'100 letters' - phan

1

—dan howell opens his eyes.

the sunlight from outside rudely glares at dan from through the blue tinted glass.

the night before is a blur except for the fact that phil lester was a piece of it.

dan and phil had been friends since year 1, and they were neighbors for a while. only recently did phil confess his feelings for dan. and last night they finally—um—

dan looks to his right, his eye catching a small green envelope sitting neatly on phil's pillow. he also notes phil's absence and his anxiety starts to build.

he hesitates before picking it up, opening it slowly and reading the name. he clumsily drops the paper as emotions blur his thoughts.

"bear"

his smiles, not in a happy way but more of a nostalgic, familiar way. his eyes start to water. he and phil would call each other names when they were kids. phil's name was lion. dan's was bear.

he picks up the paper and slowly unfolds it, worried about what could be inside.

"1/4/10

letter one

dear dan

as you've probably noticed, i've gone, for good. though, i was never really there to begin with.

i know we couldn't spend forever together like we had planned and i'm sorry, truly i am. i can't hurt you. i have problems, dan, problems that medicine and love can't fix. i've made promises that i can't keep and mistakes i can't run from. you were and are the love of my life and the only reason i'm living it, dan howell. this was a mistake. all of it. it hurts me to do this but it really is for the best. i'm going far away, somewhere that my problems cannot reach you.

i love you.

i'm sorry.

yours,

phil♥

p.s.

you'd think that a masters degree in the english language would make me better at writing letters."

dan chokes, as if all the air in the room had absorbed into each letter on the now tear soaked page.

he starts crying, not softly because his emotions were too messy for softness at the moment. his face turns red and his throat starts to burn as tears stream down his freckled face.

phil is gone.

(*roblox death sound*)