Hold On Hope

Chapter 15~ Gwen's POV

*1 week later*

Peter's been a mess for a few days now- of course, he doesn't say, but I can tell- so I'm not too surprised when, at three this morning, he wakes up sweating from another nightmare.

'Gwen. I can't do this anymore.'

This is new. I sit up, startled. 'What? Peter, what do you mean?'

'It's just, Aunt May needs me. And so does New York. No one needs me here, and I'll drive myself crazy just sitting here alone while you're out all day and I think about my parents and Uncle Ben and how I'm not in uni and then I think about what my dad would have wanted and I just have no idea and then there's your dad and the promise and what happened a couple of months ago and I just...I can't do this.'

I've been here so many times. I don't know if this is different. I don't know what to do. 'I need you,' I whisper. 'Isn't that enough?' I know just how this fight goes. Same downward spiral every time.

'It's enough for me,' he sobs. 'I just don't know if it's enough for the world. I need you so much more than I need to be Spiderman, but the world needs me to be Spiderman more than it needs me to be with you. And I figure, I'd be selfish to put my needs before New York City's.'

I want to yell, what about my needs? What about what I want and who I love? Peter Parker, not Spiderman. I want to scream at him, stop being so bloody ignorant while thinking you're so selfless. But I've already said all those things and more, in the hundred times we've had this fight before. So I just say, 'alright.' It's supposed to sound all angry and independent, but it comes out like a choke. A hopeless, helpless choke.

And he packs up his bags, and leaves. At three A.M. In the rain. And I'm left, lying on the cold side of our double bed, my life seeming so clichéd I'm almost convinced it's a movie. Except, if it was a movie I'd be guaranteed a happy ending. And with life, I'm not guaranteed anything.