We See What We Want

Chapter 7

I woke up to an empty bed. I don't even remember Ash leaving. I don't remember falling asleep. I look over to Lily's bed and she is soundly asleep. I chuck over one my pillows. Hitting her directly in the face. She groans.

"Did you have to throw a pillow at my face?" her eyes still shut as if she thinks I'm going to let her fall back asleep.

"Well are you going to tell me what happened with you and Niel last night." I smirked.

For some reason I always get a burst of excitement when she starts to see a new guy. Regardless if these flings don't last long. It's really nice to see her have at least that split second of happiness. It's not like she isn't content with her life, she most definitely is, but i've never had that. I've never had the nervousness that flutters in the pit of a person's stomach. Lily has described it to me many times. When she first told me about that feeling, I was so confused as to why she seemed so flattered to what I assumed to be such an unpleasant feeling. But when she explained it to me, I was jealous. I wanted to feel that with someone. Later on i've come to the realization that when I first met James, I thought I loved him, but I never got that feeling in the pit of my stomach when I was with him. Since we've broken up, he's left such a negative impact on ever wanting to be in relationship. I am utterly terrified when given the chance to allow myself to feel those flutters in the pit of my stomach. It will always be a question in the back of my mind 'Is he going to hurt me like James did?' So, my safest bet is to not feel anything at all. That's why I get excited for Lily, if I can't experience the feeling of being infatuated, I'm glad that I have the chance to witness someone close to me light up when I know never can.

My thoughts are cut of from Lily abruptly sitting up and squealing. I smile.

"Okay, We kissed... a lot." her cheeks are getting all rosy.

"How was he?" I flaunt a cheeky grin

"I mean he was really good. It not just about the kissing though. We talked for hours, he's so sweet. He told me all about his upbringing, funny moments. I can go on." the rosiness in her cheeks began to glow.

It's so lovely to see her gidding and blushing. It makes me so happy for her. Neil does seem like a good guy. Although, if this doesn't work out, I hope she doesn't get hurt by him.

"So, you and Ash were in here alone for quite some time huh." she begins to grin and jumps over onto my bed right beside me.

"C'mon tell me, He's undoubtedly sexy. You had a guy looking like that in your room, please tell me you guys at least necked a bit." her pupils grew, but I gave her a light shove.

"Nope, nothing. Neither of us wanted to. We just listened to some music and that was it."

"You're kidding me, you could've totally could have taken advantage of the situation. Pop out some cleavage and boom you're in." We both started laugh, she always makes jokes like that.

"But I don't understand how neither of you didn't even want to at least kiss. He was staring at you the entire night. I watched him look at you at the restaurant, especially when we were watching the movie, he was locked on you the entire night. I'm surprised that he didn't make any move. I was so positive he was." She sounded serious.

I awkwardly laugh hoping she was going to admit that it was all a joke. But no, her face is still, not one slight grin to indicate any type of humor.

"Anyways, we are going to Jasper's place tonight. Lets go grocery shopping and then we can start getting ready okay?" Lily says.

I've never been the partying type, so many sweaty bodies in one room rubbing against each other, with absolutely zero oxygen to properly breath. Just the thought of it already makes me anxious.

"I think I am just going to stay home, maybe get a bit of some reading done before classes starts in a week." I pick at the ends of my sweater. I already she is going to nag me to go.

"C'mon please don't make me go alone. I really want to see Neil again. Plus if we are going to be living here for the next 6 months, we need to have some more company other than just us two." She made a valid point, I can't always be hiding in a room to avoid socializing, I need to attempt to move past this anxiousness.

"Fine. I am only willing to try it once. If ends badly, I'm not going to another one of these socializer party things. Okay?"

"EEP! Okay perfect. Let's go grocery shopping then we can get ready when we get ready." she jumps around a bit, really emphasizing her excitement.