Three Stupid Little Words

Chapter 7......Reasons for Betryal

Those three months were great with Jack but my own life has changed for the worse at home. My step dad started to get worse with drugs. Being the control freak that my mother is she tried to take matters into her own hands. Instead of reporting the sleeze or dumping him at the very least she regrettably used her signature pushy approach which inevitably made matters worse. My step dad started hitting my mother. It started with him gripping her up in the "heated discussing" then escalated to a open palm slap in the face which turned into a closed fist. Once, he even pushed her down a flight of steps in our house for asking why he didn't at least put gas in her car after using it all day. She missed a yet another doctor's appointment because of it. I tried intervening as much as could because no matter his shitty she is no woman should go through that. Nevertheless she always pushed me away and said I should stay out of "adult affairs" and that she can "handle him" with blood dripping from her nose. It was beyond sickening to see. Unfortunately, I was the only one trying to defend my.. or should I say OUR mother. My Irish twin Kaitlyn refuses to help me with constant abuse. She says "it's none of our business" but really she's already being abused by her girlfriend herself. In her sorry ass defense she said "Why risk taking hit for somebody why doesn't want the help" even tho it was her own mother she was talking about. Ok, I totally know what your thinking: what the hell is her deal? Why is she being such a selfish bitch towards her own family? But the truth is I can honestly relate to where Kaitlyn is coming from. Ever since we were born we've been manipulated to think a certain way and act a certain way so we could grow up to be 'perfect' intelligent sweethearts our future Husbands. 'An idol mind is a devil's workshop' we we're constantly told from our mother as she sent us to all kinds of summer torturou.. Sorry, tutoring bible camps. We begged her not to go after the first year but she never listened. She always said we were being ungrateful and compared us to our biological father who neither one of us know. Since Kaitlyn is the oldest, there's been a hellavalot more pressure on her to be that "perfect" daughter until one day Kaitlyn just snapped crackled and popped off. It was back in 10th grade she had a meltdown in class when she got a B+ on a science test. She knew if she would have brought the grade home mother would blow a gasket and blow everything out of proportion and unreasonably punish her for the foreseeable future. That was apart of her minipultive mind game bullshit. She loves a good power trip that is until she met our step dad who no joke beat that right out of her. Instead of showing mother her test she avoided the entire situation by running away the same day. A girl named Beck that was in Kaitlyn's class at the time told me what happened but she said she had no idea where she went. Since Kaitlyn waited until after school to flee the school has no clue about the situation until the next day when mother confronted them in person with the police. Of course she left out why Kaitlyn felt the pressure to run away in the first place. She was even notified about the outburst in class, and was questioned about how things were going at home. She started tripping over her words before smoothly denying to know what they were talking about. That it didn't matter what was going on at home she was certain it had nothing to do with Kaylyn disappearce. No one bought that but they couldn't exactly accuse her for it. After we came back from the school and the Police station where she wrote an official report, I had a honest conversion with about all the pressure she's been putting on Kaitlyn. Then she fixed her lips to say she should've added more pressure, that's why her grades "slipped" in the first place. She refused to acknowledge she was the problem and proceeded to blame everyone else but her self. I guess that's her coping mechanism.

Weeks had passed and still no sign of Kaitlyn. I was started to get worried but I knew deep down she was safe and low-key envious that she made it out of our toxic sespool of a dysfunctional home. Weird that she didn't at least reach out to me but I always figured she would in her own time. Once again my mother took matters into her own hands not leaving it to the police and decided to hunt Kaitlyn down herself. I guess she got tired of pretending she was going to come home on her own because life was soo much better at Casa Sespool. *Dramatic eye roll* She searched day and night for Kaitlyn and came home saying the same thing "I didn't find her but I will, trust me i will". She never found her. In the meantime she find that human back wash of a boyfriend. After 8 months Kaitlyn actually did came home. When she came back my mother had a near heart attack completely ignoring the fact that she had a new female companion. She was just so jubilant to be right about her return and so self absorbed to fully grasp that Kaitlyn brought a "lady lover" home. In a normal household it shouldn't matter who you bring home, if you like someone enough to bring them home what does it matter what that gender they identify as our sexual orientation they are. Unfortunately our mother is outwardly homophobic.. Still.. In this in the day in age. I'm the brief moment of bliss she didn't even care just as long as she was back. She promised to never pressure her Kaitlyn like that ever again, but we're sure she only said that in front of our new company. Alas, if you knew our mother you would know she puts the 'bitch' in habitual liar.

Like clockwork, after a month just when I thought things starting to settle down at home, things took a turn for the worse. I came home after school to find small trails of blood leading from the living room to the kitchen. My heart dropped to my stomach. "Mom?" I called out following the blood trail. "Bel..." I heard my mom say faintly. When I reached the kitchen i felt my soul leave my body from what i saw....