Why?

Chapter 4. Who?

"Smack a bitch today
Yeah
Smack a bitch today
Thank God I ain't have to smack a bitch today
Yeah, whoa
Smack a bitch today
Thank God I ain't have to smack a bitch today."

Someone was calling me constantly and it was as if the ringtone became louder every time. As soon as I opened my eyes, my head felt like it was hit by a truck several times. I reached for my phone to make it stop. Just as I was sitting up, I realized that I was still in the same clothes as yesterday with dried throw up all over me. I quickly tried to get into the shower but I ended up falling over a body.

"What the hell? Who the hell...?" I yelled as I turned the person over.

"Fuck." I said while trying to stand up.

I realized that it was Alex. Without thinking, I bended down to pick her up and carry her to my bed. After pulling the covers over her, I walked to my closet to grab clothes and walked towards the bathroom. As I closed the door I heard her call my name but I ignored it. While in the shower I couldn't help but to wonder what happened last night and why she was sleep on the ground. I honestly don't remember anything after I opened my dad's letter. The one thing I hate about drinking is that it doesn't make my problems go away.

Flashback-

Taking a deep breathe I opened the letter.

Dear babygirl,

I know that if you received this letter then most likely you're angry with me but please don't let my actions change who you are. I love you and that will never change. The reason why I didn't want you to know about my cancer coming back is because I didn't want to worry you. I know the last few months of school has been stressing you out. I didn't want your last memories of me being in pain. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Even though I'm not there anymore, everything I owned is left in your name so take care of it and yourself. I miss you babes. I want you to know that you're the best thing that has happened to me. Unfortunately I've been keeping things from you...

Present

My thoughts were interrupted when the water turned cold. After stepping out the shower, I got dressed. I wonder if Alex was still there but knowing her she probably left. I need to check my phone and see if I messaged her to come over. I walked out the bathroom and to my surprise Alex was sitting up on my bed starring at me. Slowly, I walked to my bed and picked up my phone. I had 54 messages and 29 missed calls. Most of them were from Kendra and Jamie. Alex was just watching my every move. I wondered what was on her mind.

"Well, hi." I said to break the silence.

"I'm guessing you don't remember anything from last night." She said while standing up.

I shook my head no.

"You called me last night to come over after you blew my phone up with messages. I was irritated as hell but I figured that something had to be wrong if you wouldn't leave me alone. When I arrived, you were nowhere to be found but all of your friends were. All of them tried to jump me so I felt like coming over here was a trap. Just when Madison took a swing at me, you came to save me, not that I needed it. I just didn't expect you to say the things you said after everything I've done to you. After that you started to throw up everywhere and that's when I realized that you were drunk as hell. You ended up passing out so I carried you in your room and put you in the bed. " She explained. 

"Why did you stay?" I asked.

"I wanted to talk to you when you were sober." she answered.

"Talk about what?" I asked.

"I don't think it's a good idea anymore, I'ma go. Feel better." she said while moving towards the door.

"No." I said while grabbing her arm and pulling her towards me. "You can't leave like that. You always leave like that and I'm not putting up with it anymore. Sit down and tell me what it is that is on your mind."

She looked at me with this weird smile. "Fine. I wanted to talk about us."

I didn't know how to respond so I sat down on my bed and kept quiet as she explained.

"I missed you honestly and I know I've done some fucked up things but maybe you could forgive me." She said as she started to walk towards me. She held my face in the palm of her hands. "I still love you, I always have."

Every emotion I had of her began to drown me. I wanted to hold her but I knew that would be the death of me. Damn, she makes it hard to move on. I started to lean in towards her face.

"I want us to be friends again." She said.

You could see how broken I was when she said that. 

"Get out." I said calmly.

"Why? Just hear me out." She responded.

"No, I don't befriend exes, therefore, we have nothing to talk about." I said while standing up and walking to the door.

''Jordan. I know you still care about me. Just let me stay." She said.

"Alex, I know you and I know that you didn't come here to just be friends. It's always something more with you. I just can't figure out what you're running from this time because I know the moment you find better you'll leave again. I can't trust you because you never keep your word. You're a liar. And to think that I was going to text you and try to work something out. We've been through the rollercoaster of getting back together one day and done the next. Being friends won't work so there's no point of even trying. I'm done. Get out and I'm not telling you again." I said while holding the door open. 

She started to walk to the door, not taking her eyes off of me. "No matter what you say or feel, I'll always be here for you. Just like I was last night. No one took care of you but I did. Just remember that."

I watched her as she left my house. Leo walked up to me and gave me smile. 

"It's about time." He said.

"I finally opened the letter too." I said.

"Great, where is it?" He asked.

"On my desk." I said as I turned around looking for it when I realized it wasn't there.

"Dude, I can't find it." I said.

"Well, you were fucked up last night, maybe you moved it." He suggested.

"I doubt it but help me look for it." I said.

We spent the whole afternoon searching and cleaning the whole house but we couldn't find it. 

"You don't think Alex took it do you?" Leo asked.

"She's not a thief." I defended her.

"She's something though." He said.

"What would she want with a letter from my dad?" I asked him to make a point.

"Was there money in there?" He asked.

"No, nothing but a letter and a photo." I responded.

"A photo? Of who?" He asked.

"My birth mother... She's alive." I said.

We sat down as I explained everything I knew to Leo. Oddly enough he suggested that I should find her. Honestly, I could care less about finding her. I want to find that letter though. I need it back because it's the last thing I have from him. I feel so guilty about how I reacted towards his death. Unfortunately, I won't get the chance to tell him I'm sorry or I love you. Even though he kept a big secret from me, I'm glad he's the one who raised me. As for everything else that's going on in my life, I feel so angry. One of these days I'm going to explode.