"When you realize the crew you roll with, is actually what makes you anxious."
There's probably more meaning to this, more of a in depth conversation around this lyrics than what I have to say. But, I feel as if these lyrics perfectly go with the topic of this 'chapter'.
I have friends. Shocker lmao. No, but really, I have a couple friends. Some I'd like to be closer with, and honestly, some I'd like to drop. Lately, I've been having this gigantic insecurity issue. Whether it be me swearing at myself in the mirror, because I truly and deeply hate the way I look, or if it's me swearing I'll never speak a word because I truly believe everything I say is stupid and boring.
When I worry about me being a boring person, it makes me even more of a boring person. Barely speaking, smiling, overthinking everything before I want to say it, which often takes too long so I just decide to not say it since the conversation already passed.
This happens to me with my current friends, and ones I try to get closer with/make.
Whenever I'm with someone, I can't help but have insecure thoughts. How can I be more like the person they like over me? Why would they even want to hang out with me? How can I make them laugh, real laugh, without seeming like a try-hard? Do I look okay? Am I embarrassing? Do they hang out with me because I'm clearly and obviously uglier and much less attractive or interesting or as smart as them which makes them feel better?
And more. Point is, me being insecure is making me lose my mind. I feel like I've come disconnected with who I truly am as a person, and I'm terrified to find out. I don't know how to find out. The sad thing is, I don't even know who I am. I don't know what I like, I don't know what my style is, I don't know what I do and I don't know how to act. I feel like I'm losing myself as a person. I don't know what to do.
Anyway, that was my hate-rant. If you read all of it, I'm proud of you. Also, someone said I'm dryer irl than when I type so take that into consideration.
-Jordyn
YOU ARE READING
"Shitty Shit About Me"
RandomUhm, here is my status book. I don't have many followers but I'll still make one. So, this'll be my online, public diary. Sorry if they're not good please don't kill me.
