madison's pov
We had a meeting with the doctors today. I was finally going to figure out what was going on. I knew I should be nervous, but I was more relieved than anything. I had been kept in the dark for awhile about how I was doing and I just wanted answers as to how I was actually doing. I wanted to know how much longer they thought I was going to have.
The nurse helped me out of the bed and into a wheelchair. I told her that I could walk to the conference room, but she insisted on the wheelchair. I guess I hadn't walked in a few days, so walking would be a bit difficult right now. As she wheeled me down the hall, with my parents next to me I wished that Calum was with us, but I knew that he couldn't be. Only my parents were allowed to be in the meeting with me. The nurse pushed me up to the expansive table and walked away, the door slamming on her way out. My dad sat next to me and my mom on his other side. Opposite us, sat my doctor. He was nice enough, I guess. At least he knew what he was talking about.
"Madison," he started. "How are you today?"
I was beginning to hate this question because I felt obligated to tell everyone that I was ok when I wasn't. How can I be ok when I have cancer? I feel weak and tired and I'm dying. But instead of saying that I'm not ok, I told him, "I'm doing alright."
"That's nice to hear." He opens up the manilla folder in front of him with my charts and scans in front him and looks them over for a moment. "So in todays conference we're going to talk about your cancer and your health..." he began and the meeting trailed on as he spoke medical words I didn't know the meaning of.
After awhile, I couldn't take it any longer. I only wanted to know one thing: how long I had to live. I raised my hand while he was in the middle of explaining something. "Yes, Madison?" he asked, stopping in the middle of a sentence.
"How long do I have?"
"Dear, I don't like to give out time tables," he told me, a sad expression on his face.
"I don't care if you're wrong. I just want to know. I need to know." My eyes felt watery as I started to beg him for an answer.
My dad grabbed for my hand. "Mads, please stop. We're only here to learn how your cancer has spread."
My hand shot up to my mouth at his words. My cancer has spread? I guess I should've been paying more attention. "He should be able to tell me how long I'm going to live if the cancer spread then. It's bad isn't it? How long is it? A year? 6 months? A month? 2 weeks? How long? I can handle it." I was sobbing into my hands now and my dad rubbed my back.
"I think it's time we stopped the meeting. We can rescedule it if you'd like, but I think Madison has had enough," the doctor stated, standing up from his chair. "I truly hope you're feeling better dear." He walked out, leaving me alone with my parents in the large conference room.
"Why won't he tell me?" I sobbed, turning to my dad and he brought me to his chest.
"Madison," my mom spoke up. "Let's go back to your room. You should get some rest."
"I don't want rest! I just want answers to my questions." I was shaking in my dad's arms and he tried his best to calm me down.
"You want answers, Madison? The answer is that you're going to die sooner rather than later and we all have to accept that." Her words felt like a knife in my chest and I leaned more onto my dad's chest.
"Charlotte!" my dad gasped at her outburst. He let go of me, standing up from his chair and I wished he hadn't. All I wanted was someone that loved me to wrap their arms around me and tell me that everything was going to be fine, that I wasn't dying. I watched as he strormed over to her. She was standing with her back facing me, looking out the small window of the conference room. "That's no way to talk to her!" he harshly whispered. "She's in a fragile state right now and all you're doing is making it worse."
My mom crossed her arms over her chest and then uncrossed them again before walking over to my wheelchair. "Let's go, sweetheart," she cooed. "I think you deserve a nap."
I sighed, closing my eyes. I felt the wheelchair start to move as her heels click clacked behind it and my dad's softer footsteps behind us. A nurse arrived soon after we got back to the room to put me back in my bed. I looked at my parents standing before my bed. My dad: eyes red from crying at home, body worn and ragged from stress. My mom: dressed in her normal business pant suit, hair perfectly styled, makeup perfectly done, no sign of stress or tears. I gave them a half-smile and my dad leaned down to kiss my forehead.
"I'm sorry, Mads. I know you want answers, but sometimes it's better this way," he whispered.
I shook my head at him. It wasn't better this way. How could it be better this way? I didn't want to just all of a sudden be gone like Luke. I wanted to know so I could be prepared. I wanted Calum to be prepared. It was already going to be hard enough on him.
There was a knock on the door and my mood instantly changed when I saw Calum through the little window on the door. He slowly entered, saying hello to my parents.
"Calum, may I speak to you outside for a moment?" my dad asked him.
"Uh, sure," he answered. He pressed a kiss to my temple before following him back out of my room. My hand instinctively reached out for him, but he was already out of the room.
"Madison, dear," my mom was saying as she pulled a chair to my bedside. "You know I'm only giving you tough love, right?"
"Tough love?" I mumbled, not having the strength to fight back. My mom was a bitch and she had to know it.
"I only want you to face the truth."
I held back my tears and found the strength to tell her what I've wanted to tell her for so long. "Knowing the truth is fine, mom, but what I really need is someone to love me. Someone to show me that they care. Someone to be there whenever I need them. Someone that doesn't shove it in my face how much money all of the hospital bills are costing them. Someone that just gives a hug once in a while. Someone that tells me it's going to be alright even though it's not. That's all I want. Sometimes that's better than truth."
"Oh, Madison. I'm so sorry. I guess I'm just being how my mother always was to me. As much as you say you won't be like your parents..." she trailed off, tears starting to fall down her eyes.
"Mom, it's fine, really."
"No, it's not Madison. I don't want to lose you," she sobbed, finally giving me the hug I've longed for.
hi (: i planned on updating this morning but wattpad wasn't letting me, so here you go. sorry for the suuuuper long wait, i was really busy! please vote/comment and i'll try to update again soon. xx zoe
