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"So this is what it feels like to be Monica", Alycia commented with a smile as Chandler entered her apartment.
"Do I look fat?"
"No?", Joey replied. He got there about an hour ago to watch TV with her because he was alone in his apartment and apparently neither Monica or Rachel were in theirs.
"When I said that to Janice she told me I was calling her a cow!"
Alycia sat up on the couch, furrowing her eyebrows. "Please elaborate".
"Well, Janice said: Hi, do I look fat today? And I looked at her–"
"See, you can't look. You just answer with a plain no", Alycia cuts him of.
Joey nodded, "Yeah. It's like when a girl asks: "Is she preetier than me?" You just answer no!", he added. "And, does the size matter?"
"No", Alycia shakes her head.
Joey pointed at her, "It goes both ways, you see?"
"Oh, so you know about this stuff?", Chandler sat down on the couch with them.
Joey chuckled, "Please".
Alycia decided to ignore Joey. "After a few fights you kinda catch on". "Okay, listen", she starts again. "Let's say Janice comes back from a trip and she gives you two options; one, she'll take a cab from the airport, or option number two, you can meet her at baggage claim. What do you do?"
"That's easy, baggage claim", he shruggs.
"It's actually secret option number three; you meet her at the gate. That's when she knows that you love her", she replied.
"Okay", he nods slowly. "Here's one. Janice likes to cuddle and, you know, I'm all for it but when you want to go to sleep, you want some space. How do I tell her without, you know...accidentally calling her fat or something?"
Joey scoffs, "That easy". He moves closer to Alycia to wrap an arm around her. "Okay, so you're in bed and she's on your side, cuddling".
Alycia pushes him away, "Use the cushing".
She hands him the cushing as he hugs onto it instead of her. "Alright, so she's cuddling. Now, you wait for her to fall asleep, and then you hug her, and roll her over to her side of the bed. And then you just roll away".
Chandler nods, "Okay, good ol' hug and roll!"
"You boys are horrible", Alycia commented while crossing her arms.
"Why?", Joey looks at her.
"I can't believe you do that! Cuddling is the best thing about sleeping with your boyfriend!"
She moves closer to Joey again, wrapping her arms around his torso and resting her head on his shoulder. "Doesn't it feel good?", she closes her eyes, cuddling onto Joey.
"Yeah, sure", Joey stutters as she moves away.
"I feel bad for your girlfriends already", she shakes her head, focusing back on the TV.
☀
"Hi!", Phoebe entered Central Perk.
"Hi!", everyone greeted.
"Hey, you know that guy who's been following me? I talked to him today!"
"You talked to him? Are you crazy?", Joey asked, spitting part of his food to her.
"First, I'm not crazy. Second, say it, don't spray it", she replied. "Anyway, his name is Malcom and he wasn't following me. Well, he was, but just because he thought I was Ursula, ugh. That's why he couldn't talk to me, because of the restraining order".
"Not feeling better about Malcom", Chandler replied.
"Oh, no, he's not like a cook. He's just a really passionate, very romantic guy, that just got a little carried away".
"And got a restraining order", Alycia added.
"But we talked and we got along just fine. Besides, he's so cute".
"You've got a crush on your sister's stalker", Ross said.
"No, I'm just gonna help him to get over Ursula, like I did with Joey after he dated her".
"I didn't stalk her, I mean-", Joey started, again spitting food on her.
"Okay. I asked for the news, not the weather".
"Joey, this is for your", Monica said after greeting the group, handing him one of the million jars of jam she did to get over Richard.
He opened the jar and tasted it, giving Monica his full approval.
"Okay, Joey, I gotta ask", Chandler started. "Your girlfriend is at your place butt naked, or a big tub of jam?"
Joey smirked, "Put your hands together".
"Joey, take your time with that, it's my last bash", Monica said as she's back with the group after getting her coffee.
"No more jam?", he asked in a sad voice.
"I just figured I have to charge 17 bucks a jar just to break even, so I've got a new plan now: Babies".
"You're gonna need much bigger jars for that", Chandler pointed out.
"That's way too dark", Alycia added.
Monica gives him a glare. "I meant, having a baby".
"Well, aren't you forgetting something? What's that guy's name? Dad!", Ross said.
"It took me twenty-eight years to find the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. If I wait another twenty-eitght years, I'm gonna be fifty-six before I can have a baby and that's just stupid".
"That's what's stupid?", Chandler asked confused.
"I don't need an actual man, just a couple of his best swimmers", Monica replied.
"Now that's a quote", Alycia pointed at her.
☀
"Okay, how about this", Monica started reading one of the sperm doners' file. "Twenty-seven, italian-american guy, he's an actor, borned in Queens...wow, big family: seven sisters and he's the only boy".
Everyone turn to look at Joey that was eating his jam on the kitchen table.
Alycia chuckled. "On personal comments: New York Knicks rule", she read over Monica's shoulder.
"Yeah, The Knicks rule!", he replied.
"Joey, this is you!", Monica said.
"When did you go to a sperm bank?", Rachel asked him.
"Right after that sex study at the NYU", he replied. "Remember that sweater I gave you for your bithday?"
Chandler stood up. "That's how you bought it?"
"No, that's what I was wearing when I donated".
"Burn it, burn it", Alycia shakes her head after Joey's comment.
