Group Therapy

Part 3

Therapist: We will start simple. At one point we were all children. We had dreams and aspirations. A lighter time before.. our downfall. What did we all want to be when we got older? Oh and keep in mind, your cells are rigged to send a few healthy volts through your body if the system detects you're lying. Call it an innocent dose of shock treatment. You need to behave.

Joker: This just keeps getting better! When do we use the mouth gags and fuzzy cuffs?

Riddler looks at Bane and half-smiles. Bane knows what he's implying, but he knows it's still a waiting game. They cannot assume this is a Joker performance.

Therapist: Bane, we will start with you.

Bane: I wanted to crush my enemies.

A surge of electricity runs through bane as he painfully tenses up and begins to yell.

Therapist: There's always one who has to test the system. Please try again, but honestly, Antonio. What was your dream?

Bane: Fair enough. I suppose I wanted to rise above the stigma of my family. I was to be the most revered scientist. Then, after many years of discrimination and seclusion, I discovered that one's ego will never bow to another.

Therapist: So you realized that the only immediate solution to mental dominance was the physical equivalent. Very interesting, but also common among the human psyche. You just had the intelligence and resources to pull it off. How about you, Roman?

Black Mask: I wanted to show my prick father that I could sustain a business. And hell, I'd do it better than him. I'd run an empire. We didn't play catch. I just hid things for him. Black market items, you know, Silk Road shit. Every day I grew more tired of being thrown to the side. I was underutilized and everyone saw it. I was young, but I felt like I knew more about the gig than he did. And guess what, now I have my empire and things are running smoothly. I might be the most successful one here. I can't complain.

Riddler: It sounds like you never got along with your father. You never built that essential connection, all you knew was making money. It's all you were taught. So with a constant quest for monetary supremacy, you fill the hole where your father should be. Am I close?

Joker: I'm sure his father's filled that hole before. They used to call it " Daddy dropped the remote". Haha!

Black Mask: I didn't ask for comments from the goddam peanut gallery.

Therapist: To be fair, I did say no judging. Roman has been honest with us and deserves our respect. Edward, you can go next.

Riddler scoffs. He looks around the room as if to carefully plan his words.

Riddler: I had plans of becoming an engineer. I had mastered a plethora of fields including calculus, geometry, the English language and beat every puzzle book in Gotham. You know, simple stuff. The essentials, one might say. I once thought love was important, but an intelligent man does not require pursuits of the flesh. If only someone passed that little tidbit to Victor..

Riddler lets out a long sigh.

Riddler: Such a shame.

Freeze: Love and intelligence are entirely separate, but one will fuel the other. She was like a beautiful ice angel gliding through my mind with such elegancy. My research was overbearing, yet I always made time for her. She was the only thing that kept me human. I just wanted a life with her. My work was secondary. When she fell ill, I adapted to the cold reality. To function in a frozen world, one must acquire a frozen heart. But the fire still burns for her deep within my soul.

Joker: Well enough of Chick-Flick McDick. I've got an interesting tale so gather around the campfire, children. You too, scout leader! I'm just disappointed you can't molest me through the speaker. I'm feeling so coy and unassuming.

Therapist: We're all looking forward to your truth, Joker.

Joker: I once met a young boy named Bobby.

Joker is aggressively zapped as he howls with laughter. Freeze rolls his eyes.

Black Mask: Jesus Christ.

Freeze: Yet, we keep asking him to speak.

Joker: Okay fine. Billy! His name was Billy.

Therapist: Careful, Joker. We all must play by the rules.

Joker: No fun! But yes, where was I? Oh right! Billy. I was a young man myself. See, Billy was a special boy. Regular things that children do never quite tickled his little fancy. Billy liked to rape. Actually no, I apologize. Billy loved to rape. That was like, his thing. I blame the schools.

Freeze: He's clearly not playing by the rules.

Bane: Get to the point, Joke man.

Joker: Well here's the thing. Billy raped whatever he could! Other little boys and little girls, animals, inanimate objects with just enough wiener space! Nothing was off limits. But he was far too young for sexual prowess. Billy didn't rape because he wanted to get off. In fact the very act of it left him slightly repulsed! Billy raped because it was wrong. That's it. He knew how damaging and perverse his actions were and that's why he did it! Haha!

Riddler: Such a humbling story of how a boy found his way.

Black Mask: How come he ain't toasty?

Therapist: Unfortunately, he was telling the truth. It just wasn't the truth we desired.

Black Mask: C'mon freak show. What'd you wanna be when you were an even smaller lunatic?

Joker: I wanted a purpose. A punchline for this meaningless joke. A run-on classic called "existence". Then I finally found my audience. We laughed, oh, we laughed. Suddenly, they were ushered out by the cold hands of cowards. Jealous miscreants! And now.. oh now, the jokes lack luster. They're not as funny when you say them in an empty room. Now we wait for the ultimate punchline. The one to end all jokes.

Bane: Ay dios mio.

Freeze: That might be the best we get.

Riddler: That's the best we ever get. He likes to be mysterious. Thinks it makes him more attractive.

Joker: Hehe, good one, Waldo. I'm not really worried about losing prom king to you. You were probably masturbating and huffing glue in the locker room.

Riddler: Creep.

Joker: Yes! That's the word I was looking for. You were always so cute with words. Passing notes in the classroom to all the blind deaf retarded girls.

Riddler: What are you even getting at?

Joker: They still checked "no".