If I did, you would have tried to stop me. God, (Y/N), I know you so well that you would have gladly taken a beating just to be with me and that's why I couldn't wait another day to break it off with you," his tears have become sporadic and he slowly calms down.

"So you, you still love me?" Relief washes over you but there is still something that makes your stomach turn.

"Jesus, of course I do!" He says with a laugh trailing after it. He cradles your hands in his and something in his face is off. "I don't think I'll ever stop loving you. I mean, you were my best friend once upon a time. " He stops and takes his hands away. "I just wanted you to understand why I broke up with you. It had absolutely nothing to do with you as a person and I hope you can move on from me, now that you know."

"Wait? Move on? You said you still love me, I'm confused."

"I think that it's safer for the both of us if we stay apart," he gets up from his seat to leave but looks straight at you and says, "I hope you find someone great, (Y/N/N)."

A tear escapes his eye before he can turn away from you. You watch as he leaves you alone, once again. You grab everything on the table and throw it in the trash. It feels like he broke up with you a second time. You walk back up to your mother's hospital room, taking the stairs this time, hoping to get yourself back together. As you walk into the room, you see your mother staring at the ceiling. She moves her eyes down to you and small smile appears on her weak face. "Mom!" You run up to her and gently hug her. Pulling away, you can finally see how your mother's breathing is heavy and slow. Tears pour down her face.

"Have I ever told you how beautiful you are?" She places a shaking hand on your warm, pink cheek. You lean into her soft touch. Her hands are colder than you thought they'd be and it makes your hair stand on end. "I love you, so much."

Her voice is quiet and filled with pain. Her hand returns to her side and her head stays put as she stares at you. "I love you too, mom. I love you with all of my heart." You look over at the heart monitor and the beeping slows. You look back to your mom with worry in your eyes. With every beep, it becomes slower. "Mom! Mom, come on, stay with me. Please, mom," you sob and watch her smile slowly fade with the beeping. "Some one help, please! I need a doctor!" You yell and several nurses rush into the room. They push you away from her bedside and you watch from afar with your heart ready to fall out of your chest. The nurses work on your mom for several minutes before the beeping stops and your mother flat lines.

"Time of death, 11:52 pm," one of the nurses states sadly. Everything in your eyes and ears becomes slow and silent. You walk up to your mom's limp, lifeless body and throw your arms around her. You sob into her quiet chest. "Dear, is there anyone you can call to come and pick you up?" You look up to a nurse, about your height with blonde, short hair and a pointy nose. Her sympathetic green eyes bore into your own.

"Yes," you say. It's nearly a whisper. You turn your body towards the telephone on the nightstand. You call Nancy and apologize for waking her. Within thirty minutes, Nancy and her mother are entering the hospital. You run up to Nancy and hug her tightly.

After that night, you stayed home for a week from school. You couldn't bear to see Steve on top of everything that had happened. For the rest of the school year, you kept social interactions to a minimum. You spent most of your time alone, even holidays.

Finally, summer break. You successfully made it out of sophomore year alive, sort of. You feel dead inside but as you're exiting the high school, something washes over you when you glance over at the middle school. You increase your pace as you near the entrance to the school. You see the four bikes still in the bike rack and your rush inside. Quickly, you find the AV club room and shove the door open. The boys in the room yell in fear.

"Shit, (Y/N). You got us good," Lucas says as he holds his hand to his chest. He exhales slowly.

"What are you doing here? No offense but we haven't talked to you in a while," Mike says.

You shut the door behind you and move closer to the boys. "I need you to help me with something."

"Anything, what do you need?" Will speaks up before any of the other boys. He looks at you like you could break at any moment. Everyone in Hawkins knows that you've had a shitty school year.

"I need you to teach me how to play D&D again," you say and then smile at them.

The boys all smile at you and then each other. They run to you and hug you. "Yes, she's back!" They all say.

"Alright, everyone goes to my house, let's go!" Mike demands and heads to the door.

"Um, Mike, I drove here, so I'm going to stop by my house and get rid of my school stuff and then head over to your house. Sound cool? It's sort of like, who can get to your house first."

"Awesome, see you soon. C'mon guys.," Mike waves them to the door and they all follow him out of the school. You trail behind them and walk back to your car. It was once your mother's car but you claimed it once she died. The drive back to your house flew by with how distracted you were by your thoughts. You are going to make a brand new you, a better you. You step out of your car and into your house leaving the old you behind with the past.