Entry Sixteen

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September 30th, 1980

Morgan couldn't let the nurses uniform conversation go. She has been trying all week to convince me to report my boss to some higher authority.

I tried to tell her that he is the top of the food chain, but she won't hear it. She told me she needed a break. Space between us that I wasn't prepared to deal with.

I will spend this time tending to my patient. I have yet to see any improvements. The ECT is causing aneurisms. I have lost a few more patients. It has not been an easy process to come so close and feel like I have the answers. Then they pass and I am left with nothing.

Just like my family dying or like Morgan distancing herself from me. It's a lot to handle. I am left with one patient at the moment. If he passes I will need to take a break. I never thought of myself as a caring person, I still don't. But this hurts.

I am starting to understand my grandfather more. He was hurting and that might be why he locked himself away from the population. You can't be any help to others when you're heartbroken.

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