WARNING MIGHT BE TRIGGERING!
Luke: I woke up in my boyfriends bed, but he wasn’t by my side. We had a sleepover and Luke was probably in the bathroom or something. I grabbed my phone from the bedside table and started scrolling trough instagram. I could smell the scent of freshly toasted bread. My tummy grumbled since I had skipped my usual night snack, I didn’t even eat the ice cream Luke offered me. The memory made me feel ashamed, but my acting wasn’t something I could control. I had a rare eating disorder and was slightly underweight, I tried long ago to stop loosing weight, but my mind took control and now that it had gotten too far I had to be guarded by every meal. I didn’t even get to decide my own portions anymore! How could my life become such a mess in just a few months? A knock on the door made me take my eyes off my cell phone screen. “I made breakfast for you” My boyfriend Luke came in through the door carrying a tray with breakfast and a lit candle on it. As he passed the door he smoothly shut it with his foot. He placed the tray in front of me, on my knees. My eyes widened as I gazed the breakfast, I knew I had to eat up. On the tray there was a glass of orange juice and two toasts with cheese and orange jam. “Unfortunately we didn’t have any whole-wheat toasts… and I also added some orange jam onto the toasts, which I hope is okay…” He seemed really insecure about all this, my sickness and food fears. He sat down on the other side of the bed as I sat up also. “C’mon, dug in” Luke joked and then he clicked on the telly. I gulped and grabbed one of the toasts. The toast smell filled my nostrils and it actually felt appetizing. I took a bite of the toast and the sweet bread with almost melted cheese and sweet orange jam on tasted so good in my mouth and made me drool. It felt a little odd and scary, but it was nice. I took another bite, and another. Soon I had eaten the whole toast. I tried to push the guilty feelings aside, but didn’t manage and my thoughts came crashing on me like a big fat rock. The time passed and still hadn’t touched the other toast or the glass orange juice. “You should eat up so we can go brush our teeth” My boyfriend tried to get me to eat up. “Please, can’t you eat it for me?” I shook my head and was looking down on my lap, acting like a child. “If you want to I can remove the cheese and jam?” Luke sweetly asked me. I felt ridicules so I kept staring at my lap and didn’t answer. “Hon, you know you got to eat it all up..” Luke sighed. “Do I need to feed you?” He giggled a little to try to make me smile. It worked. His long fingers grabbed the toast. “Open mouth” He said and fed me. He made me eat the whole meal, but that didn’t matter cause he was really sweet and loving, just the way I wanted him to be.
Calum (his pov): How could this happen? I’m such a useless and egoistic boyfriend, I thought. “Hey” Ashton said and sat down beside me in my bunk. “Hi” I sighed. “Are you okay, bro?” He asked. “Not really, I’m worried sick” “I understand, we all do and I just wanted to say that we are here to support you through this ‘cause we know it’s not only hard for (y/n), but also for you” Ashton said. “Thanks bro” “Don’t worry, it’s what best friends do” Yesterday I had received a call from (y/n) mother, she was going to be inpatient. Half a year ago, she, my girlfriend was diagnosed with anorexia. It was a rough time, but she managed to recover quite fast I thought, but she relapsed a month ago and now she’s really sick. I bet her being inpatient will make her better, but it’s just killing me from the inside and out. Last time I saw her was two weeks ago before going on tour around Australia. We were at her place and she looked really weak. She had dark puffs under her eyes and she wasn’t happy at all I could tell. I didn’t notice the other boys had joined me and Ash ‘cause my thoughts were just a big mess and my brain was numb from the tough news. “Maybe you should visit her?” Luke suggested. “Yeah that’s a great idea, we all could” Michael Said. “We could do that?” I asked hopefully. At the hospital. The boys and I walked up to the nurse at the reception in the entrance. “Excuse me, uhm were looking for (y/n) (y/l/n)”, we’d like to visit her” “She’s in room 431, are you aware of the visiting times, sir?” “Yes, thank you” Me and the boys walked over to the elevator and Luke clicked on the button 4th floor. We walked down the hall could and could smell the typical hospital sent. How did she manage to sleep here? It stinks… Room 429, 430, 431… here it is. I gulped and softly knocked on the door, the boys stood behind me. “I think you can enter” Ashton said. “Maybe you guys could wait outside, I mean, maybe she’s exhausted or something” I asked my four mates. “Of course man” Ashton said and stepped aside to sit on a chair that was just next to the door. I slowly pushed the door open, my impatience and longing to see her growing. I walked into the room and saw her. She was watching something on her iPad. Her gaze was focused on the screen until she saw me. She quickly removed her ear buds and by the facial expression she was having I could tell she was very surprised. My jaw dropped, she looked so weak. She was pale and the bags under her eyes were very visible. Hell, she looked so tiny and fragile. “Calum?” Her voice squealed. I quickly sprinted to her bed and hugged her. Her tiny arms clanged around my neck like there was no tomorrow. My nose was buried in her hair and I could smell her scent. ‘Keep yourself together Calum, you can’t break down in front of her you got to be strong’ I thought to myself. I sat down on her bed as she moved her legs. “Why are you here?” (y/n) asked me. “I wanted to visit you” I simply said. There was a pause before we said anything again. I took her cold hand in mine. “Jeez, you’re freezing” I said. “I know” She said and pulled her hand out of mine. “What are you watching?” I asked just to build up a conversation. “Adventure time with Finn and Jake” She giggled and gently tapped her fingertips against her iPad. “Seriously?” “Yes” She laughed. “You’re so childish” I grinned at her. “What can you even do here? Everything seems so dull…” I admitted. “It’s pretty chill here, sometimes I walk into the other room just next to mine to chat with some of the girls there and sometimes we play cards or something. But I usually sit here and watch something either on the telly or on my Ipad” She explained. “The boys asked me if they could come too, they are waiting on the outside and if it’s okay, they can come in?” I asked (y/n). “Yeah sure” She smiled. So I went to get ‘em and then the five of us spend some time together, until the visiting hours ended.
Ashton (your pov): I stood in the kitchen wondering what to have for breakfast. This was always very hard for me, to decide what to eat. ‘Should I go with something like a cheese toast? No that’s too unhealthy… Maybe some yoghurt and granola? No too much fat… What about rye bread with ham and like a veggie? That doesn’t even taste good (y/n), how could you come up with something so gross?!’ This conversation went on everyday in my head. It takes a lot of time and it’s really annoying, but I can’t help it. “Morning” My boyfriend Ashton mumbled and walked over to our fridge. He grabbed the milk and then took a bowl from the shelf over our sink. He poured the cereal in the bowl, a lot of cereal and then added a little milk. If only it was that simple for me. Ashton sat down by our kitchen island while I still was standing by the sink overthinking what to eat. ‘Maybe I should just not count calories today and eat some cereal for breakfast’ I thought, but then I realized I wouldn’t be full for a longer time. Gosh, this is so damn annoying! “Sweetie, what are you doing? Aren’t you going to eat breakfast with me?” Ashton asked simply and looked up from his phone. “ I can’t decide on what to eat” I answered him and pouted. “I can decide for you” Ash tried to help. “Yes please” “Okay, then you should eat some toast” “No not that…” I grumbled and turned so my back was facing Ashton. “Cereal?” “No” “Pancakes?” “No” “Smoothie?” “No” “Muffin?” “Seriously Ash, for breakfast?” I raised my eyebrows. “Yeah why not?” “Not going to happen” “Sometimes I wonder what has happened to you, you’re not acting like you used to” Ashton sadly told. I sighed, not knowing what to answer. I felt hopeless. I hear Ashton standing up. He walked over to me and wrapped his arms around me. “Will you tell me what is wrong?” He caringly asked. I didn’t answer him, instead I cried. “You’re not afraid of food are you? It can’t bite you, I swear! It’s good for you, it’s fuel and a must have for humans” He tried to relax me. “I’m so sorry” I whimpered against his shirt as I kept sobbing. “No. no don’t be sorry it’s not your fault. I’ll help you trough this okay? And if I’m not enough, then we’ll get some real help okay for your own sake?” “Okay Ash” I sobbed. “Don’t cry honey” He said and wiped the tears off of my cheeks. Then he kissed me and promised me to help me trough this miserable state.
Michael: My boyfriend and I were out in town. We lazily walked the streets of Sydney and went in to random different shops. It was summer and it was hot. Since both of us had nothing to do, we decided to just hang out in the city, and the beach was full of people so that wasn’t an option. As we walked on a street with our hands lazily tied together we passed a ice cream café. My punk rock boyfriend stopped and turned to face me. “Want to get ice cream?” He asked. “Hmm, I don’t know…” I wondered. “C’mon it’s so hot outside, please” “I’m not sure Mickey” I said. “Please, I know it’s a challenge for you, but can’t you do it for me?” He said with pleading eyes. “O-okay” I stumbled. “Yay” He cheered and walked in. “What flavours do you want?” “I don’t know, I suck at deciding these kind of things” I hopelessly admitted. “What do you feel like, what taste makes your mouth water” Michael joked. “Hmm” I kept wondering. “Chocolate? Strawberry? Passion fruit? Cookie dough?” My boyfriend tried to help me decide” “I feel like going with something fresh since it’s so hot outside” “Strawberry?” “Yeah” “You should pick another flavor too” He said. “Okay, hmm, maybe passion fruit” I said. “Okay than passion fruit it is” He grinned and ordered ice cream for me while I sat down at a table in the corner of the café. When Michael had paid for the ice cream, which he was very willing to do, he came over to me. “Here’s you ice cream miss” He said and handed me the big cone with two very big marbles of ice cream. “A cone?” I raised my eyebrows at him. “Yes, You got to gain girl you know it” “Don’t say it like that, it makes me feel bad” I groaned and licked some of my ice cream. “Sorry” He giggled and started eating his ice cream. I actually felt much better, after almost being an inpatient in the hospital, I feel like I’ve recovered quite well. “Was it good?” My boyfriend interrupted my thoughts. “What?” “You ice cream, did it taste good?” He smiled. “Yes, it did” I grinned back. “You’re so cute” I blushed at his compliment. “Do you feel better, like recovered?” Michael asked me after a few minutes. “Yes, I feel quite recovered and much more alert too” I admitted and smiled some more. “That’s good to hear” He said as he started nibbling on his cone. “I would be no where without you” I told him. “I love you, I want you to feel the best” He said. “I love you too”. After our little talk we kept eating our ice creams. Michael finished his first course. “Babe, you’ve got some ice cream on the tip of your nose” My boyfriend giggled and wiped it off. “Thanks” I said and blushed. I wouldn’t trade him for any guy in the world, Michael Clifford.
