As A Friend

14: And Dessert!

 "So...." I trail as I sit at Kat's computer desk. My eyes bounce between items in the room as I slowly spin in circles in her chair. Her side of the room is bright pink, as opposed to her roommate's muted gray color.

"So my verdict still stands," she insists as she watches me twirl in the chair.

"Are you sure?" I slow to a stop and quirk an eyebrow at her. She returns my look with a flat one.

"Why are we even having this conversation? Anyone with eyes can see that he likes you! I literally didn't even have to go to dinner with you guys the other night to tell." She shakes her head at me as if surprised that I can't see it.

"I wish you saw how he started acting before the whole anti-dating phase started. You'd be just as confused as me."

"Well, I'm not confused. He likes you. There isn't much else to say. No room for second thoughts." She seems convinced enough. Then again, she doesn't really know Dominic so her word isn't indefinitely true. He clearly flirts with me, but neither of us know how he flirts when he's trying to actually get with a girl. Maybe the way he treats me is just his default setting. Before I can even voice this concern, Kat exclaims in exasperation. "You're doing it again, huh?"

"What?" I feel myself growing a little concerned. Doing what?

"You're sitting there lying to yourself and excusing his actions! You're summing it up to Dominic just being Dominic right?" Yikes. How'd she know?

I furrow my eyebrows at her as I try to shake my head. "What? No..." It's obvious that I'm not the greatest liar.

"Look, I think he likes you. I'm good at detecting these things. The next thing you've got to do is let him know that you know." She says this as if it's a casual thing. What should I do? Put a note on his desk saying 'I know you like me' with a winky face and hope he puts two and two together?

"But...but what if he doesn't like me? What if he's just a flirt and we don't realize it? What if I tell him that I like him and he freaks out and avoids me?" I stress the more realistic situation if I were to make my awareness and feelings known.

"That sounds so out of character for him and that's coming from someone who barely knows him." She dismissively shakes her head. "Realistically, he thinks you don't like him because you never flirt with him and you shoot him down whenever he jokes with you."

"Shut up," I complain when I realize what she's saying is true.

"What are you so scared of?" Her voice is quite and I struggle to come up with an answer that voices all of my deepest worries.

I open and close my mouth a couple times as I drag my hands up and down my thighs. "I don't know what it'd look like, you know, me and him. He and I are very...clear on things. Right now, we're best friends and that's cool. But if I tell him about my feelings, it makes things...blurry. I do not like blurry; I like clear. And if he likes me back, it just makes it even more difficult to get a label on things. What if we don't want the same things? I don't even know if I want a relationship right now and he said it himself that he doesn't want one."

She walks over and puts her hands on my shoulders when she sees my breathing get heavier. "Girl...chill. No one is telling anyone anything, yet. We're not even close to getting you into a relationship. You're jumping to Point Z; we're barely at point B, okay? You're good...just relax."

"Relaxing..." I nod slowly and breathe deeply. "I'm fine. Everything is fine."

"How about we go get some ice cream? Friday nights are not for studying, anyway."

"Yeah...I could definitely go for some ice cream...." I mumble as I get up. She nods and begins changing into a more appropriate outfit. I check my phone and am struck with confusion when I see Eli's name on the screen. My finger hovers above the notification as I read it. 'Hey.' It's one word but it manages to send my stomach into a nervous frenzy. What could he possibly want? He called me a piece of shit and then left, so excuse me for thinking that he's done with anything having to do with me.