Meeting Innocence

18

A killer?
A killer of what?
That's a silly question I know but I can't help myself, am in between confused and shocked.
I can't tell which one weighs more.
A killer.

"What do you mean you're a killer?" I ask the most silly question in all history of asking questions yet there is not an ounce feeling of silliness in me.  I need to know.
To be honest, I am  seriously not sure if I  really want to know but i need to hear something, anything rather than the silence and what ifs.

"I mean just exactly that" he says in a rather firm tone fisting his hands into a tight fist, his knuckles turning white.
He looked disturbingly dangerous.
Yet I couldn't help but ask another question.

"So you kill people? As in you're a murderer? A cold blooded killer?"  I ask the most obvious questions  that does not even deserve to be answered but Jacob chooses to answer me anyway.

"Yes" he says and I almost immediately take a step back having no strength  to conceal the gasp that escapes my lips.
I stumble in my steps looking for something to lean on.
He is a murderer, a killer.

I rise my eyes to meet his and find his glittering in anxiousness, desperately wanting to hear my response.
My mind is so confused, am not sure I should  still provoke this psychopath cause he can kill me right now if he wanted
But I still go ahead and ask anyway because I really have to know.

"How many people have you killed" I ask fixing my gaze on him all the way to his response but he does not give it until i urge him to do so, rising my right eye brow in question.
Suddenly he gives the darkest and sinister laugh then shrugs his shoulders giving him a raw expression.
His eyes bolling into mine that i almost stumbled back wards but managed to maintain my balance for i did not want to give away the feeling that i was was actually shit scared.

"I can't remember how many people i have killed cause i have killed for twenty years now." He answers my question as if it was the most silly question in all history of questions.

"Oh my God!" I gasp after hearing what he just said that i had to ask again just to make sure that i heard right. " So you have been killing for twenty years?" He does not even bother to answer me, all he does is just stare at me with the 'that is what i said' look.  "How do you sleep at night?" I continue asking more to myself than him but he chooses to answer.

"I don't" he said in a harsh tone as if what he just said left a bitter taste in his mouth.
For a while now, all I do is just stare at him.
Having nothing to say, what can i even say?
What can you say after finding out that your boyfriend is a killer?.
Yeah. Nothing.
You can't say anything cause you would be too shocked to even do anything.

My body as if having a mind of it's own just turns itself, walking towards the door.
I feel so numb and shocked.
As i take three steps towards the door, Jacob grabs my wrist and turns me to face him. I struggle to come out of his grip but failing at it tears forming in my eyes.

"Let me go!"  I yell at him but he does not let me go.
"Please " i beg him,  after seeing my pleading face and tears dripping from my eyes, he let's go of my hand and takes a step back.
"Are you going to kill me now that i know what you do?" I ask not even knowing where that came from.
I see a frown form on his face and he rushes to assure me.

"What? No, i would never kill you. I don't care if you want to tell the whole world about what i do. I would never kill you, i love you" the words freely leave his mouth. Tears start to form in my eyes again but i blink them away swallowing the gulp that forms up my throat.
He loves me?
I know he does but hearing him admit it is just so overwhelming.
Finally he admits his feelings to me.
Now?
Of all the time we had, he chooses to confess his feelings now?
But I can't stay with him, with a murderer.
My guilty conscious will not let me.
I will not be able to sleep at night.
Never.
"So now that you are not going to kill me, can I go?" I ask and see an expression of hurt flash his face before he musks it with a cold and empty expression.
He puts his hands in his pockets and just stays still for a while  that it starts to bring about an uncomfortable feeling.

"I will drop you off" he suggests finally breaking the uncomfortable silence that was consuming us and I can't help release a deep held breath.

"It's OK I will jus-"

"I insist." He cuts me off in a firm voice then changes into a pleading tone."please" he continued.
Not trusting what my mouth might say, all I do is just node my head in a yes sign.

He let's me lead the way and head to his red jeep that was packed right across his once amazing yard.
I get in quickly to the passages seat before he could open the door for me, after seeing my actions he walks to his seat and starts the car engine and drives out of the deserted road into the high way.

The drive to my house was in total silence that I was thankful for.
Jacob would drive his gaze at me once in a while throughout the drive, it was as if he was checking to see if am okay and I found that to be so sweet of him even if I would never admit that out loud.

Finally we reach home and Jacob packs at the front of my crappy apartment, I reach to open the car door and get out of the car as quickly as I could walking to my door.
I didn't even notice that Jacob followed me to my front door, I open my door and try to close it but Jac pushes the door with his big hand.

"Bella i-"

"No, Jac, not now please" I cut him short before he makes this hard for both of us.
This is for the best.
After hearing my words Jacob's hand that was on my door slides down and he puts it in his pocket just like the other.

"Am sorry" he says while all I do is just at him with a blank expression. "For everything" he continues then walks away to his jeep and drives away in a frustrated, dangerous sped that might get him killed.
Anyways all I could was just walk yo my bedroom and cry myself out until when fatigue consumed me and was taken to the dream lands.
Well more like nightmare.

I am so sorry sweet hearts I took too long to update, it is just that I have been super busy and that having two more books that am writing doesn't make it easy.

But thanks for the time you took to read this book.